Why we said no to visitors at the hospital – The Newbie Takeover #1 Milky Cuddles

no visitors at hospital

Welcome to my new guest blogging series, The Newbie Takeover. Every Wednesday I am handing my blog over to a blogger who has been writing for less than a year. Katie who blogs over at Milky Cuddles is kicking off this series with a fantastic post about saying why she decided to not have people visit her in hospital after the birth of her children.

Why We Said No To Visitors at the Hospital

The thing I love about the first few days with a brand new baby in hospital is that it allows the world to stop. For that time in the hospital there is nothing else – nowhere you need to be, nothing you need to do. It is just about you, and your baby, and breastfeeding and bonding and healing. I needed this time so much.

We asked for no visitors at the hospital (with the exception of my firstborn and my parents who brought her). We told people in advance if we had the opportunity to throw it into conversation (this is important if you want to avoid the friendly pop-ins), but we also had to tell people who texted us asking to come. We decided just to be really honest, to not feel guilty and to remember that this time was not about anyone else, and though it may sound selfish, it really was all about us.

Here’s why not having visitors at the hospital was good for us:

  • We really needed the time to get to know our newest family member, to hold her without having to pass her around, to stare at her sleeping face without being distracted by our toddler.
  • We needed to rest and sleep during the day. Nine months of pregnancy is exhausting, birth is exhausting and breastfeeding around the clock is exhausting. Did I mention I needed sleep??
  • I needed to focus on breastfeeding. It is much easier to establish breastfeeding when you have quiet time alone with your baby, when you can try different positions and work on the latch without having to hold a conversation or have someone watching you. I am a big advocate for breastfeeding anytime, anywhere and I have no problem breastfeeding in front of people. But in those first few days I just needed some time to discover how to do it (this was especially true with my first, but also true with my second as every baby feeds and latches differently).
  • The time in hospital is busy. There’s the midwives checking in, breastfeeding, the physio class, hearing test, first bath, immunisations, full newborn check, lactation consultant, professional photos etc. Even without visitors we had very little time to rest!
  • The first few days with a newborn are a special time and with your second, it is the only time that the world stops for you, where there is your new baby and nothing else. We’d waited 9 months to meet our little one, I knew others could wait a few more days.

It is likely you wont know what you want until the time comes. With my first I also thought we didn’t want visitors at the hospital, but in the end I was just so thrilled she was here that I couldn’t wait to show her off. But it was different with my first because we had more rest and recovery time at home. This time around as soon as we left the hospital, we were back to a life of toddler chaos. So it was the right decision for us. I’m inspired by mums who manage to rest properly post birth. I have never managed to do that properly. But if you are looking for tips I love this piece, How to Postpartum Like a Boss “I look at that one week postpartum as a little sacred space that I will never get back. It’s a space where, for the most part, it’s just that brand new baby and me. And I’m selfish about it. And not sorry. Life will keep plummeting forward rapidly and I wont ever stop it. But I can have a week with a floppy new baby on my chest in my bed and I’ll take it. And I’ll protect it”. 

Exactly, I couldn’t say it better!

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A bit about Katie:

Katie is an Australian mum of two under two, who blogs as a way of keeping sane in the chaos. Nothing makes her happier than a sunny day, a cafe, a cappuccino, her laptop and some alone time to write. She writes about being a mum, what she is learning along the way, what she is teaching her little ones, and the different seasons of motherhood that she is experiencing.
If you enjoyed this post, go check out Katie’s wonderful blog Milky Cuddles

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Thank you Katie for being my first guest blogger! I definitely wish I had said no to visitors in that first week after having my second baby, those first few days with a newborn are so precious and are something I wish I had kept just for us.

If your blog is less than 12 months old and you would like to get involved in The Newbie Takeover, you can check out all the details in this post and send your submission to wendy@naptimenatter.com

new blogger guest post series

Did you have visitors in the first week postpartum or did you ask people to wait a before coming to see you and your newborn? Would you be offended if someone said you couldn’t go visit their new baby in hospital? I would love to hear your thoughts.

You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..

