Mental health after pregnancy – it is time I came clean

mental health
Before I begin I just need to tell you there are no words I have to describe how nervous I am about publishing this post. None.

I’m not sure where to begin so I’m just going to start typing and see what comes out…

I have never really struggled with my mental health before, I’ve been anxious from time to time and had the odd low day but, on the whole, I am a happy chilled out sort of person. After having Leo I took to motherhood like a duck to water, I loved every second, even sleep deprivation and getting pooed on almost daily didn’t get me down. I expected things would be the same when I gave birth to my second baby. I thought that because I’d done it all before, parenting a second child would be just as easy as the first time around. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I have found having 2 children SO hard, so much so that my health visitor and GP have both shown concern for my mental health. Post natal depression and perinatal anxiety have both been mentioned. Do I have them? I’m still not sure. I am sure though that I’m not my normal self anymore. My old self wouldn’t be scared of taking her children to feed the ducks for the crippling fear that the older one may fall in while she’s got her eyes on the baby. My old self wouldn’t have spent ages googling secondary drowning after her baby rolled in the bath and dunked his face  in the water for all of half a second. My old self would have gone out more, lived in the moment more, wouldn’t have felt overwhelmed by the smallest tasks or felt like crying for no reason almost every single day.

This new me, I don’t like her. This new me is trying to ruin everything. My relationship with Leo, my marriage and I am so terrified this horrible mental state I’m in is going to taint these precious baby days with Alex too. I am a tense, anxious bubble just waiting to burst. Some days the pressure is released and things don’t feel so bad. We go out and have a lovely family day together or Leo and I manage to get some quality time together and I’m not getting an onslaught of mum guilt for not being there for him enough. I love these days. These days my old self is beating down my anxious brain; some battles I win and some I don’t. I need to feel grateful that atleast I’m winning some, the anxiety doesn’t always come out on top.

But then there are those times when it does.

There are days where Leo is complaining and Alex is crying and I just can’t cope. I simply can not do it. So I cry. Sometimes I can hold it in so my kids don’t have to see the tears but then there are other times that I don’t. It just constantly feels like I have this nagging voice telling me I’m doing it all wrong, that I’m not sharing my time between  them fairly enough or I’m dealing with Leo’s difficult behaviour the wrong way or I haven’t hugged Alex enough today or smiled and just relaxed with them both as much as I should. The list of things that I feel I’m doing wrong and the list of things I fear may go wrong have become too heavy a burden to carry.

I just want to be able to think about taking them both to feed the ducks without immediately picturing Leo’s little body, face down and motionless in the water.

I just want to be able to drive in the car and not worry that Alex may have stopped breathing in his car seat.

I just want to make it to bedtime without my whole body aching because I have been so tense all day, letting small things get the better of me – letting things that haven’t happened, and probably never will, work me up into a tight ball of worry and stress.

I’ve talked to Oli about it all and a particularly bad morning led me to phone my health visitor in floods of tears. This resulted in a trip to the GP who referred me to the perinatal mental health team. It turns out they don’t need to see me, they think I can manage these feelings with help and advice from my health visitor. This makes me feel a bit helpless. I know I should feel relieved that things are potentially not as bad as they feel. I should be happy that my mental health is not at the point where I need serious intervention. I am relieved but also I am left not knowing how I move on from this. How do I go back to being happy me?

I’m not naïve, I know I will never be worry or care free ever again. I’m a mother, a mother of 2 boys at that, I am always going to have something to worry about. I just don’t want to have to deal with this anxiety forever, this ever present feeling that something is going to go wrong and, when it does, it will be all my fault. These feelings that leave me questioning if I will ever be able to cope with being a mother of 2, these thoughts that can bring me to tears before I’ve even got dressed for the day, I just need them all to stop. I need to be me again. I want so badly to be happy mummy for my boys, I hate being stressed, shouty and sad mummy.

