Everything you need to know about becoming a mum of 2

Everything you need to know about becoming a mum of 2

My baby boy Alex is nearly one whole year old now. That means I have almost made it through 12 months as a mum of two. Making the leap from no babies to one baby was difficult, life changing, don’t get me wrong but taking the plunge and having a second baby? Well, that’s just a whole different ball game. When you announce the news you have another bun in the oven people will tell you things like: ‘the second baby just slots right in’ , ‘it’s so much easier the second time around’ and ‘you will know what you are doing this time’. While all these bits of advice are said with nothing but good intentions most of the time, I kind of wish people would stop telling pregnant mums what they want to hear and instead start dishing out the cold hard facts. I love being a mum of two but I was a bit naïve to how much life would change all over again when we had our second baby. If you are currently expecting your second baby or are considering trying for another baby, here is an insight into what life with two small children is really like. View Post

Looking back on the summer holidays

Looking back on the summer holidays

It has finally arrived..the start of school! My baby boy is off to big school on Monday. His uniform is bought, washed, ironed and his name is stuck to everything. We are prepared but I don’t know if we are exactly ready, well not mentally anyway. I have no idea what tomorrow morning will bring, I am sure the rush to get out the house will be nothing but stressful and we will both have nervous butterflies in our tummies as we make our way to the school. Will there be tears? Will he cling to me, afraid of what waits in the classroom? More than likely Leo will be over excited to see his play school friends after a long summer apart and will rush off without me, ready to start this new adventure together. There is no knowing how tomorrow is going to go, all I can do is tell Leo it will all be fine, hold his hand as we go in and promise him I will be there waiting for him at the end of the day.

With the start of school just one sleep away, I thought I would take some time to reflect on the past 8 weeks. When play school ended way back in July I was kind of dreading the holidays, how the hell was I going to keep 2 children happy for 8 whole weeks? I am not going to pretend the holidays have been perfect, there have been days where I have shouted too much, Leo has cried too much and we have all got on each others nerves. I really wanted to make these holidays special though, to not turn to the TV babysitter too often and instead get out and go on lots of fun adventures with the boys. Once Leo starts school our weekdays are going to be forced back into a routine, a schedule stricter than any we have known before, all I wanted from our last 8 weeks was to have lots of fun and make loads of happy memoires. So, while there have been times I have been pulling my hair out and Leo has moaned about being boooored , I think I have succeeded and we have all had a lovely time together. Here is what we have got up to, I am sure I will be holding on to these beautiful days together forever.

Looking back on the summer holidays

Soft play party –

On the very last day of term Leo had an early birthday party. We booked the local soft play and Leo loved running around with his play school friends and having a Batman themed party. It was a great way to kick start the summer holidays.

SandyBalls holiday –

At the very beginning of the summer holidays the kids and I went and stayed with my parents for a few nights at Sandballs Holiday Village in the New Forest. We had such a lovely time together, there was swimming in the pool, beach days, bbqs and lots of exploring. It was really special to have some time with my parents and Leo had a fantastic time.

Holiday in Wales –

Oli took some annual leave in August and we went and stayed in my parents caravan for a few nights at the beginning of August, It was actually really fun staying in the caravan just the four of us and we spent lots of time playing on the beaches I used to visit regularly as a child. Leo had his first ever experience of flying a kite and Alex enjoyed playing in the sand. We made so many beautiful memories from just a very simple holiday. While in Wales we also visited mine and Oli’s home town and spent some time with our parents. My mother in law and I took the boys to Borth Animalarium one day and Leo loved it – he even kissed a snake!

National Trust –

We have really made the most of our National Trust passes this summer and have visited Mottisfont (our local) almost every week. They were running a Gruffalo trail all over the summer and showcasing the work of Axel Scheffler in the gallery. Leo loved seeing all the illustrations from his favourite books and the trail was really fun, there were props and characters to find from lots of Julia Donaldson’s books all over the grounds. We visited just the four of us but have also been up there with family and their children too so it has been lots of fun. (Don’t have a national trust pass? Here are 5 reasons why you need one).