@naptimenatter

Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

 

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33 Comments

  1. June 8, 2017 / 8:23 am

    I hadn’t really thought about whether I wanted visitors or not. Actually, as soon as I’d given birth (and they’d dealt with a minor emergency), a midwife came in and said “you have visitors outside—I told them no!”. The birth had taken so long all the grandparents had come to the hospital because they were worried about missing visiting time! Eventually I let my mum pop in, but I was basically naked and covered in blood so I didn’t want everyone in! Well done for doing what you wanted #coolmumclub
    Kelly | and Jacob makes three recently posted…Child Safety Week 2017My Profile

  2. June 8, 2017 / 1:38 pm

    We went down the route of no visitors other than our parents and my sister, we had twins and they went into special care so for us it was all about getting them well enough to go home. My mum and sister were life savers in helping as Neil wasn’t petrified of picking them up because they were so tiny and because I had a section the help was very well received. It a special bonding time, visitors are for when you get home. #Ablogginggoodtime
    Lisa (mumdadplus4) recently posted…Gluten Free Banana Pancakes – Healthy and Easy to MakeMy Profile

  3. June 8, 2017 / 5:53 pm

    Glad this approach worked for you. I would do the same second time around especially as my first born contracted a misterious virus in the first 24hrs and after a lot of visitors. Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime

  4. June 8, 2017 / 7:03 pm

    I think you are right to limit visitors when you are in hospital with your newborn. I don’t mind my immediate family coming to visit but would say no to friends. I’ve never been in hospital for that long after the birth anyway but also wait a few days at least before inviting friends to visit at home. You’re right that would need time to adjust and recover from the birth. #ablogginggoodtime
    Multicultural Motherhood recently posted…Learning About Astronomy – the MoonMy Profile

  5. June 8, 2017 / 9:57 pm

    I totally agree with this post. With our first we were overwhelmed by visitors, I felt like nobody gave me space to breathe or considered my feelings. With our second I firmly told the transgressors that they would not be allowed to do the same this time, they would have to wait until we had been home for a week! I felt so much better doing things that way. x #coolmumclub

  6. June 8, 2017 / 10:14 pm

    Gosh, I was out of hospital so quickly it was hard to even think about whether or not we wanted visitors. It’s a good idea though, grabbing yourself some peace before you go home and it all kicks off.

  7. June 9, 2017 / 6:46 am

    I really agree with this. I didn’t have visitors at home either! You’re so shell shocked, especially after the first and even well meaning visitors expect you to make them a cup of tea and host them to some extent. I would really think about what you can cope with when you first have them. It’s precious time you won’t get back. #BlogCrush

  8. June 9, 2017 / 9:43 am

    I loved this and wish I had followed all this advice. With my 3rd baby I chose to come home from hospital that very evening, having giving birth that morning! It was back to business as soon as I got home as I had two other children and it was term-time so I had to hit the ground running with a brand new baby in tow. Needless to say it was a disaster in terms of my mental health and I wish so much that I had taken the time to properly rest and steady myself before coming home. It would’ve made all the difference. Articles like this should be shared far and wide to make women think twice about deciding to come home too soon xx #blogcrush
    Jemma @popcornlunchuk recently posted…5 Funny/Serious Tips for Surviving the Summer HolidaysMy Profile

  9. June 9, 2017 / 11:07 am

    i didn’t really have hospital visitors, theres so much going on that it can feel all too much i find!!
    #blogcrush

  10. June 9, 2017 / 12:47 pm

    #blogcrush I think this is spot on – I did the same! Nice to have some time together with a tiny baby too – family bonding <3

  11. June 9, 2017 / 3:33 pm

    Good for you. You do need your own space and work things out (what’s right for you) #BlogCrush
    Mama Grace recently posted…Magpie ChildMy Profile

  12. June 9, 2017 / 4:16 pm

    I’m so happy you shared this on the #BlogCrush. Beautifully written piece about a beautiful moment in life. Those first couple days are precious indeed. Our first born needed open heart surgery when he was 5 days old. We were thankful for visitors because they helped ease our stress and they provided a necessary distraction. Our second born had no issues and we had very few visitors, just a couple of our closest friends who were “in the neighborhood”.

  13. June 9, 2017 / 5:21 pm

    This is a great series! And this is a great post!
    We had our families at the hospital a lot and had friends visit as well. It was nice, but it was also pretty overwhelming. I didn’t even think about this disturbing the breastfeeding process! I was clueless about the whole concept, and ended up not doing very well with it. I am hoping to do better with the next baby and maybe not having so much company at the hospital will help. Thanks for the idea. 🙂
    Lexie recently posted…How to Sleep When You Have AnxietyMy Profile

  14. June 9, 2017 / 6:12 pm

    I love this new series…what a great idea!
    It’s a personal choice about letting people in to the hospital but obviously this was a good choice for you and your family. Thank you for sharing a personal moment. #blogcrush
    Oldhouseintheshires recently posted…Blue Sky Nomination and playing it forward.My Profile

  15. June 9, 2017 / 7:57 pm

    Oh your hospital care sounds different to here in the UK, we don’t start immunisations until 8 weeks! It’s so important you do what is best for you and baby. I was discharged from hospital after my 2nd pretty quickly! #BlogCrush
    Helen Gandy recently posted…Politics Can Kiss my …….My Profile

