Please, can we stop arguing about how we feed our babies?

stop arguing how we feed babies

Here is something I have often found myself wondering since I became a mum, why do parents argue with other parents about how they feed their babies? I mean, why do people feel the need to pass comment on how others decide to feed their child? I have tried my best to bite my tongue on the whole breast v bottle debate as I do not like arguments and, unfortunately, baby feeding seems to cause A LOT of arguments. I can’t keep quiet any longer though, I am sick of seeing mums online having a go at each other, judging each other and being pretty damn rude to each other over something as trivial as where a baby gets it’s milk from.

Please, can we stop arguing about how we feed our babies?

I am sure I am not the only mum out there who is tired of seeing the same old comments like ‘why would she even give her baby formula? She is obviously too lazy to breastfeed’ or ‘I never understand why breastfeeding mums don’t just feed at home so we don’t have to see them get their boobs out in public’ or even ‘don’t these formula feeding mums realise how bad that milk is for their child? They clearly don’t care about their babies health!’. There is so much judgement and negativity thrown around when it comes to the ever so sensitive topic of baby feeding and I just wish it would stop.

If you regularly read my blog then you will know that I am a breastfeeding mama, I fed my eldest son until he was 10 months and am currently feeding my 6 month old baby boy. A breastfeeding mama I may be, a breastfeeding nazi I am most definitely not. It makes me sad that there is even such a term as breastfeeding nazi , or the breastfeeding brigade, but unfortunately there are mums out there who breastfeed and feel the need to preach to the masses the power of breastmilk and condemn those who dare allow their baby to drink formula from an evil bottle. I totally understand that it is important to inform new mums about all the benefits of breastfeeding but, ultimately, how each mother decides to feed their baby is up to them.

When a breastfeeding mum decides to have a go at a bottle feeding mum online what exactly is she hoping to achieve? That mum is clearly bottle feeding for a reason, maybe she had trouble getting her baby to latch on, perhaps she had issues with milk supply or maybe she simply just wanted to bottle feed. A nasty remark from a breastfeeding mum telling her that, because of her choice of feeding method, her baby will grow up with loads of health and emotional problems and that she is a terrible mum for formula feeding isn’t going to make her start breastfeeding. That mum has made her decision, maybe she regrets it or maybe she is totally happy with it, and all that comment is going to do is make her feel like shit.

This argument works both ways, there are judgemental mums occupying both sides of the coin. Why when a mum wants to share a picture of her newborn nursing must she have to do so in the sad knowledge that someone will probably have something unkind to say? Why can’t a mum feel confident to feed her baby in public and not be stressed about what her bottle feeding counterparts might have been thinking? There is no need for anyone to say anything horrible to a feeding mum, she’s just feeding her baby. I really think motherhood would be a much less stressful and anxiety filled place in our lives if other parents would stop with this judgemental behaviour.

Recently I posted a photo of me feeding Alex on Instagram; I got loads of lovely comments congratulating me on feeding my baby for 6 months but one mum felt the need to take the time out of her day to leave me a negative comment. I was accused of searching for praise, I wasn’t, and for trying to glorify breastfeeding, I wasn’t. What I was doing was celebrating the fact that, after a shaky start, I was still feeding Alex myself. I was proud of making it through 6 months of breastfeeding and I wanted to share that feeling with others, not because I wanted a pat on the back but just because I was feeling amazing and couldn’t help but shout about it. I can’t help but feel if that Instagram post had been about me celebrating 6 months as a mum of 2 or the fact I have managed to move Alex into his own room with no problems then no hurtful comments would have been made. Seriously, what is it about feeding that makes so many of us turn into judgmental, thoughtless people who think it’s ok to make others feel rubbish through the unnecessary hurt they hurl from their laptop keyboards? Breastfeeding mum or bottle feeding mum, we are all mums! Can we please stop fighting over milk, it is just ridiculous and a waste of our precious time and energy.

I guess I just want to say, if you bottle feed your baby you’re doing an amazing job, I don’t think you’re a worse mother than breastfeeding mums. If you see me feeding my baby in the coffee shop while you’re warming up your baby’s bottle, don’t think I’m sitting on my high horse judging  you because I’m not. I will likewise try not to worry about you judging me for sitting and feeding my baby in a public place or for the fact I’ve continued to breastfeed after 6 months. Breastfeeding mums, I think you are doing an equally amazing job – all us parents are doing the best we can for our little ones.

