Why we all need to be more Elsa – mama on a mission to become a more positive parent

Why we all need to be more Elsa – mama on a mission to become a more positive parent

I’m so fed up at the minute. There, I said it. Lately, this whole mum thing has been really challenging for me and it just feels like I have been diffusing one child related drama after another, leaving no time for me to relax and actually enjoy time with my kids. Parenting kids of all ages is hard I am sure but looking after a very feisty four year old and an extremely clingy baby is exhausting. I have got serious mama fatigue and when you’re tired everything just feels a million times worse, doesn’t it?

The kids wake up early and by 8pm every night I’m asleep on the sofa and then when my husband drags me up to bed I lay awake unable to sleep, thoughts shouting and swirling around in my brain. I have noticed recently that I am having trouble letting things go, forgetting about some judgement I have felt in the day or forgetting to just accept we are in the thick of yet another difficult phase with the kids and that this too shall pass. If I want to work my way out of this tough patch we are going through and be a more positive parent then I need to start channelling my inner Elsa: I need to learn to let things go.

Do you find yourself regurgitating things that have gone wrong in your day and just beat yourself up about it? Do you torture yourself with the judgement you have felt from others instead of just letting their ignorance and hurtful remarks fly past you without a second thought? Do you wish you were a happier mum for your kids and a happier person in general? If you answered yes to even just one of the above then, like me, it’s time for you to be more Elsa; let’s learn to let things go and become more positive and happy parents together – we got this!

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Why I’m learning to be more Elsa – my mission to become a more positive parent

After living with crippling mum guilt (what a dick, right?) for over four years now and having it magnified significantly since Alex arrived last year, I have decided that enough is enough. I am sick and tired of feeling guilty over every little thing I do. It is hard to admit this but most of my time with my kids is tarnished by that stupid voice in my head making me feel guilty and question everything I do, ‘he shouldn’t watch tv this much you know’ , ‘Letting the baby chuck his tea everywhere again, shame on you he needs to eat a healthy balanced diet’, ‘ Snuck upstairs for 5minutes to answer an important email instead of playing with the kids? Well what an awful mum you are!’. I am so tired of it, this horrible inner voice that seems to love nothing more than making me feel like a terrible mother. I hate mum guilt, it drags my mood down and makes me so upset sometimes. If I want to be a happier and more positive parent I need to start by being kinder to myself, reminding myself of all the great things I do for my boys every day instead of focusing on the things I don’t and dwelling on them. So, the first step on our mission to becoming more positive parents is to say bye bye to the mum, guilt, it serves us no good whatsoever and belongs in the bin. Let it go!

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If I want to be more positive then I also need to start accepting that sometimes being a mum is hard work and our children can not be little darlings all the time. Our kids are not mini robots, they are tiny human beings who are not programmed to just do everything we tell them. Leo is going through a particularly defiant stage at the moment and some days with him are just horrible. He won’t do a single thing I ask, he’s rude to me, he’s purposefully naughty and he seems to enjoy my frustration with him. This stream of bad behaviour has really been getting to me, I don’t recognise him half the time and I spend a lot of time feeling like he actively dislikes me.

These negative thoughts are not helpful for anyone involved and instead of being all woe is me and wasting time feeling miserable about our situation, I need to put that time to better use and come up with a plan. I need to carve some time out of my day to spend more one on one time with Leo, to try and talk through these behaviours with him and see if I can find out what he’s thinking. Instead of wanting to just sit and cry into my cuppa every evening, maybe I need to buy myself a book on the mind of a four year old, a gentle parenting book or just binge watch super nanny to find some answers. What I’m doing now, getting upset and feeling like I’ve made a major parenting cock up and that’s why he’s behaving this way is not going to get us to a happier place. If you too are feeling like a rubbish parent because of your child’s behaviour then it’s time to ditch the negativity and start making a plan. The whole ‘woe is me’ thing? Let it go!

It can’t be all baking biscuits in the kitchen, long family walks and giggles on the sofa all the time. I think it was my sister who reminded me when I was struggled with post natal depression that just making it through each day with small children is an achievement. Before we have kids we are full of all these misguided expectations that it’s going to be all perfect and rosy all of the time and that we are going to love every single moment when, in reality, this isn’t the case at all.

It links back to the mum guilt thing, if we have a rubbish day and the kids have run feral around the house we end up feeling bad for not taking them out, for having a lazy day instead of having a picture perfect family day out, doing crafts, baking cakes or whatever. Really, all of those little things that shape your kids childhood are important but what is the most important thing and the thing they will remember the most as adults is being happy as a family. If you are constantly comparing your family life to others, always feeling guilty over little things and wishing you were doing things differently then you’re never going to be truly happy.

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Parenting is hard work, don’t get me wrong it is full of amazing moments too but unless you’re supermum (spoiler alert: she doesn’t exist) then life with kids is not going to be perfect every minute of every day. The final step on our mission to becoming more positive and happy parents? Take those unrealistic expectations and totally unachievable goals of family life perfection and, you guessed it, let it goo!

