*collaborative guest post*
Oli and I fell out recently. I don’t normally air our dirty laundry here on the blog and I am not going to now but let’s just say, well, this argument was a biggie. We are fine now, all problems are resolved but it did make me think how things have changed since our wedding day. The reality is, married life can be hard and it takes work: these are all things my own parents told me before my big day but I didn’t believe them when I was swept up floating on cloud nine in my love bubble. I have a guest post today sharing some important things you and your future spouse should discuss and consider to help you know what to do when you are dealing with some of the bigger issues married life can throw at you. I hope you find it useful.
4 tips to help you prepare for life as a married couple
We hope and pray that we will be able to work things out in a marriage when it gets tough. Most of the time we work out our problems and after a brief upset period, we get back into the swing of things. The day of the marriage and the following honeymoon are probably the most exciting. So while you’re in this part of your relationship, you should really live it up and create as many memories as you can. However once you’re back home, know that you’re not in a bubble. You are now walking down a path that many millions of people have walked before. At many intervals in the road, there will be a fork whereby you will either split up or carry on as a married couple. The thought of things falling through and being left vulnerable are what keeps many people from staying in a horrible marriage. But what if you knew what your options were, wouldn’t you feel less trapped and therefore much happier knowing you still could have a life after marriage? It’s not to say you should be expecting the worst but you do need to plan for it.
Know your options if you think your marriage is over
Never do we hope to one day find ourselves sitting in the office of a divorce attorney but it is something you should carefully consider. You don’t need to do much in this regard but you should know what the initial proceedings will be. Speak to Expert Divorce Solicitors which can show you what the procedures will be for filing divorce should you ever need to. They will demonstrate their techniques of how they will protect the wealth you have accumulated over the years while you have been married. This is because in divorce the assets and wealth will be divided up but it’s not always the case that it will be an even split. Hence why their specialist team is going to run you through the stages of their methods and evidence gathering to make your case. This can just be for a consultation period, it doesn’t need to be something that you have to push the button on. Just know what your options are if you should ever come to it.
Plan your children out
Do not get swept off your feet by all the romance in the air. Sure, the honeymoon is going to be a very hot affair that will be nights of passion, splurging on the finer things in life and enjoying an exotic paradise every morning when you wake up. Discuss with your spouse what your plans are for children. By now you will already know whether or not they want to even have kids, which is why you married them. If children are in your future together, then ideally they should be planned carefully- although this may not always be the case! Decide on what kind of upbringing you want to give them and where that would be, just try and find a way for you to be a team as parents rather than arguing over different points of view once the baby arrives.
Many newly weds want some time to enjoy their life together before they have children. So you need to discuss how long that will be taking into account your age. If you would like to have children by the time you are 40 and you have married at 30, then perhaps you should set yourselves a 5 year period where it’s just you two enjoying married life alone. You’ll need to take all the necessary precautions such as safe sex and birth control in the meantime. If you want to have multiple children then perhaps this 5 year period could be cut down to 3 or less. This is because, if you want a small age gap, it will take 1 year overall between each pregnancy. You’ll need 9 months to develop the baby in the womb then it could take as little as 3 months for you to want to try for another or you may realise you want a larger age gap. Life has a way of doing it’s own thing but some couples feel better if they have planned out things like when to have children as best they can.
Don’t let it get stale
The worst thing about a honeymoon period is that it has to come to an end. If you would rather keep the romance alive and well for longer, then why don’t you? Yes you have to get back to living a normal life and going to work etc. However, what’s to say you can’t have another honeymoon a year later? You can book and plan another romantic getaway and enjoy your time together in renewed passion. The number one thing that newly weds complain about is how fast the magic in the relationship dies down after the honeymoon. Life gets in the way and you have to focus on your career/kids/life, but that can make your relationship start to feel bland and boring overtime.
So book trips together that are not a holiday but rather a retreat. Rather than booking the usual hotels in foreign countries you could book a resort. Resorts are more private and exclusive and privacy is part and parcel of what companies offer. You could also have spas and personal treatments by the chefs and waiting staff in resorts. It’s purpose built for honeymooners and just because your original honeymoon was a year ago, doesn’t mean you can’t reignite those embers once again.
Choose your lifestyle
More and more young couples are getting married while still renting an apartment. You should decide on the kind of lifestyle you want and make it a joint effort aim. If you want to live in a house or a mansion, then work out a plan together to save up enough money to make that a reality. You’re now married and so you should want to have your own space together. This requires careful planning because you both need to work together and pool your savings. The same goes for a more luxurious lifestyle. If you want the finer things in life then you have to workout your budget and expenditures as well as your mortgage and loans.
I hope this article has been useful for all you soon to be/newly weds. Oli and I didn’t research divorce solicitors as I like to focus on the positive vibes and not plan for failure. However, I totally understand why many people might do this, I guess it is good to be prepared and know your options, just in case. I definitely believe you should discuss things like whether you both want kids, how you want to raise them and what your plans for the future are before you get married.
What do you think? If you are married, what is the biggest piece of advice you would give to a couple about to tie the knot.