Can we please just be kind to each other, in real life and online? Bringing up a baby is hard , let’s not make it more difficult for each other by fighting over how we feed our babies. Our babies, our say, our decision. It’s not up to anyone else to say how you should feed your baby or how you should feel and people need to stop feeling the need to judge others for their parenting choices. I’m sure everyone has more important things to worry about. Breast or bottle, formula or breastmilk, it’s all just a way of keeping our little people alive and, after all, isn’t that the most important thing?

What do you think? Are you fed up of the whole breastfeeding/bottle feeding debate too? I would love to hear your thoughts and for goodness sake please don’t all start ripping into each other in my comments section, pretty please? Eeep, I’m scared about hitting publish!

You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

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40 Comments

  1. May 8, 2017 / 7:05 am

    Being kind should be the priority. It doesn’t matter what choices we make, we all need to be supportive as you say. Things all happen for a reason. Good luck in your kind crusade. #marvmondays

  2. May 8, 2017 / 7:36 am

    The world has gone mad and it seems like everyone is more interested in been mean rather than been kind! It really is sad when mothers are arguing and bitching about each other when as mothers we already know how hard it is to do this “parenting” thing. Its a hard journey and we should support each other on it, I was always told as a child if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it!

    I have formula fed both of mine for my own personal reasons.. and to the people that try and argue with me about breast is best I say fed is best. Do we argue on whose baby has the nicest cloths? or the most expensive pram? its ridiculous it really is and one I am also tired of seeing.
    great post

    #marvmondays
    kerry recently posted…#mysundayphotoMy Profile

  3. May 8, 2017 / 7:39 am

    Well said Wendy. I saw your lovely photo, and post, on instagram and thought there was absolutely no need for that negative comment. I bottle fed Rhys and breastfed Nerys, so have seen both sides of this ‘argument’ and completely agree that there shouldn’t be an argument at all! We’re all just doing our best aren’t we. x

  4. May 8, 2017 / 9:46 am

    I didn’t breast or bottle feed my daughter, she was tube fed and still is after suffering catastrophic brain damage at birth following a lack of oxygen in my labour, leaving her with severe cerebral palsy. The breast vs bottle debate grinds my gears like nothing else. I would give my right arm to have been able to do either. Both are completely fine for baby and there are negatives and positives to both. It comes down to individuals and is nobody else’s business. For me it’s simple, anyone getting on their high horse and leaving negative comments about it on people’s posts really must have nothing else to worry about it their lives. FED IS BEST, period.
    Thanks for the post ! I actually wrote a post about this a few months ago for tube feeding awareness week on my blog too. It’s definitely a divisive issue! #postsfromtheheart

  5. May 8, 2017 / 10:45 am

    Parenting wars are exhausting! All of us are just doing our best according to our circumstances. It would be great if people were kinder to each other and willing to cut everyone else some slack. Lovely post 🙂

  6. May 8, 2017 / 11:49 am

    Completely agree, and good job on hitting the 6 month mark! #bigpinklink

  7. May 8, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    Well said. Totally agree. I find myself writing about breastfeeding a lot, because that’s what I know, and I’m massively positive about breastfeeding, and if my experience can help someone that’d be great, but I’d never judge someone for not breastfeeding. I don’t get why anyone cares how someone else feeds their baby. #bigpinklink
    Kelly | and Jacob makes three recently posted…Postpartum hair loss—8 months inMy Profile

  8. May 8, 2017 / 1:37 pm

    There a local Mums facebook group where I live and this topic is always the one with the most comments and arguments. Time to get a grip x
    Amy @Arty apple recently posted…Middle NamesMy Profile

  9. May 8, 2017 / 3:15 pm

    Totally agree on this. For some it’s personal choice and some mums simply can’t. I wanted to breastfeed Pops but as she was so early, the quickest way to get her home was to express and use formula as I couldn’t be there to feed her on demand and it was important they knew how much she was taking. She’s now 14 months and a complete bruiser and I don’t feel bad for not expressing or feeding beyond 3 weeks! Thanks for linking for #marvmondays x
    Fran Back With A Bump recently posted…Marvellous MondaysMy Profile

  10. May 8, 2017 / 8:27 pm

    Absolutely with you on this and felt the same. I breastfed although I was of the opinion that I would give it a go and if it didn’t work out that was fine. We had a few issues with reflux but I managed to get to 6 months and I felt like high fiving myself and then I stopped breastfeeding for a number of reasons but I got to where I had stubbornly decided I needed to. We then went onto a special formula because of his difficulties but that was fine too.

    As my friend once said..you can’t spot the difference between the breastfed babies and the bottlefed ones in the playground.

    Just as you won’t be able to spot the difference between those who got good scores on their SATs! Haha!