I don’t know if this revelation will come as a shock to you all. Probably. Talk to me in the real world and chances are I will tell you I’m fine. Ask my family how I am and they’re likely to tell you I’m doing great, I’ve got good at ignoring the elephant in the room when I speak to my parents on the phone (I’m sorry if you’re reading this now Mum, sorry I haven’t told you. I just can’t, you have so much to worry about and I don’t want one of those things to be me. Ignorance is bliss after all, I really hope you’re not reading). If you were to scroll through my instagram feed you would likely get the impression that my life is perfect, read the captions and don’t focus on the image and you may get more of a glimpse of the real story. I am just worried what people will think of me, that others will think I am a bad mother or I’m moaning about nothing. I’ve also been worried that people will not want to stop by my blog anymore. Will you all stop reading my posts now they have taken more of a depressing turn?

I hope not.

I pride myself on being an honest blogger and yet for the past couple of months I’ve been lying. I’ve been  pretending that life with my 2 boys has been  wonderful, if you were to read any of Alex’s monthly updates you would not find a single reference to my mental health because I’ve purposefully left any mention  of it out. It’s time to come clean  now though. All I’ve ever wanted from my blog is to help other mums, to give them an honest look at pregnancy and motherhood, to show them all the good things but to never shy away from the bad. I have left myself down. I have not just shied away from the bad since having Alex, I’ve completely just shoved it under the carpet, trying to stamp it into the ground and pretend it doesn’t exist.

Well, unfortunately, bad times do exist. That’s not saying how I’m feeling is normal because it’s not. My health visitor and gp have both confirmed my anxiety levels are higher than they should be. We are all hoping with good self care and regular chats with my health visitor that these feelings can be managed. We all have bad days but, at the minute, my bad days can feel unbearable. I am determined to get myself better, to banish this consuming anxiety back to whatever depths it came from and to be the happy mummy my boys deserve. To be happy again because that’s what I deserve too.

So, to all my loyal readers, I’m sorry I’ve kept this secret from you but I’ve been too scared to open up. To any mums to be who have stopped by my blog in search of honest accounts of what is to come, I’m sorry I’ve lied to you. To my amazing husband and gorgeous boys, I’m sorry I’m not me anymore and I’m sorry when my smile is there it’s not always real. It will be again  one day, I hope sooner rather than  later.

This is me coming clean. Mental health issues after pregnancy come in all shapes and sizes and this is what mine looks like. If you are going through something similar or have in the past I would love to hear your story, you can leave a comment or email me privately if you would prefer. It may be hard but it’s good to talk. It may feel like it sometimes but none of us are ever alone, there’s always someone willing to listen.

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41 Comments

  1. January 23, 2017 / 6:57 am

    Oh Wendy, PLEASE don’t apologise. Reading this was like reading what I would have written (had I been blogging when I had my 2nd child). I was totally unprepared for the anxiety and depression because it was the 2nd time around and I’d loved it all so much with my 1st. But having 2 children is a completely different ball game.

    I kept my feelings a secret from everyone except my hubby and health visitor. I too was told it wasn’t bad enough to be referred but that the HV would visit me regularly. That gave me the confidence to grab hold of myself and consciously stop the horrible thoughts, but it was hard. It took months. The sleep deprivation doesn’t help. Being responsible for 2 small humans doesn’t help. The shame of how I felt didn’t help. But we got there. I’m not sure when – it was a gradual change, but eventually I realised that I wasn’t feeling like that anymore, and that I was me again.

    You can do it. Take all the help you need. Don’t beat yourself up about this. It’s real and it’s horrible. Well done on taking the first steps and talking about it.
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Easy Peasy Party Bunting In 3 Quick StepsMy Profile

  2. January 23, 2017 / 7:47 am

    Oh darling, believe me when I say I know how you feel. I really do. I kept everything a secret for a long time, well to the wider world, my close family knew what was going on but that was it. I pretended like I was dealing with it, and I guess in my own way I was. But I could only do that for so long until I headed for burnout.
    Therapy helped me so much.
    Please, please, PLEASE be kind to yourself. Help is out there. And never, ever apologise for how you’re feeling. #postsfromtheheart
    Rach recently posted…10 Excuses To Swerve Dieting & ExerciseMy Profile

