When someone else shares your pregnancy secret.

Sharing secrets Naptime Natter

At one point or another, we have all had a secret we have kept from everyone else. A little bit of information we have held on to tightly and guarded as if it were gold. If and when we decide to disclose this precious truth, great thought is given to who can be trusted with it.

For a couple, one of the biggest secrets you will ever have to keep is the one you have as soon as you see those two little lines appear on a pregnancy test. You will be desperate to tell everyone and shout it from the rooftops but, in most cases, you keep your lips sealed for 12 long weeks. Imagine spending all that time waiting to share your exciting news, only for someone else to get in there first. Someone you had trusted with the secret early on, confident they would guard it as closely as you had.
Well, that happened to Oli and I.

Firstly, I must admit with this second pregnancy Oli and I have not been that good at keeping the news of our little bun in the oven under lock and key, immediate family and very close friends have all known from around week 7. I am not sure why we told so many people this time around as with Leo we only told parents and siblings up until our first scan.

Anyway, we haven’t been going around telling strangers that we’re having a baby and we did not post anything on social media until everything was found to be fine at the dating scan. The friends we chose to tell are people we have known a long time and those we knew would respect our request to not share the news with anyone else. Clearly, not all of them could be trusted.

My mother in law had been desperate to tell all her work colleagues about her sixth grandchild that was quietly developing and growing in my uterus but we had sworn her to secrecy, she was not to tell anyone until after the scan. She wasn’t happy about it but she understood the news was not hers to share so she agreed to wait. In hindsight, I should have let her tell her work friends as someone else who works there let our secret slip into the rumour mill and everyone knew about her new grandchild before she had a chance to tell anyone.

Let me explain, one of the people we carefully decided to tell while we were still in the ‘risky’ stage of the pregnancy was one of Oli’s oldest friends. The girlfriend of this friend is also an old school mate of Oli’s, they’ve been through a lot together. This same girlfriend also works with my mother in law. For reasons unknown to me, this friend decided to go to work one day, when my mother in law was off, and start telling people I was pregnant. People I don’t know, people I have never even met. I had no problem our news being shared around these very same people by my mother in law, the very excited grandmother of the baby in my belly, but for the secret to be revealed by someone just wanting to gossip really upset me. Of course, my mother in law was also devastated when a colleague came and congratulated her when she hadn’t so much as uttered a word about my pregnancy to anyone.

The town Oli and I grew up in is a very small town. One of those places where everyone knows everyone and nothing stays a secret for very long. The idea of people I hardly knew knowing about the fragile tiny life I was growing before some of my actual friends knew made me really angry. I felt like my poor mother in law had been cheated out of her big reveal and Oli felt mad that friends he had had for 25 years didn’t care enough to keep quiet like he had asked. I felt like my body and baby were under pressure, under pressure for everything to be ok, to make it to the scan and for everything to be fine. I am sure sharing news of a miscarriage with close friends and family is hard enough, let alone potentially having the whole of your small home town knowing about it as well. Imagine walking down the street on a visit home to have people who barely know you to ask how the pregnancy is going, only to have to tell this person who shouldn’t even know you were pregnant in the first place that there is no baby, not any more.
Luckily, we did make it to the magical 12 weeks and everything is looking as it should at this still early stage. However, we have learnt a lesson for future secrets, some people just like to talk and no matter how long you have been friends with someone, they are never going to see your secrets as precious as one of their own. Oli spoke to his friend, he was apologetic, truly gutted he had upset his oldest mate and disappointed his girlfriend had gone against our wishes. They are still friends, it takes more than gossip at my expense to break a friendship of over two decades. However, we will definitely think twice before sharing a secret with them again.
Have you ever had anyone reveal your pregnancy news before you were ready? How did it make you feel? Telling people you are having a baby is a big deal and a secret that should only be shared when you, the parents, want it to be..do you agree? As always, I would love to know your thoughts.

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26 Comments

  1. April 18, 2016 / 6:28 am

    Omg! I'd be so upset if people started spreading my pregnancy secret. Really feel for the mother in law too, I best she was so excited to tell everyone about another grandchild and it got ruined 🙁 #fartglitter
    http://www.mummyitsok.com

  2. April 18, 2016 / 6:48 am

    I don't blame you for feeling upset, I would feel very annoyed if someone told everyone about a secret as big as that.