    #PostsFromTheHeart

  11. May 9, 2017 / 11:08 am

    I love this post so much. At 13 months I’m still Breastfeeding my second as we wait for him to have a tube fitted because he simply can’t manage food. Fed is best. However we get there will always be secondary. Thank you for sharing this at #PostsFromTheHeart
    Mummy Times Two recently posted…There Will Always Be A Last TimeMy Profile

  12. May 9, 2017 / 1:52 pm

    Bravo! I totally agree! Women can be so powerful and do incredible things if we support each other rather than nitpicking. I don’t think it stops with milk, next comes baby led weaning Vs standard weaning (mummy lead?). Its all so silly. We are all different and so are our children (whom we all love so very dearly).

  13. May 10, 2017 / 9:52 pm

    Agreed – I’m so sick of the debate! I hate that those of us who have chosen to breastfeed feel like we can’t be proud of it just in case it upsets someone else #postsfromtheheart
    OddHogg recently posted…My Toddler Can’t Walk – And That’s OKMy Profile

  14. May 12, 2017 / 6:35 am

    I’m just thrilled when babies get nutrition, I’ve never cared about formula vs. breastfeeding. I ran an infant daycare and parents would stress out thinking we judged them…we didn’t. A fed baby is a happy baby and that’s all we cared about! #BlogCrush
    Heather Keet recently posted…Poll Tuesday week 8…My Profile

  15. May 12, 2017 / 6:54 am

    Absolutely honey – well said! Motherhood is hard enough without us turning on each other with opinions that aren’t necessary! xx #blogcrush

  16. May 12, 2017 / 10:43 am

    Boobs and breastfeeding are a wonderful thing. Bottle feeding is a wonderful thing, too. Hell, just feeding your kid to keep it alive is the most amazing thing! Not sure why some feel the need to put down others. You do it your way, I’ll do it mine and let’s move on to talking about better things. Like what to put on pizza.

  17. May 12, 2017 / 12:13 pm

    Sadly this has been going for so long, it doesn’t matter what you decide to do when it comes to feeding your baby, it’s mum’s decision and other’s should just keep their noses out.
    #BlogCrush
    Anne recently posted…Word of the Week – RollercoasterMy Profile

  18. May 12, 2017 / 3:07 pm

    Amen Wendy! I too have written about this and it drives me NUTS to see this kind of judgement being passed out. If your baby is fed that is your main job done and everything else is irrelevant and white noise. As if new mothers don’t have enough crap, literally and figuratively, to deal with, right? Live and let live! #blogcrush

  19. May 12, 2017 / 3:54 pm

    It’s so frustrating isn’t it. Why does it matter? I wrote a post about still feeding my toddler and I felt the need to have a disclaimer which really is awful. I shouldn’t need to excuse/explain. Fed is best. And do what you feel is right. End of.

    A huge congratulations on 6 months! It’s incredible ❤️

    #BlogCrush

  20. May 12, 2017 / 6:03 pm

    Be kind. Be kind. Oh and be kind! Lets all celebrate all types of mums and how they feed their babies is their choice. Good post lovely. #Blogcrush

  21. May 12, 2017 / 6:26 pm

    It’s amazing that so much judgement happens. Everyone has their own story, their own life and their own choices. Everyone does what’s best for their child, whether that’s feeding them breast or formula milk! Let’s be kinder to each other and be strong together!

  22. May 13, 2017 / 6:56 am

    Adore this. I’ve done both, my first being bottle fed and subsequent two breastfed. I’ve felt judged for both. With bottle feeding you do get some ‘smug’ breastfeeders treating you like you’ve failed your child somehow. Then when I’ve been breastfeeding I’ve felt directly excluded by the bottle-feeders…on one occasion being told that they hadn’t invited me out for coffee because I was breastfeeding (??????!!!!!!!!!!!!) Nobody knows what battles a mother has overcome to get to the point of either method of feeding, it’s not an area for judgement amongst women. Labour and newborns are hard enough regardless of feeding method…if we could all build each other up then perhaps perinatal mental health rates would improve x #blogcrush

  23. May 13, 2017 / 2:39 pm

    I’m sick of this debate as well – surely everyone agrees that fed is best? People have good reasons for breastfeeding or formula feeding, or weaning in a certain way, and they know what’s best for themselves and their child. It’s a shame that someone put a negative comment on your breastfeeding picture – breastfeeding is tough and there’s nothing wrong with celebrating your achievement! #BlogCrush
    The Squirmy Popple recently posted…How to succeed in blogging without really writingMy Profile

