How do you know when you’re done having babies? – Having a vasectomy and why we are stopping at three

How do you know when you’re done having babies? – Having a vasectomy and why we are stopping at three

As I draft this post I am sat in the car feeding Tilly while Alex sits and plays in his car seat in the back. We are parked up outside a private clinic where Oli is currently having a vasectomy. Yep, he’s having The Snip, that operation that just at its mention has men everywhere protectively putting both their hands over their crotch. In a matter of twenty minutes or so, Oli and I will officially not be able to have anymore babies.

How do you know when you’re done having babies?
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How do I feel about stopping at three kids? I think I’m 99% totally onboard with this decision. If money was no object then I might have been more inclined to put up more of an argument when the word vasectomy was first brought up in conversation. The truth is though, we are just scraping by as a family of five, our budget is already stretched to the limit and if another child was added to the mix I don’t think we would be able to provide the family lifestyle we have all got used to.

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I love having babies, I generally enjoy being pregnant and I love having a newborn. I love how amazing I feel after giving birth, like I am a super human Wonder Woman or something. It makes me sad that I’ll never feel fluttery baby kicks in my tummy again and I’ll never get to lock eyes with a human I have grown inside me for the very first time again. The smell of a newborn head, the sweet little snuffles they make, that way a newborn automatically holds onto your finger, these are all things that I won’t experience again.

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I’m sad about it but I have accepted it at the same time. I have my three wonderful children, I have all the memories of their baby days and Tilly is still a baby herself so it’s not like I’m out of the baby stage just yet anyway. There is something about a vasectomy that feels very final, it’s Oli and I saying we are done, we are done making babies; our family is complete. When I look at it that way, when I say our family is complete, I don’t feel so sad anymore because I love our family as it is. We’ve got Leo, our loud, funny, sweet yet strong minded first born. There’s Alex who is just so cute, so sweet and cuddly and happy in every way. And then there’s Tilly, the daughter I never thought I’d have. She’s just perfect and I really do feel like she is the final piece in our family puzzle. 

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A vasectomy may seem an extreme measure of contraception but why not do the extreme? Oli is 100% sure , I’m 99% sure and I definitely don’t want to have to take hormonal contraceptives until I get the menopause just because of a 1% of uncertainty. It’s a weight off both of our shoulders knowing we won’t have to worry about another accidental pregnancy, we can just be together without the stress or annoyance of other contraception.

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I guess there will be moments when I wobble, maybe when friends have babies or I stop breastfeeding Til or I catch a whiff of a newborns head, those things might make me want to have another baby. I’m sure it will just be fleeting, maybe more of a longing for when mine were tiny rather than an all consuming need to have another. I think there will always be a tiny bit of broodiness in me but I can live with that.

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I love my three babies, they are all I need and all I want…my ovaries might just need reminding of that from time to time!

** update – It has been 6 days since I wrote this post and Oli is still recovering. The procedure went well but the recovery process has not been fun for Oli. Just like after a woman gives birth, I think it’s going to take a few weeks for things to heal completely. There are lots of contraceptives out there but for us a vasectomy was the best option and we are both still happy we made this decision.**

Are you done having babies too? How do you feel – sad, relieved, content? I would love for you to share your thoughts. 

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6 Comments

  1. March 3, 2020 / 4:19 pm

    My kids are 13, 12 and 8 and my husband decided to have a vesectomy last year. We hadn’t considered having any more as we don’t have enough space! I must admit though it did feel very final and we both felt a little sad afterwards.

  2. March 4, 2020 / 7:29 am

    I can understand what you’re getting at. You’re done but you dont want it to be final, final. I was talking to my sister about this the other day as she has three and she is looking into options for no more babies But she doesn’t want it to be final, she kind of wants to live in a bubble and not make it final. I’m sure you’ll want more from time to time.

  3. March 4, 2020 / 9:11 am

    Ahhh such a hard decision but sounds like the right thing. I had to be done at one for health reasons. I think you always feel sad regardless of your situation x

  4. March 4, 2020 / 10:07 am

    It is so hard to know when you should stop, I always feel broody when I see little babies. But I also know that I am happy as we are.

  5. March 6, 2020 / 12:28 pm

    We only have one child but I think we are stopping at this. I loved being pregnant and we love being parents but we are more than happy at being a team of 3