Peppa Pig World –

At the beginning of August my friend from back home came to stay with her little girl and her sister. We took the kids on a day trip to Peppa Pig World and they loved it. Leo has been to Peppa Pig World before (here’s our tips if you’re planning a visit) but this time he was a whole year older so he was a bit braver on all the rides. It did pour it down with rain though but we just bought some ponchos and did lots of jumping in muddy puddles.

Birthday party –

On the 15th August Leo turned 4 years old! We had a little tea party for him at home with his cousins, grandparents and some of his Uncles too. It was lovely and Batman themed again! There were games of pass the parcel and musical statues and lots of cake. It was nice to have something a bit more low key after the crazy soft play he had with his friends at the start of the summer.

Marwell Zoo –

For Leo’s birthday we went to Marwell Zoo. We met up with one of his pre school friends and it was lovely to see how happy the boys were to see each other. I don’t feel like we saw that many animals as the zoo were hosting a Lego trail of animals made of Lego bricks and the boys were much more interested in that than the actual animals.

Durdle door –

There was a day where Oli had to travel to Dorset for a work meeting. The boys and I decided to tag along and after Oli’s work was done we decided to spend the afternoon on the beach. We headed to Durdle Door and I was blown away with how beautiful it was. Leo had so much fun playing in the sea and I sat watching him play and soaking up the sunshine. It was one of those perfect days that I hope I never forget.

Corfe Castle –

On the bank holiday weekend we visited Dorset again but this time we headed to Corfe Castle. It was a gloriously sunny day and we had lots of fun exploring the castle grounds before visiting another beautiful Dorset beach in the afternoon.

Winchester Science Museum –

Last weekend we visited Winchester Science Museum. It is only 20 minutes from our house so I have no idea why we have never been before – it was so cool! Leo really enjoyed looking at all the different exhibits and everything is really interactive, Alex had a great time too. We watched a short animation film in the planetarium and it was so amazing, I wish every cinema was like that.

Play dates and playgrounds –

Amongst all the big days out there have also been lots of trips to the play ground, some toddler groups, the library and meeting up with some friends. We have really embraced ‘the playdate’ this summer holidays and it has been lovely for both Leo and me to meet up and chat to other people.

The ordinary moments –

We have had lots of days at home this holiday, days where we have just watched TV all day and just spent quality time together. We have played imagination games with Lego, baked biscuits, danced around to the Lego Batman soundtrack and just had fun at home. These days have also been a bit testing as it can be hard to not start getting on each others nerves when we don’t leave the house all day. It has been hard at times, the relentless noise and need for attention, but I am going to miss having my little shadow around when he goes to school.

I feel all emotional after writing this post. We really have had an amazing summer, an amazing 4 years and I am sad to be sending my baby off to school tomorrow. I know he is going to have a fantastic time though and it is the start of his next big adventure. You go get ’em Leo boy, Mummy and Daddy are so very proud of you already.

Has your baby just started school this September too? Have you found the end of the summer holidays emotional as well? I hope everyone’s little ones settle in to school life ok and that you parents out there don’t sob into your hot-for-once cuppa for too long!

Starting primary school – the mummy bloggers guide

Starting primary school – the mummy bloggers guide

Waa, Leo is starting primary school in less than 3 weeks time and I am so not ready to be sending my baby off to the classroom 5 days a week. I am feeling emotional about this massive step, obviously, and if I am being completely honest I am feeling really overwhelmed too. Leo is my firstborn, I have not had to navigate the chaos of the school run and the world of playground politics before; when it comes to starting school and getting organised I am clueless. To help me feel a little less terrified about the new school year and to give me a lesson or two on how to ease my child into reception year, I have enlisted the help of some fellow mummy bloggers. I asked 10 of my lovely blogging buddies, all mums of children already in school, to share with me their top tips, survival hacks and pearls of wisdom on how to prepare and ease your child (and yourself) into school life. If you have a little one donning a school uniform for the first time this September too then I am sure you will find this post useful and will be bossing your new life as a school run mum before the first half term is over.  View Post