So, if we all just started to be more Elsa and let go of all the negative talk we torture ourselves with every day then we can become the happy and positive parents we want to be. It’s hard, I’m not saying it’s a quick fix and I’m only now starting to implement this more positive outlook in to my own life as a mum but I am so confident that by letting go of all the bad things I will finally be able to feel happier and more content as a parent to my boys,

And remember, whenever something is getting you down and trying to kill your positive buzz, Elsa is always ready for a sing song to help you through.

Do you feel like you are holding on to a lot of negative thoughts now you’re a parent? Do you wish you could be more Elsa and let things go? I’m excited to stick on this path to becoming a more positive parent and hoping that by making this simple change and no longer letting bad thoughts get me down that I can become a much happier mum. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

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  1. November 28, 2017 / 8:42 am

    This is so me right now! I over analyse things so much and will think about something long after it’s happened thinking ‘I should have said that’ or ‘I should have done that’. Being like Elsa seems like a great mentality to have to me and I’m definitely with you on trying to Let it go! #Dreamteam
    Amy – The Rolling Baby recently posted…Sleep Easy with the Angelcare Baby MonitorMy Profile

  2. November 28, 2017 / 8:52 pm

    It can be so hard to be positive when you are struggling and exhausted but we do have to remind ourselves that we are doing a good job and that fact we care about and love our families is why we worry. We should focus our energy on enjoying life as often as possible x

  3. November 29, 2017 / 5:21 pm

    Mum guilt hits us all, some harder then others. I just try my best to keep my kids happy and healthy. If I do that then I must be doing something right!

  4. The Mummy Bubble
    November 30, 2017 / 7:16 am

    Yes yes yes, this! Can relate to all of it! I totally need to just let it go at the end of the very busy day. #coolmumclub

  5. November 30, 2017 / 2:19 pm

    Yes to this! Silence the inner critic and unleash your inner Elsa! It’s something I have become much better at doing. Our minds can really send us on a downward spiral otherwise. Love this post thanks for much for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xxox

  6. December 1, 2017 / 9:04 am

    I wrote a post on this a while back i came to the same conclusions and was sick of hearing every mum I knew bearing herself up. We are only human and you are so right its not all cookie making and nice walks but they are the only bits we see. Great post #blogcrush
    pam lorimer recently posted…100 Truths Blogger TagMy Profile

  7. December 1, 2017 / 9:40 am

    Oh I totally feel this at the moment. I think I am always either parenting or trying to work and doing neither very well or making any progress in any area! I think this is such a great idea to tell yourself to be more Elsa. Because actually – apart from loving Frozen! – the message to let some things go is really powerful! Thank you and I hope you manage to do the same soon lovely! xx #BlogCrush

  8. December 1, 2017 / 2:57 pm

    Preach! It’s exhausting trying to be the Pinterest-Perfect Mom… when they don’t exist. Thank you for the mantra to release the guilt and enjoy time with the little ones!

  9. December 1, 2017 / 3:45 pm

    Important post and remember struggling so much with parenting over the years including a long battle with post-natal depression. In fact, when I went to see Frozen that song made me cry so much – a release of so much pent-up tension and a feeling I had got lost since becoming a mum. What I will say is the more people like you talk about this stuff the better
    Kate recently posted…Tear and share mince pie recipeMy Profile

  10. December 1, 2017 / 6:51 pm

    Wow, this is such an inspiring post! I am so sorry you’ve been having a rough time of it with Leo’s defiance and your own Mom guilt. That being said, I admire you for admitting it and making a conscious effort to let it go.
    Astrid recently posted…Doctor #WotW #PoCoLoMy Profile

  11. December 1, 2017 / 7:30 pm

    I think I am more like Elsa now that my kids are bigger and I no longer fret over the small stuff. On the odd occasion when I forgot to do something that involves my kids – there is that guilt and when apologising for slipping up they will say “mom don’t worry about it – it is no big deal”. I think we over analyse too much and that brings on negative thoughts so just let go. After all we just humans trying to raise little humans to the best of our ability.#blogcrush

  12. December 1, 2017 / 8:53 pm

    My negative thoughts revolve a lot around my husband at the moment. Now that’s not his fault, just how things have slowly skewed that way. I made the decision to be a SAHM, but now I’m looking for more. It’s been 2.5 years and 2 children since I worked a traditional job and I’ve taken on ALL the house and child related duties. Yes – I’m a 1950s housewife. So for me to go back to work, it’s going to take a shift for the both of us to give me time and space to try and go back. It’s never been anything else than me being the main child carer and house looker-afterer, so I think it will be a shock to the system for my husband. Don’t get me wrong, he does A LOT in the house, but delegated by me. Long story short, lets hope he can adjust to the upcoming changes and I drop the mum guilt. Roll on Elsa attitude in bucket loads! #BlogCrush

