A letter to my social life

dear social life

Dear social life,

Where did you go? I miss you. I’ve been searching for you for the last few years and I can’t find you anywhere. Where are you hiding?

We used to get on so well, I don’t know what I did for you to leave me in the lurch like this? Remember all those times when I was a teenager? Me and you were thriving then, you got me out of the house most days, filled my life with friends and fun. Do you remember all the nights out you were responsible for? All the hours spent dancing and laughing and all the headaches and head in the toilet moments that followed the next day? I miss those days, although I will admit I don’t miss the hangovers.

dear social life

The best friends are the ones who are as weird as you..

social life

Miss this lot loads..don’t miss drinking alchopops!

social life

Only in Magaluf would I wear something like this!

Perhaps our relationship peaked too soon? After the one big party that was my mid to late teens, you stuck around like a loyal dog through the uni years. You welcomed new people in, housemates, course friends and random people we met in freshers week. Then slowly but surely you started to slip away and all those people drifted away with you.

social life

The uni days, fancy dress happened most weeks.

social life

The media studies girls.

social life

Graduation ball..the beginning of the end for my social life.

It’s not just the nights out I miss Social Life, I miss everything else you represent: friends, fun, a life. Spontaneous lunches with the girls, shopping days and trips to the beach, hours sat on sofas drinking tea and chatting, text conversations that go on for days – I miss it all.

social life

One of the few play dates we went on before we moved and my social life disappeared.

Was it my fault you left? By getting pregnant at 21, did I ruin the happy relationship  we spent years building? Just when we should have been at our best, my early 20’s, you upped and left when I needed you the most. I know me living away from the friends we both loved didn’t help and spending so long cooped up in the house with a newborn baby didn’t do us any favours either. You could have stuck around though, waited out those months with me until I felt adjusted to my new role as Mummy and ready to take on the world. I love being a Mum and would never swap what I have now to have you back, I just wish I could have you as well – surely I am not asking the impossible?

social life

Friends and babies, it can definitely be done.

social life

A rare night out since being a Mummy, this was over 2 years ago.

Now you have gone, somehow the odd message on Facebook with friends every month or so seems to suffice. When the opportunity of a night out arises, excitement is often replaced with nerves as I am not sure I know what to do now we have been apart for so long. Where once you made sure I spoke to friends every day, now I can go months without hearing from anyone and some how I have convinced myself that this is normal. There is only so long I can go on eating virtual cake and drinking virtual wine with my online pals, I need real life friends too. No one can be happy just chatting on Twitter for the rest of their life, surely?

social life

One of the last times I had my favourite girls together in one room, Leo is 3months old here.

I have a 2 year old, I should be organising several play dates a week or out on trips to the coffee shop with other Mummies. Since you fizzled away I just don’t know what to do, I want these things but I feel so out of practice. After spending so much time alone with just my toddler, I am unsure what I would talk to another adult about. I know you miss our old friends Social Life, I miss them too. I need you to come back though, together we can meet new people and you never know, we could be stronger than ever.

Living in a strange town, miles away from familiar faces and with another baby on the way, I need you more than ever.  I don’t know how I will get through the days with two children if I don’t have you by my side, making me get out the house during the early days and helping me to forge new friendships.

I refuse to believe you have gone forever Social Life, I am only 25. My days should be filled with the company of others, I should not constantly be the lonely mum in the park or the one sat on her own at baby group while the little one plays. It doesn’t feel right that the highlight of my social calendar is when the parents or in laws are coming to stay for a weekend. I love them loads of course, I just need friends in my life too.

Please don’t become just a memory, something for me to reminisce about in the long waits to hear back from old friends. We had it good once and we can be that way again, maybe even better, I just need you to come back so we can find out. I promise I will try all I can to persuade you to return, I will come out of my shell more and talk to new people even though this terrifies my inner shy girl. I will make more of an effort to keep in touch with the friends we had so many good times with, if I can, I will make them a regular fixture in our lives again.