  3. January 23, 2017 / 8:55 am

    Oh hun so sorry to read this. It’s sooo normal. I had a blip from early Dec to just now. I felt AWFUL for about 6 weeks. So anxious ans felt sick, lost weight over Xmas and heart racing. I was more health anxious; worried I was going to get sick seriously and leave the girls. I’ve not blogged about it either really. The post is in my drafts, I saw the GP and I’ve been referred for CBT. I’m much better now but still may go anyway. You don’t sound like you are coping so push for more if regular chats with the health visitor don’t help. You can always message too…don’t feel alone. Having 2 is flipping hard. Lots love xx #marvmondays
    Sarah Howe recently posted…It’s Ok To Like One of Your Kids More….My Profile

  4. January 23, 2017 / 9:06 am

    I’m in awe of how brave you are to post this. I know ‘coming clean’ here must have been so hard, but hopefully it will help you to see you aren’t alone. It’s great you can speak to your health visitor, although I am surprised by the perinatal mental health team not helping. I know they must be stretched, but it still sucks. I’d always assumed if you felt like this you’d get support from them.
    Reading things like this can really help others who are struggling, and might even prompt others to open up to their partners, HV, GP and friends. Well done again lovely, and I hope you feel better soon. #MaternityMondays

  5. January 23, 2017 / 9:17 am

    So honest and such a strong mama to be able to share this.
    It’s difficult falling into the gap of having a mental health problem but not quite enough of one to get official help. It makes you wonder what it’d be like to be in the ‘needs help’ category. I’ve also suffered with postnatal anxiety since the birth of my daughter 18 months ago. It has eased with time but I can’t lie that i don’t still play out worse case scenarios and get myself into a right pickle from time to time. I hope you find some tools and techniques to help you through. #postsfromtheheart

  6. January 23, 2017 / 10:17 am

    What a brave, honest post and the first, strongest step is telling people how you feel. You are not alone. So many others share those feelings. I recognise that anxiety, that constant worrying. I have tried meditation because sometimes you just need to breathe and stop. I hope that it gets better but the best thing you have done you’ve done already – you’ve talked about it. Sending love and best wishes #postsfromtheheart

  7. Fiona Cambouropoulos
    January 23, 2017 / 1:11 pm

    The best thing you could have done is write this post, be honest to youself and share with friends and family. It is such a common issue and a problem shared is a problem halved. I’m sure you are going to find so much comfort, support and advice to take you forward from here. I have read enough posts on the subject to think myself so lucky not to suffer what you are going through, I’ve also seen folk come through it, and so will you. Stay strong, be honest and look forward, your boys are amazing and will make you proud. #MarvMondays
    Fiona Cambouropoulos recently posted…Acropolis of Athens, The Uncultured Guide.My Profile

  8. January 23, 2017 / 2:41 pm

    I had it so bad with my first two daughters- the anxiety and ocd was crippling. Zoloft- 100 mg changed my life completely. Paired with a great female counselor I was back to my new-old self in no time.
    There is no shame in meds.
    #postsfromtheheart

  9. January 23, 2017 / 4:26 pm

    Wow – I wasn’t expecting that and I’m so sorry to read this. It sounds like you’re doing a great job as a mum and it’s so hard when number two comes along, being stretched in different directions all the time. The main and most important thing is that you recognise these feelings and are doing something about them – and it sounds like you’ve got support at home too. I really hope things get better soon xx #marvmondays
    Crummy Mummy recently posted…10 things all mums should do before giving birthMy Profile

  10. January 23, 2017 / 9:37 pm

    Parenting is so hard and 2 is even harder. I was exactly the same after my second and even when he was 15 months old I had irrational fears and wouldn’t take them to shopping centres for fear of terrorism. I did feel
    Better when he was 18 months old but now I’m pregnant again and I’m sure it will happen again. You are so brave to write about it and I hope writing has helped you. I’m sure it will help
    People going through the same. It can feel very isolating but know you are not alone. Maybe write down your feelings whenever you feel
    Like it. Even if you don’t always publish. I wish I lived nearer xx