  13. December 1, 2017 / 10:08 pm

    Oh gosh yes.When it’s one thing after another, it can be really tough and a touch harder to bounce back (as us mums are expected to do). I think you have got it spot on when it comes to letting it all go. I wonder what my 5 year old would say if I burst out singing ‘let it go’ – I might just give it a go to see lol. #BlogCrush x
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…Secret Santa Gift Ideas for Bloggers + 3 Fab #GiveawaysMy Profile

  14. December 2, 2017 / 11:25 am

    Just popping back with the #DreamTeam. I love this post and certainly believe that letting go of things quickly can really improve our happiness all round. It’s just easier said than done, right? *I had the perfect moment to burst into ‘let it go’ this morning and completely forgot. Opps. Next time 🙂 xx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…Secret Santa Gift Ideas for Bloggers + 3 Fab #GiveawaysMy Profile

  15. December 4, 2017 / 5:53 am

    What an excellent mission, I’m sure it will lead you to much happier days. #BlogCrush

  16. December 4, 2017 / 10:50 am

    If it goes a small way in helping you feel a little better, Little Man has been very defiant and difficult lately too. Some days I don’t recognise me and it makes me so sad because when he’s good he is such a wonderful little boy. I’m sure it’s something most kids go through. I don’t believe anyone who says their kids are never naughty. Thanks for joining in at #TriumphantTales

  17. December 4, 2017 / 11:13 am

    Awwww so you are the same as me inwardly singing ‘let it go’ to yourself at different points in the day – pleased it’s not just me and yes I totally get where you are coming from with ‘mama fatigue’ and how things can’t always be happy baking sessions and long walking in lovely weather…. it’s so good we are more honest and do remind each other to let things go more. Lots of love xx #thesatsesh
    Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness recently posted…The Saturday Sesh #15My Profile

  18. December 4, 2017 / 11:35 am

    I think we are always more critical of ourselves than others are and agree we should let the mum guilt go. Keep trying our best and learn from our mistakes but don’t dwell on them #dreamteam
    Musings of a tired mummy…zzz… recently posted…#MySundayPhoto: the class bearMy Profile

  19. December 4, 2017 / 7:55 pm

    #thesatsesh yesssss to letting it go! This at times is my mantra and ‘the cold really bothers me’ lol. However, i agree 10000% that worry is inevitable but not necessary. small daily steps and making the effort to smile more and also make time for you is essential in the war against negativity 🙂 best of luck lovely x
    fridgesays recently posted…Example is Leadership #3 Iris ApfelMy Profile

  20. December 4, 2017 / 8:00 pm

    Yes Yes YES to this! I have a terrible habit of getting sucked into a right old moan fest and every now and again have to have a good old word with myself. Thanks for the reminder…I’m definitely rocking the ice blue gown tomorrow!!
    Thanks so much for sharing with #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…Is being a SAHM setting a bad example to our daughters?My Profile

  21. December 4, 2017 / 8:12 pm

    You can’t beat a bit of friendly disney-themed advice! I berate myself over my parenting decisions – doing too much, not doing enough, being too strict, not being strict enough. It’s hard being a parent – you’re constantly having to make decisions and sometimes there isn’t a “right” one but we mull it over and worry and feel guilty about it all anyway. Thank you for the encouragement to just “let it goooo” #blogcrush
    Lucy At Home recently posted…BlogCrush Week 42 – 1st December 2017My Profile

  22. December 4, 2017 / 8:18 pm

    Always high five yourself that everyone survived the day! I like the way your turning the inevitable Mummy guilt into this positive Elsa train of thought #COOLMUMCLUB

  23. December 4, 2017 / 9:18 pm

    Aawww Wendy I feel for you ,it’s so tough and add tiredness into the mix things can just feel overwhelming. Good old Elsa though, I think I identify with that character more than any and how can you feel down with a kick ass song like that!! #TriumphantTales
    daydreams of a mum recently posted…3 tips to help ease anxiety at Christmas…My Profile

  24. December 5, 2017 / 8:14 am

    Mum guilt is inevitable but I think it shows how much we care! It’s tough at times but sometimes you’ve just got to let it go 😉 x

  25. December 5, 2017 / 7:02 pm

    I love this post Wendy! LET IT GO! Scream it from the rooftops! Find the volume button on that inner voice and turn it off! You can do it! Me, I will try to! M’wah Love! #blogcrush xoxo

  26. December 6, 2017 / 10:57 pm

    Let it goooo, let it gooooo!!!! Yes, totally agree – I think it’s easier to let it go when you’re in a more positive place – ironically enough. Sometimes I think though you do have to get to that point of being ‘fed up’ -like you said – of feeling the guilt and it gives you a kick start to sort yourself out. I go through peaks and troughs of positivity, always good to have a reminder though – thanks for sharing #BlogCrush

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