  24. May 13, 2017 / 8:01 pm

    Oh it’s so ridiculous isn’t it! I can’t stand it, surely a baby being fed and cared for is the most important! Thanks for hosting #BlogCrush
    Helen Gandy recently posted…Choosing Patio Doors.My Profile

  25. May 14, 2017 / 8:56 am

    Unfortunately I think it’s a debate which will always continue. I remember the first time I fed Rory from a bottle in public I felt so ashamed. Although to this day nobody has ever made a comment to me personally, I felt like everyone was judging me purely because of the stigma around how we feed our babies. Women should be able to provide for their child and celebrate their achievements without negative comments. Your so right when you say what impact do these people think their comments will have! #blogcrush
    Becky Clark recently posted…Good Books: In April I read…Mad Girl by Bryony GordonMy Profile

  26. May 14, 2017 / 9:17 am

    You’re so right Wendy. It’s so upsetting when people are judgemental and unkind. I often think, if you haven’t got something positive to say just don’t say anything at all! It’s not helpful and as you say, often so hurtful to someone’s feelings. Carry on doing your thing and don’t worry #blogcrush
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  27. May 14, 2017 / 8:34 pm

    I can’t believe someone bothered to leave a negative comment – I think that’s a beautiful photo and you should be proud. Good for you & stuff what anyone else thinks! #marvmondays
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…#MySundayPhotoMy Profile

  28. May 14, 2017 / 9:15 pm

    A beautiful post lovely, I’m a firm believer that fed is best. I couldn’t care less how someone choses to feed their baby as long as they’re getting the food they need. I saw that comment on your instagram post and was about to reply to it before I noticed someone had already beat me to it and defended you beautifully. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink xx
    Hannah Jane recently posted…What My Kid Wore Wednesday #9My Profile

  29. May 15, 2017 / 7:40 pm

    Hear, hear! Great post! Feeding seems to be such a contentious issue for some reason but, as you say, at the end of the day, it’s just milk. I think people on both sides feel judged and self-conscious about their choices and sometimes that means discussions about it escalate more quickly, and people take things personally that are not intended that way. I love the sentiment of this post, though – let’s just cheer each other on! #blogcrush
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Blogcrush Week 13 – 12th May 2017My Profile

  30. May 15, 2017 / 10:50 pm

    This. Absolutely! I can’t believe that people are still arguing over this, and worse, still judging eachother for this. Feed your baby, however you like, as long as they are fed. It’s simple! #postsfromtheheart
    five little doves recently posted…Our perfect day at Cbeebies Land Alton TowersMy Profile

  31. May 16, 2017 / 12:49 pm

    YES to this post! I find that now Emma is older, I get the same comments about what you feed your kids for dinner. I rejoiced that she ate 1.5 fish fingers yesterday but to another parent, they might not feel the same way. Just run your own race with it all, fed is best…end of! Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam xxx

  32. May 18, 2017 / 8:41 pm

    I agree with your sentiment – let’s just be kind to each other and not judge others. I think it’s a lovely IG post and photo – in fact I need to check I’m following you :-). Happy 6 months to you and Alex xx #BlogCrush
    Hayley@ Mission: Mindfulness recently posted…Goodbye Year 13sMy Profile

  33. May 20, 2017 / 8:39 am

    People just need to keep their noses out of other business don’t they? I find myself feeling conscious about not being a pushing breastfeeding mum, my best friend has just had a baby and wanted to breastfeed. I said to her “do you want me to encourage you if it gets tough or just let you get on with it? Because I don’t want you to think I’ll be disappointed if you stop”. Personally I think people should be encouraged, especially when it’s really hard at first, but they shouldn’t be judged if they take an alternative route. Thanks for linking up with #KCACOLS

  34. May 20, 2017 / 11:59 am

    I agree with you that there’s absolutely no need for unkindness or rudeness. Though with Britain having the lowest breastfeeding rate in the world I think an open and healthy debate on how this can be improve is important as clearly something has gone wrong somewhere. #postsfromtheheart

    Nadia x

  35. May 21, 2017 / 8:52 pm

    Some people really need to concentrate on their own lives instead of meddling in other peoples. I feel sorry for the kids of these people. #kcacols
    Bread recently posted…Anxious Mum and Clingy SonMy Profile

  36. May 25, 2017 / 6:04 pm

    This frustrates me so much. Each woman has a different set of situations and can make her own decisions. As long as babies are fed and happy, I don’t really see what the problem is. Yes, breast milk is better for them, but it’s not always possible to give them that and not everyone wants to breastfeed for a multitude of reasons!
    #PostsFromTheHeart
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