Please come back Social Life. I’m in my mid twenties, I’m not dead, I don’t want to live any more of my days without you.

social life

Because Mums like a good time too

Missing you always,
Wendy x

 

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46 Comments

  1. July 6, 2016 / 8:29 am

    So many nice pics and great memories for you. Don’t worry too much about your social life. It’s all worth it and it looks like you enjoyed it while you were babay-free x
    #bloggerclubuk
    the frenchie mummy recently posted…A tribute to mummy bloggersMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 7, 2016 / 6:57 pm

      I definitely enjoyed it while it was here! And you are so right, having a baby is definitely worth the lack of social life 🙂 xx

  2. July 6, 2016 / 9:18 am

    Great photos. It’s so hard to lose the spontaneity when you become a Mum, I totally understand where you’re coming from. But it wont be like that forever, hard to remember at the moment but this is only a short term thing. #bestandworst

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:46 pm

      Thanks Rachel, hopefully you’re right and I will start having a bit more of a social life soon. Although I have another baby on the way so I doubt it!xx

  3. July 6, 2016 / 9:55 am

    Looks like you know how to have a good time. It’s difficult juggling a social life with young children but once you have found a way it will all come back easily. Playdates are great for meeting like minded mums and don’t let the old friends slip away. #BloggerClubUK
    MotherofTeenagers recently posted…No Mobile Phones AllowedMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:17 pm

      Great advice, it is so hard to keep in contact with old friends when we all live so far away but we try and make the effort. Yes I need to arrange play dates I just worry about Leo not playing nicely with the other kids, he can be a bit of a nightmare xx

  4. July 6, 2016 / 11:37 am

    I can’t even write a letter to my old social life…it’s pretty much dead and buried!But now I have new one. One with mum (and dad) friends and lots of chats about ridiculous things that happen to us. And maybe it’s better because it’s very genuine and caring but still fantastic!
    #BloggerClubUK

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:45 pm

      Aww yes, friends who are parents too can be great. I struggle sometimes because talking about kids all the time can get a bit trying, I like meeting people who like to chat about anything and everything. I definitely don’t want to go back to drinking every weekend and being a silly teenager, it would just be nice to not spend every night infront of the TV or the laptop xx

  5. July 6, 2016 / 12:20 pm

    Ah I totally empathise – I moved to a new town too and I know nobody here, I’m no good at the play date thing – hanging out with people purely coz we both have children doesnt do it for me, I miss real friends! #Bloggerclubuk xx
    Hayley McLean recently posted…Behind The ScenesMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:43 pm

      That is exactly how I feel! I need to have something more in common than just the fact we both are Mum’s. Mum friends are great but sometimes the best friends are the ones you make when you’re young and you grow up with. I hope you meet some lovely new people in your new town xx

  6. July 6, 2016 / 12:42 pm

    What a brilliant way to write about this feeling of losing out on life and friendships and chats over tea! I really didn’t expect this post to finish the way it did, it took me by surprise. I was really moved by this! I’ve just moved country with my 2little kids and I’ve felt the exact same! Let’s hope SocialLife comes back to us soon! #BloggerClubUK

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:41 pm

      Aww thanks for your lovely comment Saira. I bet if must be even more difficult for you moving to a different country, I hope you meet some new people and start growing a social life again soon 🙂 xx

  7. July 6, 2016 / 9:38 pm

    I know how you feel. It’s difficult to make new friends once your out of Uni and if you’re not at work. I always struggle to talk to other Mums at baby and toddler groups. I can do the, “Aww, how old is he?” and other random questions but then it just kind of dies off. I haven’t made any new friends on my own since the girls. I’m lucky that a work friend had a baby 6 months before me, and I’ve just kind of tagged onto their little circle, so glad they let me!
    I hope Social Life comes back and you get to have some time being you again and not just Mummy xxx
    #BloggerClubUK

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:54 pm

      Oh I am exactly the same at baby groups, I never know what to say after the initial ‘what’s his name/how old is he’ small talk. Aww I am glad you have found some other Mum friends, hopefully I will soon too. I just miss my old friends but they are all miles away from me now.xx