Back to school essentials with Spider-Man and the Disney Store

Back to school essentials with Spider-Man and the Disney Store

Leo is starting school next month. I am only just accepting the fact that my baby boy has turned four years old and I am struggling to get my head around the fact he is going to primary school in just a matter of weeks. Although there are many things I am dreading about my not so little man starting school, the manic morning rush to get out on time just being one of them, there are lots of things I am excited about too. One of those things is buying all the back to school essentials for Leo so he can start the new term with everything he needs. We have received lots of amazing back to school products from the Disney Store to review and, let me just say this, my boy is going to be the envy of all his Spider-Man adoring friends come September.  View Post

Disclaimer: This post is written in collaboration with the Disney Store. We received a bundle of Spider-Man products in return for this honest review. All words and opinions are my own.

You are 4 – a birthday poem for Leo

You are 4 – a birthday poem for Leo

You are 4

Once you were just a faint pink line,

the promise of a family and a dream come true.

When the doctor told me I cried with relief,

I felt like I had waited forever for you.

You lived in my tummy for a little while,

every stretch and every kick filled me with joy.

Then at 9.03 on a Thursday you arrived in the world,

we finally met you our baby boy.

That day you were born I couldn’t sleep,

I couldn’t take my tired eyes off you all night.

I couldn’t believe you were really mine,

I just watched you while you held my finger tight.

A beautiful baby everyone said,

gorgeous hair, blue eyes and a lovely smile.

The image of your dad we all agreed,

though you looked like me too for a little while.

Twelve months flew by in a heartbeat,

suddenly you were one and eating birthday cake.

A year since you arrived and changed my life,

so many memoires made and so many more to make.

You were always happy and laughing,

a sociable toddler who thrived on attention.

Baby groups and soft play fun were some of your favourites

but the thing who have always loved most is affection.

At two years old things were difficult,

your biting and tantrums bringing us both to tears.

Fiercely independent and often infuriatingly stubborn,

yet you were also far too clever for your small years.

Confident, cheeky and loving,

just three of the many words to describe you.

A happy baby and mischievous toddler

but sometimes the devil in disguise when you were two.

Another twelve months and then you were three,

a boy who loved dinosaurs, super heroes and a certain blue train.

Flashing plastic toys swapped for hours building train tracks,

you would choo choo along before breaking it and building it again.

Play school started around this time,

you used to desperately cling to me and cry.

Lovely teachers, friendship and toys helped you settle in,

before long there was nothing stressful about the drop off goodbye.

So much has happened since you were just a line,

you are an amazing son and now a big brother too.

Always our baby but so grown up now,

next month you start school and I don’t know what I’ll do.

And today another twelve months have gone,

you have grown and changed even more.

Today is another special day,

it’s your birthday and I can’t believe you are four.

Once you were just a pink line,

the start of a family and a dream come true.

Once I could only imagine who you would be,

I am so happy you turned out to be you.


Happy birthday to you my beautiful boy Leo. I hope you have an amazing day, I know you will because I am taking you to the zoo and you love the zoo. I might even let you eat cake at breakfast as well. Love you lots sweetheart, lets see what adventures are around the corner, I hear being four is pretty fun.


You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..


Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

Is it time we put our smartphones down? – #babyLove My Toddler Life book review

Is it time we put our smartphones down? – #babyLove My Toddler Life book review

“I will play Lego with you in a minute.” *said while staring at a screen*

“You want me to read that book again? I will do in a sec.” *said while staring at a screen*

“Can mummy just take a break from playing hide and seek for a bit?” *said while reaching for a phone*

“Why don’t you just watch some cartoons for a little while?” *said while reaching for a phone*

“You look so cute in this photo.” *said while immediately uploading to social media*

“Can you just do that again, this picture is blurry.” *said while trying to get a perfect picture for social media*

Does any of this sound familiar? Do you feel like there is an extra person in your family? That extra ‘person’ being not a human who actually needs and craves your attention but a technological device that somehow seems to steal so much of your time. I am going to be completely honest, I feel like I am living as part of a family of 6. This family set up appears near enough nuclear on first appearances but it’s true make up goes like this: Mummy, Daddy, child 1, child 2, Mummy’s phone and Daddy’s phone. View Post

We were sent a copy of #babylove My Toddler Life free of charge in return for this honest review. All words and opinions are my own.