    Sally @ Life Loving
    #AnythingGoes

  3. April 18, 2016 / 8:26 am

    Oh my god you must have been furious! I'm furious for you! It's such a personal thing, and only your special news to share. I am glad you shared this – hopefully it will make people realise to never make that mistake xx #bigpinklink

  4. April 18, 2016 / 8:52 am

    It is so annoying when this happens – worse still, someone announced my daughters birth on facebook before I had even told half of my family! Oh I was fuming #BigPinkLink

  5. April 18, 2016 / 9:51 am

    Oh that's bad, I would have been livid. I really feel for you and your MIL who'd tried so hard to be good and lost the chance to tell everyone herself.

  6. April 18, 2016 / 11:24 am

    oh that was really wrong and absolutely no excuse on her part – I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that and hope you've managed to move on from it and not let it mar what should be such a joyous stage #BigPinkLink hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well for you x

  7. April 18, 2016 / 12:02 pm

    Oooooo that's bad. That's really bad, I'd have been fuming. I also feel for your MIL as she's lost the chance to share the exciting news to who she wanted to. Some people really don't engage brain before mouth do they? #bigpinklink

  8. April 18, 2016 / 1:05 pm

    Oh no! That is just awful, why would someone want to tell your wonderful news. I remember when I was pregnant and someone did this to me, I was so angry – how could they. #AnythingGoes

  9. April 18, 2016 / 4:11 pm

    Oh no no no no no, this is a BIG no no! How could she? I would have been LIVID! You've taken this very well! #fartglitter

  10. April 18, 2016 / 4:35 pm

    That sounds horrible. People don't realise the horrible impact loose lips can have on delicate family dynamics where grudges can get nursed for generations!

    We had to read some relatives the riot act when they congratulated us via Facebook before we had a chance to tell family. It wasn't in our control but that has never been forgotten. There's a strict order now!

    #AnythingGoes
    #BigPinkLink
    #KCACOLS
    #mg

  11. April 18, 2016 / 5:10 pm

    It's a shame you couldn't trust your friends in the end. I wrote a post about how many people knew about our baby before the twelve weeks were up. When my sister was pregnant a second time, my nephew told everyone and then, when she had a miscarriage, she had a town full of people congratulating her on a baby she had lost. It was awful. #bigpinklink

  12. April 18, 2016 / 6:28 pm

    This is so rubbish for you 🙁 It happened to me at work. A few guessed and I was about 8 weeks. My boss who works over in another area heard because my colleague and I were both pregnant and it was gossiped about. It wasn't nice as like you I wanted to get to the 12 weeks. I hope you said something to the friend, even if just quietly xx #fartglitter

  13. April 18, 2016 / 6:42 pm

    Oh hun I would have been devastated! Your poor Mum in law respected your wishes and then had her proud reveal taken from her at her work! You're right to feel cheated and disappointed as this was your secret and it's your baby – your precious little one. It should have been up to you to share your wonderful news. Hats off to you and Oli for keeping the friendship together, I'm sure that they won't have really thought about the implications of spreading your word, but it's absolutely no excuse. Congratulations again and thank you for linking up your post with #FartGlitter xx

  14. April 18, 2016 / 7:29 pm

    Ah I can imagine how horrible that must have been, not just because they shared your news but broke your trust. And that is the biggest sadness as they misplaced their loyalty. Thankfully all is well and you can now share your joy with the world. Hopefully the fact that it has been highlighted that this friend isn't trustworthy will result in never trusting them with a secret again! #anythinggoes

