We love a chat us Mums, don’t we? We talk about everything going on with our kids and we love to reassure and support each other through all our parenting woes. However, there is one thing all parents love to talk about, Mums and Dads alike. This particular topic of conversation is most frequently heard amongst parents with very young children. Saying that, my boy is two and I still find myself chatting about this on a very regular basis…
As soon as your pregnancy news starts to spread, family members, friends and even strangers on the street all have the same little nugget of information to tell you. Most of them can’t wait to share it, the words are out of their mouths immediately after you say ‘We’re having a baby!’. You don’t believe them of course, you smile and thank them for their
unwanted advice but you know it can’t possibly be true, they must be exaggerating or something.
Yet, 9 months later, your bundle of joy arrives and you start to wonder if all those people might have been right. Maybe you had been naive to think you and your partner could make it through parenthood without encountering this one little thing everyone warned you about?
You were told it would stop once your baby was here, that you and your husband would never enjoy it like you did before. They told you things in that department would not be the same again for years, if ever, once you were parents.
As it turns out, they were all right. Every friend, our parents, that long lost aunt, the random drunk in the pub, well, they weren’t lying. It is not the same.
In the early, hardcore new born days of parenting, we tried not to talk about it. We tried not to miss it. My husband and I were both desperate for it but we pushed our own needs aside. We were parents now, it was our job to look after our baby, what we wanted was irrelevant.
As the months went on, the thing we were missing began to creep back in to our lives. We welcomed it with open arms, we were grumpy and irritable without it. The first night it happened we were shocked, caught off guard. After all those months without, we couldn’t believe how suddenly and unannounced it had returned.
Although our bed was beginning to see some proper action again, some nights we just couldn’t wait until we got under the covers. Sometimes, we had to have it right there and then on the sofa. Sometimes it went on for over an hour. After it happened we would lie there feeling satisfied, give each other a grin and one of us would suggest heading up to bed for round two.
As our baby grew in to a toddler things were starting to get back to normal. Maybe we were too quick to agree with what everyone said, things were pretty much back to how they were in our pre-parent life. We had it pretty much every single night. If we were lucky, we got it on a lazy Saturday morning as well. Sometimes I would even buy something nice to wear, just in case, to make it just that little bit more enjoyable. I would get excited putting on my new purchase and getting in to bed, hoping my efforts would not be in vain and the night would bring me what I wanted.
Just like how it came back in to our lives, it was just as quickly taken away. Just as we got used to getting what we wanted in the bedroom, our son would go through a major milestone or something and we would be back to square one. Gone were the nights where we could be together all night, undisturbed. Now, there are days on end where we don’t get it, when we don’t even consider it. We don’t ever go to bed expecting it any more.
When it does happen, we make sure we enjoy every second, for who know’s when it will happen again. The nights are unpredictable now. Two and half years into parenthood and still we have this problem. My husband and I are not the only ones though. I speak to other mums at toddler groups and they have all been through it too. They know what it is like to not get it, to desperately need and long for it. I know a few parents who have kids in school and they still don’t get it.
So, if you find yourself chatting with another parent any time soon, I give the conversation about 2 minutes before one of you mentions it. You will both be dying to talk about it, to unload all of your bedroom troubles on to someone else. There is nothing that parents love to talk about more than…
How has your sleep changed since becoming a parent? Do you have an angel who sleeps all night or are you a sleep deprived, zombie like Mum? For the past couple of months Leo has randomly been waking in the night and I really need a good nights sleep, like, right now. I would love to know your thoughts on sleep deprivation and please feel free to share any tips on coping with a toddler who likes to party at 2am!