Mental health after pregnancy – Reflecting on the darkest days

Mental health after pregnancy – Reflecting on the darkest days

Recently I went to see my GP again about my mental health as I had been struggling with a low mood and had been feeling emotionally run down for a while. I went through a period of a couple months where I had started to feel back on top form, I was loving my life as a mum of two and everything was good but then that familiar cloud of depression began to lurk over my days again. The doctor doesn’t want to give me medication and I don’t think that’s what I want either, actually as soon as I spoke (cried at) to her I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and in the days that followed I started to feel better. Since I started opening up about my mental health way back at the beginning of the year I have learnt that talking is a powerful tool when it comes to recovery. Talking and writing have helped me so much and it may be hard to get the words out but once you overcome that hurdle it really does help. View Post

59 reasons NOT to have a third baby

59 reasons NOT to have a third baby

Recently Alex has started to be really clingy, I mean, I can’t put him down for more than 2 minutes without him going mental and acting like I’ve abandoned him on the side of the road or something. Not wanting to miss out on the fun of stressing Mummy out, Leo has decided now is a great time to start being as naughty as possible and have loads of massive tantrums, worse than those of the biggest two year old diva going. So you would think the last thing on my mind would be the idea of potentially adding another baby to the chaos wouldn’t you? And yet here I am, I have a 3 year old and an almost 9 month old and I’m feeling, dare I say it, broody.

What is going on?

I don’t know if it’s because Leo is off to school in September, because Alex is insisting on making it his mission to learn to walk before his first birthday or because almost every single person I follow on instagram is either pregnant or has just had a squishy little newborn but for some crazy reason I am toying with the idea of maybe having a third baby. The thing is, deep down I know I’m happy with two. I love my boys and think our little family unit is lovely but there is some part of me (I’m blaming hormones!) that can’t help but wonder what life would be like if we had a third baby. So, to silence that little daydream and stop it in its tracks before I find myself trying to convince the husband we should try for another baby, I am writing this list…

59 reasons not to have a third baby

1. Morning sickness sucks

2. First trimester anxiety sucks

3. Having to keep a secret that big for 12 weeks is stressful and really hard to do

4. Maternity clothes are mostly unflattering and really unfashionable

5. Maternity clothes cost loads

6. Having a ‘not quite’ baby bump just makes you feel frumpy

7. You have no control over your appetite during pregnancy

8. Pregnancy hormones suck

9. The third trimester is really hard going

10. A much needed nap whilst heavily pregnant would be impossible with 2 little ones running around

11. Contractions are beyond painful (remember this!)

12. Giving birth is not dissimilar to someone holding a flame between your legs whilst you force out a melon

13. Those early days of breastfeeding are stressful and sometimes painful (remember what Alex did to your poor nipples!)

14. The postpartum bleed is painful, gross and lasts for weeks

15. You sort of feel like you’ve been hit by a lorry for the first couple weeks after giving birth

16. Changing that first ever pooey nappy is pretty disgusting, meconium is like tar

17. Waking up 10 times a night to stick a baby on your boob is not fun

18. Trying to make it through the day on 3 hours broken sleep with 2 kids to look after is hard enough as is

19. Coping with a whinging toddler and crying newborn feels like hell at times

20. The laundry pile is never finished as a family of 4, we would need another house to store another persons dirty clothes and sheets in

21. The weekly food shop already costs a small fortune

22. It surely wouldn’t be possible to feed a baby and a toddler and a fussy four year old and maybe even myself 3 times a day, would it?

