As I draft this post it is a Saturday afternoon and I am sat, alone, in a cafe. I have just enjoyed an amazing salmon roll and cappuccino, alone. Read a whole magazine, a women’s magazine I might add and not the usual CBeebies one I’m forced to peruse with my four year old. I took said magazine out of my favourite handbag, the little one that I can only just fit my purse in and would never in a million years accommodate enough nappies, wipes and snacks for a Saturday out with the kids (trust me, I’ve tried). While I can hear the chitter chatter of other customers and shoppers, the tinkling of cups and saucers being tidied away and the background music playing, the whole place feels much quieter than I’m used to.
For what feels like the first time in a very very long time, I am enjoying a Saturday to myself. I have causally browsed the rails in the shops, actually tried clothes on before buying them as I haven’t had to worry about fitting a pushchair and a four year old into a tiny changing room and I have joyfully jogged up and down the stairs in the shopping centre, instead of the usual ordeal of wasting half my life queuing for the lift. I am having a great day. For example, right now I am sat at a tiny table, there is absolutely no way a baby in a highchair and fidgety four year old could fit here. I have drank a whole cup of coffee before it went cold and was able to savour eating my lunch instead of having to guzzle it down in 10 seconds flat before the baby took a fancy to it instead of his own or the four year old decided to do a runner. Whilst perusing the clothes in the shops I listened to not one but two different podcasts and relished in not hearing the word ‘mummy’ shouted in my direction over and over again.
Mummy me time, is it selfish?
I’m not on a time limit but I want to get back home soon, before I leave though I am going to take one last pram free, kid free, stress free stroll around the shops. I might even pop into Waterstones and read the blurbs from a load of books and treat myself to a new read or two, just because I can. There is a part of me that wishes this day would never end, a part that is basking in this freedom and wishes this could happen every Saturday. The biggest part of me though, the part of me that has only existed for 4 of my 26 years, the mummy part, can’t wait for the text message to arrive telling me that my husband and kids have just parked up and are on their way to meet me.
Days like today, they are my me time but so often I have wondered, does wanting ‘me time’ as a parent make you selfish? When you think about your daily life as mum how often are you putting yourself first and doing what you want to do? Chances are the answer is not very often. I bet you are the last one to get washed and dressed in the morning, always making sure the kids are ready for school before maybe washing your own hair and chucking on your usual mum uniform. I bet you spend your days doing activities and going to places you know your kids will love, these are also often not necessarily the places or things you’d spend your time doing if it was completely up to you. I bet every evening you are the last one to sit down at the dinner table, making sure everyone else has drinks and the correct colour/size cutlery first. Even when you do sit down I bet you spend most your meal helping and encouraging little ones to eat their food. Obviously, you happily do all these things, you love your kids and you love being a mum but does that mean you are not allowed to crave some time just for yourself too? Some time where you can put yourself first for once?
If your family is like mine then the weekends are sacred, two days of immersive family time that you love and cherish, the two days of the week where so many memories are made. To sacrifice one of these family days in the bluest of blue moons to have a day to yourself is not selfish, does not make you a bad mum. Me time is never more needed than when you are a parent and I’m not writing this post to convince myself I’m not selfish, I already know that. I’m writing this post for all the new mums out there who feel like they are not allowed time away from their kids because you are! You so so are. Please don’t be like me and take over four years to realise that having time to yourself as a mum is not selfish. It’s the opposite, if you take time to recharge and let go of the mum duties for a little while, you will be a much happier mum and relaxed mum to your kids when you are graced with their wonderful, yet totally chaotic, messy and sometimes stress headache inducing company again.
Is mummy me time selfish? Hell no! It’s called self care and is something we all need, especially us Mamas.
Now, find the time to do something you love today 🙂
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I don’t think it’s selfish. It’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup! So it’s important to look after yourself so you can look after your family! #dreamteam
The Rhyming Mum recently posted…Sleep paralysis: A tired mum’s experience
Completely agree, took my a while to realise that it was beneficial to everyone for me to have some ‘me time’ once in a while, self care is so important. Beautifully written. #bloggersbest
Cheshire SEN Tutor recently posted…Review: Make and Colour Cars & Trucks (B Small Publishing)
It’s not selfish to want to look after both your physical health perhaps to do a Pilates class or your mental health to have some lovely time enjoying a coffee and a read….self care is so important so that we can then carry on with our day-to-day lives in the best way we can. It does change quickly once your children are older though and I find I’m alone but miss my teenagers as they are out and about! Lovely post Wendy. X #bloggersbest
Sophie recently posted…What to do when the blog takes off!