  11. January 24, 2017 / 8:09 am

    You are very brave for writing and sharing this but it was definitely the right thing to do. It sounds like you’ve been having such a challenging time you poor thing. I have been struck down by that crippling fear that something will happen to my daughter and its debilitating. Only the other day I rang her nursery from the train almost in tears because I was convinced I’d left her freezing to death in the car; I’d only dropped her off 5 minutes before. Given I feel like that with just a single 2 year old child, I can’t imagine what it’s like coping with 2. But you’re talking to people now and hopefully that will help. You’ve been through a lot and taking care of little people is a big responsibility. But you CAN do it! Just be kind to yourself, take little steps. But you really should tell your family or at least your mum. I’m sure they will give lots of support to get through this. You could even ask the HV to speak to them and give them advice on the best things they can do for you.

    You don’t need to pretend everything is perfect. You’re doing an amazing job and you just need a little more support for you during this challenging time.

    xx x #MarvMondays
    Angela Watling recently posted…Reasons I am grateful #1My Profile

  12. January 24, 2017 / 11:52 am

    It is so important that you write this post – and so brave of you too. Having a baby is hard at the best of times (I have to admit that I more than a bit scared!) and I am willing to bet that, on top of this, you feel guilty for feeling this way. You are doing a wonderful job and, now that you have opened up, I hope that you get all the support you need and deserve x #MaternityMondays
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  13. January 24, 2017 / 12:02 pm

    You are not alone and don’t apologise at all. Your doing an amazing job and I did the right thing opening up about how you feel, this was me when my daughter was born and a year later we are still here it does get better, I hope you get the support you need now xxx #postsfromtheheart

  14. Helen @Talking_Mums
    January 24, 2017 / 1:11 pm

    Hi Wendy,
    You are so brave to write this post, so honest. I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I think (i’m a midwife) you should show it to your health visitor and /or GP. When we go to the doctors about mental health its easy to come across as ‘ok’ when deep down you are battling with emotions.

    It sounds to me like you are a fantastic mother who loves her children so much. These intrusive thoughts and feelings you have while are very common make me think you need some help. Probably just someone to talk to would make the world of difference.

    You have taken a massive step writing this post, be brave and get the support you need. These feelings do not mean you are a bad mother it just means you need some support.

    #PostsFromTheHeart
    Helen @Talking_Mums recently posted…Was a planned cesarean the best decision?My Profile

  15. January 24, 2017 / 2:09 pm

    You’re incredibly brave to have written this post and I hope it does you even the slightest bit of good to have gotten it off your chest. I kind of hope your mum does read it, because regardless of what she’s got going on I’m certain that she would want to be able to help you. That’s what you’d do for your boys, because that’s what mums are for. xxx
    #MaternityMondays

  16. January 24, 2017 / 9:02 pm

    You are amazing and do not think any different. Opening up like this is wonderful, hopefully this post has helped you somewhat even if it only lifts a burden of the secrecy from the blogging community.
    This is your life, no matter what we plaster onto our pages, if you need to hold stuff back, or even spill your inner most feelings, we are all here with you.
    Us parents go through such tough times, like you say; you thought second time round would be the same but unfortunately hormones are little bastards and play havoc when you least expect it.
    I suffered terrible Ante and Post Natal Depression to the point I dont want anymore children. But I also know that sometimes having a second child doesnt mean I will feel depressed. I may feel absolutely brilliant about it all, but right now Im not sure if thats an avenue im brave to attempt.
    If you need to talk I’m always here to listen. Chin up lovely. You’re a fantastic mum! #PostsFromTheHeart