23. We would have to scrap the car and buy like a mini bus or something to fit in all the car seats and prams

24. I find it hard enough giving 2 children equal and fair attention

25. There would be no time in the day left for quality ‘me time’

26. The hubby and I never get a break to just be a couple as it is

27. Where would we put all the toys?

28. With only 2 no one can be left out

29. I’m shattered after a day at home with just the two

30. A third pregnancy and labour is very likely to obliterate what’s left of my pelvic floor

31. The hubby and I would be outnumbered

32. The budget would have to be even tighter, we wouldn’t be able to go on as many family days out

33. I would probably go bald thanks to post pregnancy hair loss (still shedding like a cat 9 months post birth)

34. Two of the kids would have to share a bedroom

35. Our established bedtime routines would probably go out the window

36. I could sell all the baby clothes that are taking up space in the attic

37. Our moses basket is worth a fortune, I would be able to sell that too.

38. I actually like my post baby body, I might not feel that way after a third pregnancy

39. We would never be able to afford to go on a family holiday

40. The two boys might get jealous

41. Could I really deal with 3 kids crying at the same time?

42. Potty training is not something I want to endure 3 times over

43. What if another child made my anxiety worse?

44. I might get post natal depression again

45. My other 2 children probably don’t want or need another sibling

46. A family trip to the cinema (one of our favourite things) would cost about a million pounds

47. I would have to write this blog in the middle of the night

48. Would I have any boobs left after breastfeeding a third baby?

49. My stomach muscles might split apart again

50. Could I really cope parenting three teenagers when the time comes?

51. What if it’s a girl and her brothers don’t like her?

52. What if it’s a boy and I feel a bit disappointed?

53. Nursing bras are ugly and the sooner I don’t have to wear them anymore the better

54. Any career plans would have to take another step back

55. We would have three times the worry

56. Does anyone actually survive the terrible twos third time around?

57. We would never be able to afford to give them everything they want

58. If we don’t have another then my days of changing nappies will soon be over

59. The hubby doesn’t want another one (end of).

Woah, that list ended up being a lot longer than I’d anticipated. I think I’ve created a pretty strong case, perhaps a third baby wouldn’t be the best idea after all. Of course, when making big life decisions you should always consider both sides of the argument. However, I feel writing ’59 reasons I SHOULD have another baby’ would be counterproductive in this instance.

As I said, Oli is very much of the two and done mindset and I’m pretty sure I am too. I don’t want to encourage that little broody part of me by writing a massive list of all the reasons why being a parent is amazing and why bringing another little life into the world would be a frigging amazing thing to do. It really would be wonderful.

Do you have more than 2 children? Are all my points valid or am I imagining it to be way more difficult than it actually is? Maybe you’re in the same situation as me, what’s stopping you from taking the plunge and extending your family? I would love to hear your thoughts.


You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..


Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

The end of an era – my baby is going to big school!

The end of an era – my baby is going to big school!

Today was Leo’s last day of play school. This morning was like any of other Thursday morning except for the fact that this particular Thursday marks the end of an era and is the beginning of the next chapter in Leo’s life. I can still clearly remember dropping Leo off for his first ever session at play school back in March 2016 when he was just 2 and half years old. Today he was there with all his friends, children he has only known just over a year, and together they celebrated their ‘graduation’ from play school with a little leavers party.

My baby is going to big school

the end of an era

How has this happened? My baby boy, my beautiful firstborn, is leaving pre school behind him and in September will be thrown into the world of full time education for the next 12 years of his life. He is ready for this, he thrives in a teacher led environment surrounded by other children to play with. I’m not naïve, I am not expecting it to be a completely smooth transition, Leo will only just have turned 4 when he starts school and while he is mature in some ways, there is an obvious difference between him and his older peers. I know Leo is going to love school though, we talk about it all the time and he is so excited to be starting ‘big school’ soon.

Leo may be ready but me? Well , I most definitely am not. I know it is a cliché but I just don’t know where the past 4 years have gone. I feel like since becoming a mum my whole life is on fast forward, it feels like just moments ago I had a midwife telling me to scoop my baby up out of the birthing pool. I can remember the day he arrived in the world so vividly in my mind, and I will never forget how our eyes locked for the first time and in that moment he changed my life forever. When I look into those same eyes now I still see my baby. I think even when Leo is 50 I will always see him as that very same baby, no matter how big and old he gets.

