When someone special becomes an angel

The past week or so has been awful. There’s no other word I can use…it has been awful.
My lovely, caring, wonderful,  beautiful, amazing nan passed away.
On Saturday, after a 3 week stay in hospital and lots of various health issues, my brilliant nan became one of heavens special angels.

I spent the whole week before just crying my eyes out as we all knew the inevitable was coming. Once I heard the news though no tears came, I just felt weirdly numb. I feel as though it’s not real, I visited her house yesterday and kept expecting her to appear from the kitchen.
At times like this you need to be around family so I am up at home with my parents. I have been here since Saturday so I’m  really missing Oli and just want a cuddle off my husband.
Leo is helping me through all this but also making it more difficult. On Saturday I was very upset, I wasn’t  crying but he seemed to just know.  He came and gave me a big cwtch and one of those adorably sloppy kisses. Unfortunately, the back molars have chosen this time to start cutting through so I have one grumpy boy on my hands. He is having unreal tantrums during the day, sticking to me like glue and being almost unbearable at bed time. I am looking forward to getting home to Swansea so I have the support I need from Oli. 
Looking after Leo everyday means I don’t have much time to sit around and be sad, playing together with all my old toys is a good distraction technique. When he is not having a screaming fit he is mostly being his usual comical self and I can’t help but smile.
Me and my cousin had a rummage through my nans old photo albums yesterday and it really helped cheer us both up.
Leo is pointing at pictures of nan and saying ‘nanny’. This is really sweet but also heartbreaking because he probably won’t have any memories of her when he’s older. I am trying not to cry in front of him as he already seems to be picking up on the mood and is more sensitive than usual. Although I am sad he won’t remember nan, I am so glad he’s not old enough to understand. My poor sisters have had to explain it all to their kids and have had to see their children be upset.
Seeing family has been lovely but I needed to get away from the sadnesss for a bit today. Leo stayed at my in laws last night so I spent some time there today and indulged in a bit of puppy love therapy, Millie is gorgeous! I also went and visited an old friend and had lots of snuggles with her 6 week old daughter. Chocolate is also lifting my mood but nothing works for long. My nan was such an amazing lady and the world just feels wrong without her.

This is a bit of an odd thing to blog about but I just feel I need to let it out to help me come to terms with everything.
Has anyone else lost a loved one? How did you cope with the grief while still being a good mum?
I already can’t wait for Leo to wake up tomorrow so he can cheer me up with a cuddle…I miss my nan πŸ™ .

The Twinkle Diaries

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9 Comments

  1. May 5, 2015 / 8:53 pm

    Some beautiful pictures and wonderful memories. Sorry for your loss x

  2. May 7, 2015 / 11:43 am

    What a heartfelt post. Sorry for your loss but what lovely memories x
    #twinklytuesday

  3. May 8, 2015 / 6:55 pm

    So sorry for your loss my darling, it is so hard losing the ones we love. I lost my dad in 2012 and my nan the following year. No matter who it is, it isn't easy, especially if you are so close to them. You have some wonderful memories and some wonderful photos and she'll always be with you. Take care sweetie and thanks for linking up such a heartfelt post to #TwinklyTuesday

  4. May 10, 2015 / 4:28 pm

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. May 10, 2015 / 4:30 pm

    Thank you.Yes it is awful but atleast I will always the memories.sorrh to hear about your dad & nan xx

  6. Caro Davies
    May 10, 2015 / 5:37 pm

    Ahhh sweetheart β€” I'm so sorry for your loss. This post made me feel a bit teary. We lost my amazing granddad a few years ago and I still miss him SO much. My lovely nana (his wife) isn't very well at the mo and I *almost* wish that she'd just slip away. Although I'd miss her terribly β€” particularly as she's my last remaining grandparent β€” she's 93 and she misses my granddad so much.

    Loss is never easy β€” even though it's an inevitably of life β€” but just try and celebrate her life and remember the happy times. Thanks for linking up to #TwinklyTuesday x

    Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk

  7. May 16, 2015 / 7:52 am

    Thank you lovely, we are just trying to remember the happy times. My granddad went 10 years ago and my nan has been so ill and lonely ever since so we were all feeling the same as you…wanting her to slip away but selfishly wanting her to stick around forever. It's a very hard time but I know it will get easier i hope you're nan gets better xx