  15. April 18, 2016 / 7:55 pm

    Oh no, I'm gutted for you, because this must've so hurtful, to have such an old friend do this to you… I'm also gutted for your mother in law for not being able to do the big reveal she was so excited about. I know my mum would've been devastated if this had happened to her. I didn't have this happen to me, where someone else revealed it before I did, but with both pregnancies I told people before I really wanted to. With my first, I got pregnant just before I got married. I was really close to all my work colleagues, and I took extended annual leave before my wedding, and to take a long honeymoon. I knew that when I got back I'd be showing, and I didn't want to walk into work with a bump when I got back, and have everyone in a huge state of shock!! There was also loads of stuff I couldn't do with my job, because it was too risky to do while pregnant, and I'm sure they would've guessed anyway, with me obviously not doing the jobs not permitted for pregnant staff! The second time, sods law would have it that we had about 4 weddings in the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy! By the second, it was obvious to family that I wasn't drinking, so at the third I just told everybody, and most had guessed anyway! So I didn't make the 12 week reveal either time!
    Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink!

  16. April 18, 2016 / 8:50 pm

    How sad and difficult for you. I would have been devastated I think. We ended up telling a fair few people before the 12 week scan because everybody guessed when I wasn't drinking! Mainly family and close friends though so I knew that if the worst did happen they are all people I would turn to for support.
    Congratulations by the way! #fartglitter

  17. April 19, 2016 / 6:20 am

    Oh no! I'd have been very annoyed!! I kept my pregnancy quiet until around 1y weeks and swore the people we did tell to secrecy and not to put anything on social media. It's funny how people change with a pregnancy and it's suddenly ok to touch people's tummies too! #twinklytuesday

  18. April 19, 2016 / 6:20 am

    Oh no! I'd have been very annoyed!! I kept my pregnancy quiet until around 1y weeks and swore the people we did tell to secrecy and not to put anything on social media. It's funny how people change with a pregnancy and it's suddenly ok to touch people's tummies too! #twinklytuesday

  19. April 19, 2016 / 1:00 pm

    Not cool. At 7 weeks pregnant, hormones raging, I would have been having a quiet word with Little Miss Loose Lips! 🙂 #passthesauce

  20. April 19, 2016 / 1:57 pm

    Oh no that is out of order. That happened to me at work too. A colleague told my GCSE class I was pregnant before I had even told her myself! Err rude! #passthesauce

  21. April 19, 2016 / 1:58 pm

    Oh no that is out of order. That happened to me at work too. A colleague told my GCSE class I was pregnant before I had even told her myself! Err rude! #passthesauce

  22. April 19, 2016 / 5:53 pm

    Oh what a bummer! That didn't happen to us as far as I know. Some people may have known without telling me if you know what I'm saying. It's fun to tell the info yourself & have the excited reaction! #bigpinklink x

  23. April 21, 2016 / 7:34 am

    I'm so sorry that someone you trusted shared your news in this way before you were ready to tell people yourselves. Things like this make me so cross – it's such a big announcement and it wasn't their news to tell. When I was pregnant with my second child, one of the church members announced it before the start of the Sunday service. I was late to church that day and got a shock when someone congratulated me as I walked in. I was livid – I had planned to announce it at the church meeting the following week myself as I'd only told a few people at that stage. #FamilyFun

  24. April 21, 2016 / 8:51 am

    Oh no, I would have been livid as well. I so understand where you are coming from and how you must have felt. But good that everything is going smoothly and the friendship is back on track. I think some people just feel a need to talk and share, that's their hobby. Thanks for sharing with #PasstheSauce

  25. April 22, 2016 / 10:31 pm

    I would be really annoyed about this. I haven't had it happen, & was 12 weeks on my second pregnancy before even we knew so no chance of this happening there! I have had someone sharing news & pictures of my newborn on fb, though, & I was livid. We don't put pictures or information about our children on fb at all. We didn't announce pregnancies or births on fb. We told all family & friends that we did not want pictures or announcements going on fb. But someone in very immediate family announced and put up pictures on the birth of our eldest. It did get taken down, though fairly grudgingly, after we got angry, but it still makes me quite annoyed to think about it. Quite apart from not respecting the wishes of people who said their children were not going to be up there at all, I can't imagine who the hell would think it is ever their right to do it first. If the babies were going to be announced on fb, it seems obvious to me that the parents should get to do it. Why would someone else think they should get to do it? (She actually announced the second baby's birth on fb too, but she didn't give names, details & pictures that time, & I let it go, though it still irritated me a little.) #anythinggoes

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