DSC_0570 (2)

Delve a bit deeper into my blog and you will see that since having Leo I haven’t always loved motherhood, I struggled a lot when Leo was 2 and went through a biting phase and throwing serious toddler tantrums, I have often questioned if I’m doing it all wrong and have felt the unwelcome effects of ‘mum guilt’ on an all too regular basis. I definitely haven’t cherished every moment with Leo but I have absolutely loved spending my days with him. And now that time is almost over and I’m really sad about it. Come September our days will be dictated to by the school run, no longer will we have afternoons completely empty of plans, a blank space for us to fill however we want. There will never be a random Tuesday where I can just ask Leo what he wants to do with our day, where we can just stroll up to the library and read books and play and grab a cake from the coffee shop on the way home. We won’t be able to spend mornings lazily watching Moana and Lego Batman, eating toast and cuddling close. Education, new friends and exciting new experiences will begin to take over his life, it’s not a bad thing I know, it’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m just going to miss having my best buddy around that’s all.


I guess today I am just feeling a bit sad as Leo leaving play school feels like the end of an era. It is the end of him bringing home ‘splat rainbow’ paintings, castles made out of empty cat food boxes and gifting me coco pops cakes and tiny bread rolls that he’s made during cooking week. We will never again excitedly open his tatty blue book bag to see what story he has picked today, he always knows what it is but likes to act surprised when I pull it out anyway. His school is on the same road as play school so it’s not the last time we’ll see it but when I picked him up today that was the last time we set foot in the building, unless Alex goes there when he’s older. I think it is only natural to feel this way when a chapter in life comes to an end, I can only hope Leo isn’t feeling as sad about it all as I am.

Looking at Leo now it is amazing to see how far he has come and how much he has grown in just 16 months. I am so proud of him, he has gone from a ragey toddler who got off on the wrong foot with the other kids by biting and snatching toys to now a polite and friendly little boy with a group of friends and brilliant relationships with all the staff at his play school. He still has his moments, he’s not perfect but then who is? The thing is though, play school really helped him learn how to deal with his emotions, to understand how to get on with others and it has sparked his curiosity and interest in the world around him. I will always be grateful for the staff there for helping to shape my little two year old into the absolute joy of an almost 4 year old he is now.

DSC_0559 (2)

As for Leo, I could not be prouder of him if I tried, he is amazing in every way and I am so excited to see him start his new journey into the world of primary school. Until September comes around though I will be making the most of the summer holidays, 8 weeks of no plans and our final chance to take on each day in whatever way we fancy. No school run schedule to abide by or need to rush around. I am sure there will be times where I feel like I’m running on summer holiday survival mode but I am not ready to let go of my baby just yet, I am determined to cram in as much quality family time during the summer as possible.

It’s been an emotional day, has your little one finished play school or nursery today? Maybe you have a child about to finish primary school or maybe one who’s about to graduate university – I would love to find out how you feel as your child gets ready to their next step towards their future.


You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..


Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

Surviving the summer holidays – The Newbie Takeover #5 Popcorn for Lunch

Surviving the summer holidays – The Newbie Takeover #5 Popcorn for Lunch

It is time for this week’s post in my guest blogging series, The Newbie Takeover. This week I have lovely Jemma from Popcorn for Lunch. I love this post, it is all about surviving the summer holidays. Are you ready for 6 weeks of hell fun with the kids Mama’s? I have got the fear I have to be honest. I hope you all enjoy the post, over to you Jemma.. View Post

I want a break from being a parent, is that such a bad thing?

I want a break from being a parent, is that such a bad thing?

Do you ever just feel like you need a break from being a parent? I am not just talking about enjoying some ‘me time’, I mean a proper break. Lately I have been feeling really bogged down and constantly struggling my way through the daily grind. For the past few weeks I have often caught myself fantasising about sending my boys off to their grandparents for a weekend, an hour or so to myself just isn’t cutting it anymore. I have daydreamed about packing up Leo’s little George Pig rucksack and cramming nappy after nappy into Alex’s change bag and waving them good bye as I leave them in the very capable hands of my parents or in laws. Is that really such a bad thing? Mum guilt has obviously tried to tell me I am a horrible mum for craving time away from parenting when I should be making exciting plans for family days out but I am telling mum guilt to do one. I need a break and I have decided that that is ok. Here is a look into my daily life as a stay at home mum of 2 boys, to help you understand why I am in desperate need of a break from being a parent.. View Post

Post natal depression, it’s not how I imagined

Post natal depression, it’s not how I imagined

I never thought I would suffer with post natal depression. Then again, I doubt many women think they will get it either. It is not what you think about when you are pregnant is it? You are too busy thinking about the little human growing inside you, planning for their arrival and imaging the life as a family that is waiting for you just around the corner. Thoughts of whether you will feel sad for months on end or if you will feel completely overwhelmed by it all aren’t really common place amongst the excitement over adorable baby clothes and decorating the nursery.