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:52 pm

      Aww Laura, I know just how you feel! If you lived near me I would totally invite you round for a cup of tea :). It is hard to organise meeting up with friends once you have kids xx

  8. July 6, 2016 / 9:53 pm

    Social life, what’s that ha! Mine went out the window in 2012 lol. Seriously though I do try and have the odd day out or night out when I can but it is nothing like it used to be. You’ll get it back at somepoint though! Thanks for linking up #bestandworst

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:39 pm

      Haha 2012?! I think it is time you went looking for it :). Yes I have the odd night out but they are very few and far between these days.xx

  9. July 7, 2016 / 8:59 am

    I don’t even know where my social life lives anymore so couldn’t even write it a letter! #bloggerclubuk

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:36 pm

      Hahaha, you could always try and find it on Facebook or friends reunited? 🙂 xx

  10. July 7, 2016 / 12:14 pm

    What fab memories and it is hard to keep up the life you had once you become mummy. I hope you can find some more social time Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime
    An imperfect mum (Catie) recently posted…A Blogging Good Time #6My Profile

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:36 pm

      Thanks hun, it is hard to not loose the person you were before kids came along, especially when you live so far away from friends and family. Fingers crossed my party days aren’t over yet!Thanks for hosting xx

  11. July 7, 2016 / 6:14 pm

    Awww I feel ya – it’s so hard isn’t it? I miss fun me!! I always drive when I go out now and never stay oit late. My girls are off to Ibiza this weekend and it seems like a lifetime away! #ablogginggoodtime

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:33 pm

      Aww no way, jealous! I never did Ibize when I was younger but always wanted too, there’s still time though. It is hard, especially when you see on Facebook your child free friends going out every weekend and travelling, stuff like that just isn’t easy to do once you have kids xx

  12. July 7, 2016 / 6:33 pm

    It can be so hard to have a social life as a parent, especially if you work. I feel guilty if I don’t spend every waking hour that I’m not at work with my daughter, which doesn’t leave much time for socialising. It’s important to fit it in though, for your own sanity – I’m sure your social life isn’t over just yet! #ablogginggoodtime
    Squirmy Popple recently posted…The obligatory blogiversary postMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:31 pm

      Oh I know what you mean about the guilt. I always feel bad leaving Leo with grandparents/babysitter just so Oli and I can have a night out but it is so important to make time for yourself once you becomea parent.xx

  13. July 7, 2016 / 6:47 pm

    To be fair I’ve spent a lot more time drinking since our little one came along. Admittedly it’s generally on my own, sat in the corner of a darkened room hoping that he goes to sleep But yeah it is definitely hard juggling everything and almost impossible to be spontaneous these days! #BloggerClubUK

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:30 pm

      Haha, oh dear! Spontaneity definitely goes out the window once kids come along xx

  14. July 7, 2016 / 7:43 pm

    I love this post hon! Although I am a decade older than you (eek!) I totally feel a lot of what you have written here. It is so hard sacrificing the social aspect when becoming a mum but fingers crossed it will be yours again one day! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xxx

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:28 pm

      Aww thanks Talya, it is difficult but having a baby was the best thing I ever did so I’m not regretting that at all. It would just be nice to have a bit of a social life too! Thanks for hosting xx

  15. July 8, 2016 / 12:55 pm

    I can so empathise with you. After uni everyone was doing their own thing, not enough time to juggle the both. Although a part of me misses it, I very much also love the new pages I am currently writing.