  17. Linda Ewing
    January 24, 2017 / 11:06 pm

    This is such an honest post, It really is important that people talk about these things, I hope one day it won’t be such a taboo subject!
    I know it may not seem it now and that light at the end of the tunnel seems so out of reach but things will get better! I started suffering with anxiety after having my youngest it got to a point that I wouldn’t leave my house and if I did it took quite some convincing to get me out and if you did it wouldn’t be for long because I just couldn’t handle it, CBT therapy helped me a lot it didn’t seem it at the time but I’m now able to everything the old me would do, I’m terrified of it rearing its ugly head again after baby #3 is born but also feel it’s something I can take on and beat again, I know you don’t know me but I’m only ever a message away if you need to off load or just a chat 🙂 #MaternityMondays

  18. January 25, 2017 / 8:01 am

    Coming back from #bestandworst – thinking of you. If you ever want to chat then send me a message. I know how you’re feeling. xxxxxxxx
    Rach recently posted…10 Excuses To Swerve Dieting & ExerciseMy Profile

  19. January 25, 2017 / 10:59 am

    Maybe I don’t know exactly how you feeling but some of your problems are mine as well ;( I was a little bit scared to say about it to my HV or GP they only mentioned about baby blues and I didn’t want to say that I can be something more. I think now is much better but still after that 9 months I have days when I’m crying or very nervous and anxiety is still present in my life
    #PostsFromTheHeart

  20. January 25, 2017 / 11:37 pm

    You certainly don’t need to apologise. This is something which a lot of people would find difficult to be completely honest about. Although it’s now more talked about it still isn’t something which everyone understands.
    It’s extremely brave of you to write this post. Parenting is hard and everyone has bad days. There’s nothing wrong in admitting if your finding it tough. The best thing to do is to ask for help. I really hope you get the support you need.
    Just remember your doing your best and that’s what matters! #marvmondays
    Becky Clark recently posted…Guest Post – The Pregnancy Diaries week31My Profile

  21. January 26, 2017 / 7:09 am

    This is an extremely brave, honest and inspiring post. I know all too well about plastering on that fake smile and giving the impression that everything is perfect (not through PND but with recurrent miscarriages), but all those bottled up emotions need to come out eventually, much better that it happens under your own steam. I believe writing things down can be one of the most powerful forms of therapy as it provides a kind of release, a small lightening of the load. By sharing that writing on here you are also helping to lighten the load of others going through the same thing, letting them know they’re not alone and perhaps giving them the courage to seek help too. Sending virtual hugs x
    #Bestandworst
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  22. January 27, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    Well done on such a brave and honest post. I really hope that writing it all down has been a bit of a weight off your shoulders and that there are lots of people out there who can tell you that you are doing a great job and that it is hard but that it will get better. I have to admit that I am terrified of feeling the way that you feel when I have a second baby, but I know that if I do there are so many people around me to support me and I hope that I can be as brave as you and ask for the help if I needed it. I hope you continue to write about how you feel if it helps you process it all. Keep your spirits up and just know that you are an amazing mother. I really hope you are getting the help you need xx #bestandworst

  23. January 28, 2017 / 8:26 am

    Don’t be ashamed, nor sorry for opening up and sharing how you feel. Writing about it can be a good form of therapy, talking about it too. I too have suffered from anxiety and depression and I’m currently in therapy for my anxiety. I write honestly about my own feelings, too. If people stop reading because you’re being open and honest about parenting and your life, then I personally wouldn’t be bothered about it. The ones who appreciate what you write will stick with you and continue to read and support you. I wish you all the best and hope you’ll get the help you need. #fortheloveofBLOG

  24. Fancy
    January 28, 2017 / 3:58 pm

    I can relate so much. I have two little beauties also but feel like I am.swimming in mud most of the time x today has been pretty awful and your brave post helps as I know I am not alone. I don’t want anyone to feel like this however and I hope you find your way through soon xx

  25. January 28, 2017 / 5:39 pm

    You are extremely brave for writing this. I have been suffering with depression and anxiety since my dad passed away last year and know how crippling it can be and how to hide it from others. Talking to your health visitor will be hard at first, but once you open up you will find it a relief.
    #fortheloveofBLOG
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  26. January 29, 2017 / 6:00 pm