Well, I didn’t consider I would get PND anyway. But I did and it is not what I had expected it to be.

Post natal depression, it is not how I imagined

I always thought post natal depression meant you couldn’t love your baby, for me that is not the case. I thought sufferers of post natal depression were suicidal, that is not the case for me either. The media made me believe if you suffered from PND then you thought about hurting your baby, you thought about hurting yourself or you just sat in the dark and cried for months. I was misguided, misinformed, and I was naïve. Post natal depression is not black and white, it is not a one size fits all condition. For some women post natal depression shows itself in one way and in others it comes to the surface in a totally different manner.

Post natal depression caught me completely off guard. I didn’t see it coming, I never expected it to become a part of my life, I thought I was too happy to ever get depressed. I am happily married, have a lovely family and children who are my world, what have I got to be sad about?  And that is my naivety to the complexity of mental health, displayed neatly in that last sentence. There doesn’t need to be a reason, depression can hit any of us at any time, sometimes circumstances and situations can cause it and other times it can just show up uninvited.

My second baby was about 2 months old when I realised something wasn’t quite right. Again, my misconception of post natal depression led me to ignore my symptoms for weeks, convinced I must just be feeling down, the baby blues maybe, as post natal depression crops up within the days after birth doesn’t it? You can’t be feeling happy for almost 2 months and then suddenly just get it can you? Post natal depression isn’t like the flu, you don’t just ‘catch it’. Often it can begin as a slow burn, something you can just push aside and try to ignore, but as time wears on the sadness and anxiety shout louder, refusing to let you carry on with life as normal.

Before I was one of them, I thought sufferers of post natal depression were sad all the time, crying all the time and they were easy to spot because they rarely smiled. This is not the case at all. Over Christmas I fake smiled my way through countless family gatherings, I pretended to be happy when I wasn’t. I lied to everyone around me every time they asked how I was and I said I was ok. No amount of forced smiles or ignoring the elephant in my brain could stop the sadness and anxiety that was constantly niggling in my chest, picking at me and dragging my mood down to depths I wasn’t willing to go. Just because someone is smiling doesn’t mean they are happy, don’t assume a new mum is coping just because she says she is ok – it is hard enough admitting to yourself that you are struggling, let alone telling friends and family that you are depressed.

The smiles though, they are not always fake. It is possible to be depressed but to also have times of happiness. I mean, I have post natal depression but I still have days that are full of fun, my kids and my family make me laugh for real and I do still use my genuine smile too. Having post natal depression just means for me there is always this unhappiness within me, sometimes it feels like it consumes me but there are other days where I can manage it. There are lots of days where I can tackle the sadness head on, lock it away and go about my day, genuinely enjoying my time with my family and not even giving it a second thought. Those are my favourite kind of day, some time really soon I hope to be able to keep that sadness locked away for good.

post natal depression

Having post natal depression for me doesn’t mean I am suicidal or that I can’t bond with my child. For me, this horrible mental health condition shows itself in the form of intrusive thoughts, anxiety and tears that just can not be explained. It is a constant weight on my shoulders (thankfully now not as heavy as it once was), it is the dull shadow that is cast over my days and is the reason I look at my baby and sometimes feel sad. The sadness is not because he makes me unhappy, he doesn’t, it is because for the 7 months he has been on this planet he hasn’t been able to see the real me. I am not a miserable and anxious person, in my heart I am happy and positive. I love to laugh and to smile and take pleasure in everything life has to offer, unfortunately there are days the person I really am and the person this depression want me to be start to blur together; a mess of heightened emotions and feelings. Mostly I am sad for my youngest child as he hasn’t had the same baby days as his big brother, a time when I was able to be the happy mum I always wanted to be, not this tearful imposter.

