Relocating is hard

It has been just over a month since my little family and I relocated to Hampshire. I knew when Oli got his new job that things were going to change, that moving so far away from everything we had known for the last 6 years was going to be hard. It has been hard, not as much as I thought but it still feels strange calling this place my home.

Every person I speak to always asks the same thing, ‘are you settled in yet?’. Be they friends, family or the new people I meet, this question is never far from the tip of the tongue. To be honest, I never know how to answer this question. If by settled in you mean have I unpacked, then yes I guess I must be. Or, if by settled in you mean have I found the nearest supermarket and registered with the doctor then, again, yes I have. But, if you mean by settled in that I have made friends, feel comfortable here and the house feels like home then ,unfortunately, I have to say no. No, I haven’t settled in yet. Instead of this move being the new exciting chapter to our lives I thought it would be, it is instead more of a dull prologue, hopefully leading to more exciting things in the weeks to come.

This one has definitely made himself at home.

I am just struggling a bit. Oli is at work a lot and I have become full time mum again for the first time in nearly a year. When we were in Swansea I was only working evenings but it still gave me time out of the house and a chance to earn some money for myself. That time away from doing the mum thing and spending time with people my own age talking about everything but toddler tantrums and sleep deprivation was really beneficial for me. Now I don’t have that. I am a full on stay at home mum in a town where I don’t know anyone. A town where every face is an unfamiliar one and no one wants to talk to the new Welsh girl at the toddler groups. A town 4 hours away from my parents and my in-laws in Mid Wales and all my friends. Oli and I are getting no time out of the house together as we don’t know anyone who can babysit. I know in time we will get to know and trust people and Leo can be left with a babysitter, I know that all these things just take time.

Leo is getting very good at talking on the phone now I’m phoning my parents all the time!

So, in another months time when people ask if I have settled in, hopefully I will be able to say yes. Hopefully I would have found some courage and started talking to more people at toddler groups, maybe I will have even got myself a little job by then. I didn’t know what things would be like when we first relocated here, just like I don’t know what things will be like in a few weeks time. Change is scary and change is hard but, most of the time, change is a good thing.

Have you recently moved somewhere new? Are you finding it difficult to settle in? Anyone got any tips for me? Let me know πŸ™‚

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20 Comments

  1. November 3, 2015 / 3:10 pm

    Oh hun I remember feeling like this when I first became a mum. I was a quiet, shy type and didn't make friends easily. I lived 90 miles away from my family and 50 miles from the Hubby's family. We rarely got time alone and the Hubby worked crazy hours. It was so tough.

    In the end I had to force myself to talk to people, if I hadn't I would've gone crazy.

    My advice would be to get out there and talk to people. The only way to make it feel like home is to start making friends. Go for it. What've you got to lose? πŸ™‚
    #TwinklyTuesday

  2. November 8, 2015 / 8:38 am

    It's very hard but I quess you have to do what's best for you great post

  3. November 8, 2015 / 12:28 pm

    It will get better. Everything new is scary at first. Whether that's for you, Oli or your little boy, but you will overcome this and feel stronger. Keep blogging, keep posting and vent to us. We are always here for a good chatter, I too am a stay at home mum and I know it can be hard at times, Leo is older than my little B. Just remember it's not going to be this way forever! #KCAKOLS

  4. November 10, 2015 / 10:29 am

    I think you are doing brilliantly – don't be too hard on yourself. It will take time to settle in and make new friends. It's still early days so I am sure with time your house will feel soon feel like a home.

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday!