Mummy Me-Time is so essential it deserves a few capitals 🙂
Around once every six-eight weeks my mind craves alone time, and I’ll be heading to a lovely hotel shortly for a few nights catching up with myself.
Definitely not selfish! Remember the airline advice about the masks? You before others.
Lots of love from a fellow MM-T Practitioner.
Love this hun as I so agree. We do deserve that time. I am so craving a shopping trip soon like you. I may ask hubby! Thanks for sharing with #bloggersbest x
Sarah Howe recently posted…Introducing Bloggers’ Best – Week #16
I don’t think it’s selfish at all. I think we all need some “me time”, whether it’s a ten minute minute cup of tea in peace, or a whole day away from at all. Sometimes we need reminding of the person we were before we became “mum” but it doesn’t make us love them any less #bloggersbest
Definitely not selfish at all! I think me time makes us better parents as we come back to our kids feeling happier with more energy. Great post lovely x #coolmumclub
Sounds like a blissful day! I definitely don’t feel selfish for having me time. Especially because my husband doesn’t even blink at taking time for himself. We’re both pretty happy about taking turns to let each other have a break but make time to be together as a family too. #coolmumclub
Wanting “me” time as a mummy, doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human. I struggle immensely as an introvert, quiet time is essential for me to recharge #ablogginggoodtime
Definitely not selfish but very much needed to be a good mum and human being! Anything that enables you to be a better parent is a thumbs up in my book which mummy me time definitely results in! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely xoxo
Popping back from #ablogginggoodtime too
Cheshire SEN Tutor recently posted…Review: Giant Road Jigsaw by Orchard Toys
Oh, what a lovely Saturday it sounds like you had! As a parent, making time for yourself is so important and in no way selfish. I’m a big believer in me time, especially as I know my mental health is a lot more solid when I make time for me, and try to do one little thing for myself a day – even if that’s just reading my book of an evening. Great post.
Jade @ Captured By Jade recently posted…Day in the Life | Monday 8th January 2018
I don’t think it’s at all selfish but necessary! I know I am so much better at dealing with motherhood with a smile if I’ve had a bit of time out! #coolmumclub xx
Not selfish – necessary. It’s important to take care of our mental health, as well. Even when both kids’ naps happen at the same time, those 2 hours of quiet are just wonderful – even if I am on the computer most of the time. Makes us appreciate things much more. Grocery shopping alone is such a treat!
#coolmumclub
Katelynn, hampersandhiccups.com
Mummy time is definitely NOT selfish. I treasure the rare moments I get to myself when I’m not doing childcare at work – they help keep me sane and remember who I am. #ablogginggoodtime
The Squirmy Popple recently posted…Flexi Mamas: Sarah from Digital Motherhood
You are so right, it’s called self-care and it’s so essential to our sanity! After all, a happy mummy makes for a happy child. (I know what a grump I am when I’m exhausted).
#coolmumclub
Nicole – Tales from Mamaville recently posted…Valentine’s Gifts for Mum: A Gift Guide
Not selfish at all. Self-care is very important and shows your children how everyone in the world is important. #BlogCrush
Heather Keet recently posted…Classic chili recipe…
I’m such a big believer of the need for time to yourself , even if it’s just 20 mins . Its way easier for me having 3 teenagers as they don’t need my attention all the time as they once did . So important to just have a little pitstop once in a while though as it’s bloody hard work this parenting gig ! #BlogCrush
daydreams of a mum recently posted…A brief whinge about January….
its so essential to take me time, whether you’re a mummy or not. Without looking after ‘me’ how can we sustain the strength to look after ‘them’ x #blogcrush
This is a perfect post and I hope it’s read by lots of mummies of young children. Mummy time is certainly not selfish, it’s a necessity and should be grabbed with both hands and relished.
#blogcrush
Anne recently posted…Word of the week – Better
I definitely need a bit of me time now and again, otherwise I’d go insane! I love being a mum, but sometimes it’s nice to have a bit of breathing space. #coolmumclub
Spot on – I used to feel incredibly guilty about ‘sacrificing’ family time for me time at a weekend. However, now on the rarity when it does happen, I know that it’s no bad thing for me or anyone else in the family. In fact I ‘ve now come to see it as an opportunity for my hubby and the kids to bond without me constantly directing proceedings (I can be so bossy!). Lovely, reassuring post. I’m pleased you had a relaxing mooch around the shops and cafe stop. xx #blogcrush xx
Hayley@ Mission: Mindfulness recently posted…The Saturday Sesh #19
Completely agree! Self-care is so important. If we don’t look after ourselves, how can we look after others?