I have also learnt that there is no easy cure. Talking helps, it really does help if you can find the courage to get the words out. Anti depressants can work for some, I have turned these down for my own reasons but there is no shame in taking pills to feel better. You’d take paracetamol for a headache, wouldn’t you? Self care is important, time for yourself doing something you enjoy can work wonders. Unfortunately, I have also come to realise that you can start to feel better, almost like your old happy self, only for post natal depression to resurface again, once more unannounced and very much not invited. At this moment in time I am struggling again, I have that uneasy feeling and can’t budge that niggling in my chest. I am hoping this is just a small bump in the road back to happiness and I can work through these feelings again.

DSC_0318 (2)

I guess all I am trying to say is this, our mental health is complex and it is hard to understand what someone else is going through. If I could show who I am now to the person I was a year ago, that past version of myself wouldn’t think they are looking at someone suffering with post natal depression. What we perceive something to be and what it actually is can be two completely different things. If you are a new mum and think you might have pnd but are reluctant to seek help because you don’t feel how the media has made you believe you should feel then please seek some support. Like lots of illnesses, post natal depression is not the same for everyone, you can love your baby and have never even contemplated hurting yourself or your children but that doesn’t mean you might not have this very common mental health condition. Post natal depression affects around 1 in 10 new mums, there is no way all those mums feel it in the same way.

If you think you have post natal depression, click this link for a list of charities and helpful resources and please speak to someone about it. Bottling up these feelings will only make you feel worse. If you want to read more about my struggles with post natal depression then you can find all my posts about it in the mental health section on my blog.

You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..


Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂




19 things you should know before your child turns 3

19 things you should know before your child turns 3

When you are pregnant the amount of advice and stories that get thrown at you and your growing bump from every direction can be a tad overwhelming at times. The same goes for baby’s first year and toddlerhood too, people are not shy about coming forward with what it is like raising a small person and will gladly tell you aaall about it if you ask (sometimes you don’t even have to ask!). The advice, insights and anecdotes start to slow down when your child hits 3, I don’t know if it is because others think you should probably know what you’re doing by now or what but I have definitely noticed I am regularly finding myself staring at Leo in confusion and thinking ‘WTF?’. If you have a little one whose barrelling towards their third birthday and want to know, for research, what it is really like living with a 3 year old then here are 19 things I wish I had known before my Leo teetered over the edge of toddlerdom and became a fully fledged little boy. View Post

Just another lonely mum

Just another lonely mum

A couple of months ago I was noticing a lot of talk online and on TV about loneliness and motherhood. Channel Mum launched their #YANA (You Are Not Alone) campaign, Holly and Phil had a chat about it on This Morning and The Duchess of Cambridge has recently spoke about how isolating motherhood can be. I decided not to share my thoughts on this as, to be honest, I didn’t want to upset myself by digging up all those feelings I try to ignore and plastering them here on the internet for the world to see. However, the point of all of these campaigns was to help bring mums together, to show them that feeling lonely is something that happens to so many of us once children arrive and there are lots of us out there looking for a mummy friend to share this crazy ride with. I am one of those people. So, in the spirit of honesty and to hopefully bring comfort to other mums feeling like me, I am going to share my story of loneliness in motherhood, fingers crossed I can make it through typing this post without bursting in to tears. View Post

Easy Batman biscuits to bake with kids

Easy Batman biscuits to bake with kids

My boy Leo is obsessed with Batman. OB-SESSED! Whenever he plays little imaginary games I can always hear him chatting away about Batman and The Joker. He asks me to make up stories about Batman fighting all the bad guys and he loves playing with his Batman and other superhero Duplo figures. So, it is not hard to imagine how excited Leo was to go and watch The Lego Batman Movie earlier this year – he loved every second of that film and is already asking when we can buy it on disk (DVD to us grown ups). After our cinema trip to watch Lego Batman I decided to treat Leo to some homemade biscuits, another one of his favourite things, and together we baked these ridiculously easy batman biscuits. If you have a little Batman fan in your life too, I can guarantee these biscuits will go down a treat. View Post