  5. November 10, 2015 / 11:07 am

    This would be a massive change at any phase of life, but with a toddler it is even more enormous. Be kind to yourself. You just need to find one nice mum at the toddler group… maybe bring cake! Good luck with everything #abitofeverything

  6. November 10, 2015 / 4:07 pm

    I remember feeling that way when I had my daughter 9 years ago. It's very hard to be the new person especially where groups are already established. It will happen though. I feel for you but sounds like you are doing all the right things. I saw an interesting link on a local FB group yesterday, a site set up for mums to meet other like minded mums. I believe it's countrywide so happy to share details if it may be of interest. Nicky x #abitofeverything

  7. November 10, 2015 / 7:59 pm

    Totally feel this – we relocated from SINGAPORE (!!!) just over a year ago and think it has taken me about a year to feel settled. It is so hard. It will come eventually. x #abitofeverything

  8. November 10, 2015 / 8:29 pm

    Hang on in there, it will get better! All it takes is meeting one person that you click with to make all the difference.
    I can't believe no-one wants to talk to the new Welsh girl at toddler group; you'd be the first person I'd seek out!
    #KCACOLS

  9. November 11, 2015 / 10:54 am

    Oh gosh i know what you mean relocating isn't always as exciting or as easy as we hope it will be. Hopefully in time you will feel more settled in the sense that you have made friends, and that this place will also start to feel more like home. I know this can be a very lonely and hard time and at times you'll feel so isolated. I have felt like this many of times and in fact sometimes I still do. I really do hope you start to feel more at home soon and tat you make some wonderful friends too!xx #KCACOLS

  10. November 11, 2015 / 12:50 pm

    It will get better. We made a big move years ago and I found myself in the same situation. Not working, stay at home, no friends, no family and two young children. I won't lie, it wasn't easy making friends and I was very lonely. Just stay in touch with friends and family and you'll slowly find your feet. Hope to see you again at #abitofeverything

  11. November 11, 2015 / 2:28 pm

    I am exactly the same, always been shy. I am trying to overcome this though otherwise I am going to end up friendless forever. You're right, what have I got to lose? Thanks for the advice xx

  12. November 11, 2015 / 2:29 pm

    Thanks. I just need to get out there and meet people, just takes some balls that's all!x

  13. November 11, 2015 / 2:30 pm

    Aww thank you for your lovely comment. It is good to know that no matter how lonely I feel, the blogging community is always full of lovely people full of support and kind words.xx

  14. November 11, 2015 / 2:39 pm

    Thanks hun, I am trying my best to be happy here, it is just going to take time I think. It probably doesn't help that I absolutely loved living in Swansea and am missing everyone there so much. I will definitely be linking up again this week πŸ™‚ xx

  15. November 11, 2015 / 2:40 pm

    Ohh I hadn't thought about bringing cake, what a good idea. Who wouldn't want to talk to the lady with all the cake?!haha xx

  16. November 11, 2015 / 2:43 pm

    Ohh yes, I would love the details of that site if you have it. Sounds a bit like online dating for mums haha. It is very hard, when I go to groups everyone is already friends with each other and they kind of just keep to themselves. Hopefully in time I will meet some people, it is reassuring to hear that lots of people have felt this way at some point in their lives as well, that makes me feel like it will definitely get better πŸ™‚ xx

  17. November 11, 2015 / 2:44 pm

    Wow, now that is a big move! It is so hard isn't it? I will let you know if I am still feeling this way in a year (I hope not!!) xx

  18. November 11, 2015 / 2:45 pm

    Aww thanks you lovely. Yes I would happy just finding one person, I don't need loads of friends but one would definitely be nice.xx

  19. November 11, 2015 / 2:48 pm

    No it's not is it? I thought we would move here and everything would be amazing straight away. Hopefully things will get better soon and I will find some lovely people, just need to put myself out there more. I am learning that lots of mums feel isolated at times, glad I am not the only one. The house is feeling more homely now, I have put pictures up everywhere to make it more homey xx

  20. November 11, 2015 / 2:51 pm

    Aww I am sorry you have been through this too, it is not nice being lonely is it? Atleast I have my little boy and husband, I would probably lose the plot if I was completely alone all day everyday. I am keeping in touch with everyone from back home and hopefully they can all visit soon, I am sure that will cheer me up!xx

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