#BlogCrush
It’s not selfish at all, I’m a big believer that mum’s need time to themselves for their own sanity – happy mum happy kids & husband! #ablogginggoodtime
I LOVE this post Wendy! Just a few hours away on our own (not working – that doesn’t count!) can make such a difference to our well being. I’m taking a leaf out of your book and putting my feet up finally after being really unwell over the last few days. I feel hideous, but kept motoring on because of dreaded mum guilt. Thanks for joining us for the #DreamTeam xx
Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…Today I Feel Embarrassed To Be A Blogger
You can’t pour from an empty cup. So mummy me-time is certainly a necessary. #ablogginggoodtime
Helena recently posted…100 Truths Blogger Tag
YES! You are so right. I 100% agree with you… so why do I still feel guilty when I crave a bit of me time?? I’m going to read your post again because I think I need telling again! Your point about every part of a mum’s life being about putting others first has really hit home to me, and I’m going to remind myself of this when the guilt starts to creep in. Such a fab post! #blogcrush
Lucy At Home recently posted…BlogCrush Week 49 – 19th January 2018
I hot-foot it to our allotment as often as I can on Saturday afternoons – hell I’ve deserved that time alone & so have you! #bloggersbest
Crummy Mummy recently posted…10 reasons to visit Liverpool One shopping centre
I actually think it is important for the children to know ‘mum comes back’, they need to learn that if mummy isn’t in sight that they can cope and feel happy because they know mummy always returns. It is healthy for them so how could that be selfish!? Plus we need sorry NEED!!!!!!! time for us because otherwise I personally would go completely bananas! Thank you for linking up #abloggingggodtime Also Catie from Spectrum Mum will no longer be hosting with Katie and I, we have a new co-host starting this week. So pop by on Thursday and join us xx You can still link up through me at reflectionsfromme.com
Mackenzie Glanville recently posted…do we need bad times to appreciate the good?
If keeping sane is selfish, than…. wait! You are in no way being selfish! Keep on it! #blogcrush xoxo
Lisa Pomerantz recently posted…I AM WOMAN, the musical resurfaces
Not selfish – totally essential. We just had a weekend away and I feel recharged and ready to be the mummy they need and deserve. It’s important to have time to be who you were. For a while there I forgot who I was and only existed as Mummy that is not good for your health
It’s not selfish at all, it’s absolutely needed. I know that I am a better mum to my kids when I am not running on empty. Glad you managed to grab a few hours, sounds like the perfect way to spend them.
The Reading Residence recently posted…How You Can Support The Blogger In Your Life
I’m a full-time mum to a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 year old and I find those most judgemental about “me time” are mum’s who work. They are horrified that I would send my youngest to nursery two mornings a week. How selfish of me. How nice it must be for me to have two mornings just to myself! Ha! If that really was the case. This morning I have been child free and my morning went down like this … rush to get ready before trying to feed older child and making his packed lunch before getting youngest to nursery, rush home, finish breakfast and rush to get oldest to school by 8.45. Get home, immediately get in car and head to the supermarket. Get home, unpack, wash up breakfast stuff, go upstairs, clean bathroom, try a hack off Facebook re mould on grout in bathroom, (it doesn’t work), use toothbrush to remove scuff marks from kids toys in the bath, that does work. Finally finished, collect all the clothes I’ve chucked in my youngest’s room and sort into piles and then fold and tidy those that are being kept. Move furniture around in room to make space for birthday present. Hoover. It’s now 11.45, I have less than an hour left. Head downstairs, make my lunch, stuff it down my face before heading to nursery to pick up my son. Yeah, it’s lovely having such a massive amount of time to myself! I am yet to sit down today unless I’ve been driving.
Any time a parent has away from their child is precious regardless of whether it’s a train journey to and from work where you can sit and read a book or play a game on your phone. Or like me, two mornings a week where I can do what I please. However, I don’t work, I can’t afford a cleaner, which is what the person who makes the most noise about my son being at nursery has and at the end of the day, I could choose to sit and watch crap on tv all morning and do you know what, some days I do just that because I bloody well deserve it! We all do.