Living with grief

I miss my Nan.
Ever since she passed away in May, I haven’t stopped missing her. With Christmas approaching and what would have been her 91st birthday 5 days after that, Nan is very much in my mind at the moment.

This will be our first Christmas without her. Although in recent years I haven’t always seen Nan on Christmas day, I always see her at some point during the festive period. It feels strange, this year I will be buying one less Christmas gift and there is going to be one less face in all the family photographs. What a lovely, kind face it was as well.
Loosing someone we love is awful. The grief that comes with loss is also pretty damn horrible. I know that over time, the pain of loosing a loved one slowly fades, it never truly goes though. This post is called Living with guilt, as opposed to Dealing with Grief, as I don’t think grief can be dealt with. 
To deal with something, suggests it can be fixed. A leaky tap or a flickering light can be fixed. Unfortunately, grief is not a problem so easily resolved. Grief is more like, say, a benign, inoperable tumour. It’s not life threatening but it’s not going anywhere either. There may be days where you don’t think about it all, but then there are also the days where it is all you can think about. It’s always there, somewhere beneath the surface, but you just learn to live with it. 
A day will come when I will be able to look at photos of Nan and not feel sad. Or all the little things that remind me of her, like fridge magnets and Rich Tea biscuits, will make me smile instead of leaving me trying to fight back tears.
Christmas is a time for family. This year a very special member of our family won’t be there. Though they may not be there in person, I know that both my Nan and my Granddad will be with us in some way. I am going to try and enjoy every second of Christmas this year, I  know my Nan wouldn’t want it any other way.
Is this your first Christmas without a loved one too? I hope that you manage to enjoy your day. What are your thoughts on grief? 

A Cornish Mum

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8 Comments

  1. December 10, 2015 / 10:11 pm

    Hi Wendy, bless you angel, I so wish I could make the pain go away for you. I've had too many brushes with grief these past few years. We lost my beloved Mum in law last August and I still miss her every day. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel honey. Your feelings are exactly that, they're yours. I was told once that the amount we miss someone is exactly equal to how much we love them. It will get easier I promise, you'll be able to smile when you see photos, because nobody can take those good memories away from you. Those are yours to treasure. Talk about her honey, talk about her as much as you want to. Tell your dear wee boy Leo about her so that he can grow up feeling as if he knew her too. It will get better honey, really it will. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and sending you heaps of hugs xx

  2. December 13, 2015 / 8:43 am

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this loss. Major holidays are often hard and especially Christmas, with her birthday also being close to it. Sending you lots of healing thoughts. #PoCoLo

  3. December 13, 2015 / 3:21 pm

    I lost my nan nearly ten years ago and I still miss her, especially around Christmas. But you're right that they're always with you in some way – I can imagine her telling me not to be so soppy and get on with things, so I try to listen! It does make that shift from tears to smiles, slowly and steadily. x #KCACOLS

  4. December 13, 2015 / 5:05 pm

    This is my 2nd Xmas without my Nan and as she was the centre of all our Christmases I really struggle.It's getting easier but I still wish she was here to share a giggle xx #kcacols

  5. December 13, 2015 / 7:47 pm

    Christmas really is so hard when you're missing someone. I hope the holidays are kind to you xx #KCACOLS

  6. December 17, 2015 / 9:08 pm

    Christmas can be really tough when you are apart from the ones you love for whatever reason. Sending you hugs. Thanks for linking to #PicknMix

  7. December 17, 2015 / 10:23 pm

    This time of year can be so hard when you're missing someone, I really hope you still have a lovely Christmas with your little one – children are really the best therapy with their funny ways.

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

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