    Oh Wendy, where do i start. You are not alone.Writing this is extremely brave and you do need help. I noticed on your IG feed that Alex has been in hospital with bronchiolitis.Charley-Rose fell ill with it at 3 weeks old and stopped breathing.She was in high dependency for a week and when we came out i struggled to adjust to being at home with 2 kids and the fear that Charley would stop beathing again. Like you i asked for help and got nowhere. My husband was amazing and my close friends helped throigh the darkest days but i still find some situations very overwhelming.You need to take this one day at a time and go back to your GP. I am no expert and everyone is diffrent but this is a good starting point http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cognitive-behavioural-therapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx #Postsfromtheheart
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  27. January 29, 2017 / 9:15 pm

    I wish I had something clever to say. I wish I had something helpful to say. I don’t feel like I do. I can only say that this is beautifully beautifully written, and I appreciate it must have been so hard for you to write it, but at the same time, I really hope it’s helped. You are not alone on this, and I hope you get the support that you need, want and were SO SO brave to go and ask for. I have 3 boys, and having a newborn another (other) slightly older children IS hard. I think some of the anxieties you mentioned are normal, but at the same time, you know yourself, and if you know that this isn’t you, well this isn’t you. Please just remember that you’re not a bad mum. You’re not a bad blogger. You’re not a bad wife. You’re not a bad daughter or friend. You’re not bad at anything. You’re a very brave woman, and all your boys should be proud of you. I hope it gets better very soon for you xx #PostsFromTheHeart

  28. January 29, 2017 / 9:49 pm

    There is no need to apologise AT ALL! It’s amazing that you have spoken out about this, and something that I encourage other women to do. I have lived with PND for thirteen years now and been to some terribly dark places with my mental health. I have spent time in hospital, attempted suicide, things that I am not at all proud of but nor am I ashamed of. Mental health is something that far too many suffer with in silence, thank you for sharing this post. #fortheloveofblog
    five little doves recently posted…A letter to myself on my 17th birthdayMy Profile

  29. January 30, 2017 / 12:04 am

    No need to say sorry for being honest about your feelings lovely! It takes courage to open up and it is so good that you have done. I feel comforted actually, I am due to give birth to my second early March and am already anxious and sad about how I am going to cope with things so this makes me feel much less alone. Two babies means being outnumbered! To breeze through such a challenge is impossible so don’t be hard on yourself. I won’t be being so hard on myself when the time comes. I am stocking up on galaxy and tissues in advance. Motherhood is tough and it is good to acknowledge the fact so well done! xxx #fortheloveofBLOG

  30. January 30, 2017 / 11:24 am

    Oh my goodness, what a brave, honest post. I think you might be surprised at just how many of us mums go through this. I have. I am. The anxiety has never gone away, but it DOES become more manageable. I don’t agree that you don’t need any more help that regular contact with your HV. I think you would benefit greatly from talking to someone specially trained in supporting mums like us, so I hope you can find something local to you. Hang in there – your boys will get their happy, smiley mummy back! #PostsFromTheHeart

  31. Alison (MadHouseMum)
    January 31, 2017 / 8:32 am

    You are a wonderful person! Your honesty and bravery will not only have helped you a little, it will be helping others. I am so glad you stopped hiding it, because now you can get help. Make sure you get what you need. You are number 1. I hope your mum reads this, because she will want to support you, however busy her own life is. You will get through it with support and reaching out. Some days you will feel that you are so alone and things are so hard and on these days you must shout out, to friends, family, your blog. Do whatever you can find the strength and energy to do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don’t hide. Sending arms outstretched to you. Alison x #DreamTeam

  32. January 31, 2017 / 10:49 am

    Well done for posting this. When you wrote about being scared to go to feed the ducks in case they fall in the water – that’s me. We used to go for a walk to a local lake and it was all I thought all the way around, if we got there that is. I struggled with anxiety long before I had my son, but it’s certainly worse since I had him.