    • Wendy
      July 8, 2016 / 11:25 pm

      Yes I know what you mean, I feel like everyone went their separate ways after uni. Lots of my friends moved back in with their parents or away for jobs and I just stayed in the city we went to uni and got married and started a family. You are right though, the things that are going on now are just as fun and exciting, just in a different way xx

  16. July 9, 2016 / 8:56 am

    I feel the same! I got pregnant at 22, well before any of my friends had kids so while they were out partying I was at home doing night feeds. My social life is starting to make a bit of a comeback now though as my kids are 3 and 5 and my friends are finally starting to catch up with having babies! x #picknmix

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:20 pm

      Aww yes I know what you mean, it is hard in the early days when you are doing the baby things and you see all your friends are out partying and travelling and stuff. Oh well, it is definitely worth it, I am glad I had my boy when I did and I can’t wait for my second to arrive in a few months – even though that will means there definitely won’t be any nights out for a while haha. Glad you’re getting a bit more of a social life now 🙂 xx

  17. July 9, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    Moving to a new area where you know no one, to have a baby is hard – I know, I did it four years ago. And finding friends is hard. But the best piece of advice I can give you is get out there. Get your face out there, push yourself to daytime things, toddler groups, events, stuff, anything. Even if you don’t really want to. But with little children its the best way of finding where the other girls hang out. Plus your children will do the hard work for you. I made more friends after having O than I ever did alone.Also forget your age. You’re a mum, same as the other mums. I have friends of all ages now. And its never an issue! Big hugs and here’s to finding some real hugs xxx #ablogginggoodtime
    Lisa Savage recently posted…My baby starts school in September – what am I going to do?My Profile

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:23 pm

      Great advice! I am trying to get out to toddler groups and things as much as I can, I just never really know what to talk about. I have friends of different ages they just all live far away! It is so hard having a baby away from home isn’t it? Thanks for the hug 🙂 and I hope you’re right and I can get some real ones soon xx

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:23 pm

      Thanks Mainy, I hope you’re right 🙂 xx

  18. July 11, 2016 / 5:01 pm

    Aww bless you! Youre so young still so I can totally get where your coming from. My little one is 3 too and I have no social life either, not even date nights with my Mr because everytime we’ve arranged them we’ve had to cancel them, usually becuase the little one is ill! Now baby number two has come along, there is no hope lol. But I think it will get easier, and as you find friends starting to have their babies too its gets easier to see them and catch up as you have similar new interests in common 🙂 Emily #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 1:58 pm

      Aww I bet it is hard for you now your new baby is here, I am sure you can find someone eager to baby sit the kids soon and you and the hubby will be able to have a night out. Yes pretty much all my friends have kids now but I have moved miles away from them all :/. One day I will have a social life again, when Leo is 18 I will just be 40 and they say life begins at 40 so you never know 🙂 xx

  19. July 11, 2016 / 9:06 pm

    Your social life doesn’t have to disappear. It’s just it will be a different format. Maybe take up a (baby-free) hobby and see if you find some like-minded souls. Maybe arrange some playdates with some of the other baby group mums. There’s always hope! Looks like you were such a butterfly when you were younger, I’m sure she’s still in there somewhere.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #AnythingGoes

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 1:55 pm

      I was thinking about taking some kind of class doing something but I just don’t know what yet. If I liked exercise I would join some kind of exercise class haha. Aww thanks, I did have a lot of fun before motherhood arrived, I love having my boy though and we have fun just in different ways. Play dates are a good idea except Leo hates playing nicely, eeep. Hopefully, I will find some kind of social life again soon xx

  20. July 14, 2016 / 6:56 am

    My first son was born when I was 21, that and then my eventual divorce pretty much got rid of 99.9% of the friends I had ha. Thank God for blogging is all I can say, I’ve made more true friends in the last 18 months than I ever thought I would…. now to just get everyone to move to Cornwall.

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

  21. July 14, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    I can totally relate to this post – I had my first child at 18 and I feel like I missed out on everything socially. Now that I’m nearly 30 (omg!) I don’t care anymore but it did matter to me for a really long time. Thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofBLOG x
    A Mum Track Mind recently posted…Introducing #mydarlingmemory for InstagramMy Profile

  22. July 14, 2016 / 11:33 pm

    Its tough and you just start getting it back and then have another kid, well that’s what I did. I had my first at 22 so I do know how you feel. Thanks for linking to #picknmix x
    mummyandmonkeys recently posted…Why it’s ok for it to be just us twoMy Profile

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