  16. Really interesting read and I can relate. I didn’t want anyone visiting us in hospital when my daughter was born or for a few days after. I wanted the privacy and time to adjust. Where I live we don’t spend long in hospital unless there is a need to stay in, and if you do then you are typically on a ward. I didn’t enjoy that experience and wanted to get home ASAP. My friend who was living in Melbourne when her daughter was born had a similar experience to you where she spent the first few days in hospital; it sounded really calm and relaxing! #BlogCrush
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything) recently posted…Why I took my laptop on holidayMy Profile

  17. June 9, 2017 / 10:31 pm

    Great idea for a series Wendy and this is a post that really resonates with me. I was overwhelmed with all the visitors with my first and just remember sitting there wanting them to go. It meant that with the twins I was much stricter – only allowing my eldest and the grandparents to visit in those first few days. I’m so pleased we made that decision. #BlogCrush

  18. June 11, 2017 / 7:39 am

    I can totally understand this. We allowed our parents but that was it and they never overstayed. I couldn’t have coped with anyone else. With my second there were complications during my csection and as soon as she was born I had to be knocked out. When I finally came round I was all over the place emotionally. My parents were meant to be coming and bringing our son, who was massively excited about meeting his baby sister, but I had to get hubby to call them and tell them not to, I didn’t want my son seeing me in that state. I was fine with them coming the next day though and I’m so glad I said no because I remember so little about that first day from all the drugs I was pumped full of and seeing my son hold his sister for the first time the next day is one of my most treasured memories x
    #BlogCrush
    Alana – Burnished Chaos recently posted…Happy Days: Forbidden Corner, Lazy Days and Stone CollectingMy Profile

  19. June 12, 2017 / 6:16 pm

    I totally agree, it is a massive change and you need that time after such a event to adapt to it with out all the interferences X #anythinggoes

  20. June 12, 2017 / 7:43 pm

    What a fab post to kick off the Newbie Takeover with! I’ve never really thought about this before. I guess it’s different for everyone. I had a really horrible hospital experience with my 1st (which I still can’t talk about even 6yrs later) so familiar faces were very welcome. And it meant I was determined to be in and out as quickly as possible with my 2nd (a grand total of 8.5hrs from arriving at the hospital to going home! Haha). But I definitely understand why you wanted that extra time alone with your baby. It’s hard when you feel like you need to entertain your guests, or like you’re supposed to know what you’re doing and you’re actually freaking out that you haven’t got a clue! Time to work this stuff out on your own is really useful #blogcrush
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Blogcrush Week 17 – 9th June 2017My Profile

  21. June 12, 2017 / 9:50 pm

    This is a really useful post as i never really thought about it. I was in 2 nights with both my babies. We only had very close family visit in hospital and at home in the first week but it was just who asked not because we particularly asked for it to be like that. #postsfromtheheart

  22. June 13, 2017 / 11:47 pm

    It’s a very personal time so good on you for suiting yourself! #blogcrush

  23. June 14, 2017 / 8:37 pm

    This is truly a terrific post about one of the single most amazing time’s in a lifetime! Well done! #blogcrush xoxo

  24. June 16, 2017 / 10:32 am

    WHat a lovely post , I think it is so nice to have some quiet calm time to get to know one another and settle into new family roles #postsfromtheheart
    daydreams of a mum recently posted…Out of my hands My Profile

  25. June 17, 2017 / 2:06 pm

    I loved this post so much, especially the thought that breastfeeding a second baby is very different to Breastfeeding the first. I thought I had it sewn up with the second because it had gone so well with the first… how wrong I was. #PostsFromTheHeart
    Mummy Times Two recently posted…Guest Post: Alyssia’s More Than Ordinary LifeMy Profile

  26. June 17, 2017 / 11:56 pm

    This is a fab series and excellent post. We only had my mother and sister in law visit the evening following the birth and I’m glad we too made the decision to keep visitors to an absolute minimum for its pretty invasive with everything else that happens during the 24 hours after birth. #postsfromtheheart

  27. June 18, 2017 / 4:16 pm

    Great post. I’m sure a lot of new mums would like this idea and perhaps hadn’t even considered it as an option. Well done for knowing what you wanted and sticking to it.
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
    Debbie
    Random Musings recently posted…The Million Dollar Blog: Book ReviewMy Profile

  28. June 19, 2017 / 6:43 pm

    I love this, and I’m glad to not be the only one who wants to hide away with their new baby. If I had my way we’d have at least a day where it was just us and our new baby (due any day), and then another with his older brothers before having to deal with anyone else. But I know keeping my mum away is going to be an impossible mission… We’ll have to let grandparents round, but I think for the first week we’ll try to keep everyone else at arms length.
    #PostsFromTheHeart
    Sadie recently posted…my pregnancy at 40 weeksMy Profile

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