    Talking about it is key though, I hope your friends and family can help. And there’s no shame in crying if you’re having a bad day. #dreamteam
    Becki Parsons recently posted…Woodland Hedgehugs Activity Book | ReviewMy Profile

  33. January 31, 2017 / 1:42 pm

    Wendy sweetheart please do not feel that you need to be sorry ever. I suffered with awful post natal anxiety a few months after I had my first. I can absolutely relate to all of these things that you have described. I made my husband buy us a fire ladder as I was obsessed that the house was going to burn down, and I would watch every car that drove passed us out walking as I was sure that someone was going to pull up and try to steal my baby. For a lot of months I convinced myself that I was fine, because I wasn’t depressed, but I have since read up a lot more on post natal anxiety which can be just as devastating. I was referred for therapy which really did help. They helped me to identify harmful images that I was keeping in my mind (like you describe about your feeding the ducks image) and helped me to visualise those same images in a different and more positive way, and to recognise how my thoughts were causing me to change my behaviours etc. What I can assure you is that there is support out there and you must take as much as you need. It is no reflection on you as a mum, it’s just a physical hormonal imbalance that is affecting the way you think. It won’t last forever, and you will come through it stronger than ever. For now though, be kind to yourself. If I can help at all please get in touch. I’m thinking of you. Lots of love. xxx

    Thank you for sharing this with #DreamTeam too lovely. I’m sure your brave and honest words will be a huge support to so many other mums suffering in silence. xx

  34. January 31, 2017 / 8:24 pm

    You will get through it. I had a funny turn after we moved and everything seemed to change and I couldn’t seem to adjust and everything got on top of me, I had weekly visits from the health visitor which massively helped me and then was referred for CBT but after one session I found it wasn’t for me. I kind of found my happy again but it was hard and I still sometimes have the odd downer. Anxiety is tough and having 2 kids is a real challenge. You will get through it stronger out the other end. #bestandworst
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  35. February 1, 2017 / 12:33 pm

    Oh lovely, it’s really brave to be able to say how you feel but you shouldn’t be afraid of saying it, making a person and giving birth to them puts so much strain on body and mind…as well as parenting them! I only have a Leo to deal with let alone a new baby and I sometimes feel the same! I panicked driving to school the other day as what if we crashed and the fire services could not get Leo out of the car because I had child lock on…irrational out of nowhere fear and scary thoughts. Sometimes our brain is hard on us. You are an amazing mummy and I send lots love and cuddles. If you find it’s still hard or gets worse keep talking to the health visitor they are there to help you #fortheloveofBLOG xx

  36. February 1, 2017 / 7:54 pm

    Well done, I commend your bravery for writing this post. I have a post about my anxiety scheduled for next Friday and all day I’ve been toying with the idea of deleting it. Reading your post has given me the courage to continue with it. Telling people out in the open like this is a massive step #DreamTeam
    Laura @ Autumn’s Mummy recently posted…10 reasons I’m #RockingMotherhoodMy Profile

  37. February 1, 2017 / 8:36 pm

    I am sure that through your post you will no doubt connect with others that have or are going through this. May you find peace and love yourself again. #PostsFromTheHeart

  38. February 7, 2017 / 6:41 am

    I couldn’t just read and run. I saw this post thanks to Rhyming with Wine sharing it.
    Honey, you’re beyond Brave to write what you have. Motherhood is hard but when you have mental health issues thrown into the mix it can nigh on impossible to stay in control. You’re going to have helped so many people by speaking out and you should be really proud of yourself for doing so.
    I hope things get better for you. Sending love ❤️ xxx

  39. Sasha
    February 7, 2017 / 6:25 pm

    I hope you feel better for getting it out. And I know it might be troubling to read it back and know it’s reality, but hopefully it’ll help you process it too.

    I’ve used perinatal mental health services and they are nothing short of incredible. So if self care and talk time isn’t cutting the mustard in time, see whether you can be referred back – depending on your area they really are amazing.

    X

  40. December 1, 2017 / 8:27 pm

    I hope things are looking at bit better now, I see this is an old post. I’ve just started cbt after my second child and can so relate to this.

    Laura. X

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