Being pregnant the second time around is so much harder than I ever expected it would be. I am, of course, over the moon that we are having another baby and that Leo is going to be a big brother, there are just times when I feel a bit overwhelmed. The fact that in a few short months a newborn will be joining our family and things are going to change (big time!) really does stress me out sometimes. Things are already starting to change now and baby hasn’t even arrived yet. Being pregnant and having a very energetic two year old don’t really work together harmoniously, there have been times in the last 23weeks where I have worried that my second pregnancy is turning me in to a bad Mum.
Since becoming pregnant again my love for Leo has not changed, I still love him like mad, like it feels like my heart might explode sometimes. However, there has definitely been a shift in my approach to parenting since baby bump number 2 started growing. These changes have been subtle and not always intentional but they are there and I am trying so much to stop them. Here is what has been happening and why I am starting to feel like a bit of a crappy Mum..
Too tired to play – It is no secret, pregnancy makes you tired. Those first 3 months were just awful, I was so exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep all day and not move from the sofa. Obviously for Leo, nothing had changed, he still wanted me to play chase around the garden with him, take him to the park and climb around at the local soft play. When you are feeling sick and exhausted, none of these things sound appealing so there were quite a few times I didn’t take him when he asked. This later, obviously, resulted in buckets of mummy guilt, the poor boy was missing out on his fun and his sibling wasn’t even the size of a grape yet.
Hormones – Ahh pregnancy hormones, they are just the worst aren’t they? There have been times when the tiniest little thing has gone wrong or Leo has been trying my patience a little too much and I just end up crying. I don’t mean a few tears falling elegantly down my cheek, I mean proper balling my eyes over something as trivial as Leo not getting in his car seat the first time I asked. I don’t like Leo to see me upset but unfortunately he has witnessed quite a few tears from his Mummy these past few months, some much more justified than others I must admit. I am working hard every day to try and keep my hormones under control and not let them take over and turn me into a whimpering shadow of the Mum I know I can be.
Feel like crap – During the first 14weeks of this pregnancy I felt so ill, just sick and dizzy and generally just felt gross. Not only was this the time where I wanted to sleep all day but it was also the period where the sickness feelings were consuming me and I just had no energy to play or do anything. Now that has gone (phew!) but I still find myself suffering with headaches and low blood pressure means I am dizzy pretty much all the time. When Leo asks me to run around with him or to dance around the kitchen, I try my best to be enthusiastic and play along but there is only so long I can jump up and down to the songs on Radio 1 before I feel like I might faint. Once baby is out I owe my little man lots of dances and loads of games of chase!
I am just feeling a bit guilty and sad that being pregnant is stopping me from being the Mummy to Leo that I have been for the last 2 years. He doesn’t really understand why I am so tired and I feel dizzy and just don’t have the energy that I used to. I feel like even though baby isn’t here yet I am already having to spend less time with Leo doing the things he enjoys.
There are obviously good days, days where I am full of energy, don’t feel dizzy and crazy hormones seem to have gone away. I love these kind of days, these are the times where I feel like my old self again and I make sure Leo and I do something fun. We make the most of the days where I’m feeling ok, and on the days when I can’t face running around the park or going up and down the slide a million times at soft play, that’s ok because there is nothing wrong with cuddles on the sofa with a story book or a film. Leo may not understand why his Mummy is tired a lot of the time and doesn’t have the energy she used to but he knows that he is loved just as much as he always was, nothing will ever change that.
So if you are pregnant for the second time too and feel like it is a struggle to be the Mum you want to be to the children you already have then know you’re not alone and you don’t need to worry. Pregnancy is hard, pregnancy when you already have kids is even harder. Be kind to yourself and rest when you need to, you are growing a tiny human after all. Things will slowly start to get back to normal when your baby is here, once the sleep deprivation has passed obviously! In the mean time, make the most of the good days and try not to stress about the bad, we all have them sometimes.
Are you pregnant with your second child too? Do you feel like a bit of a rubbish Mum sometimes? I can’t wait to have the energy to be the fun, enthusiastic Mummy I know and can be. This time around I will have two kids to entertain so I will need lots of energy, best rest up now while I’ve got a good excuse! I would love to know your thoughts and if you have any tips for beating dizziness/low energy during pregnancy please let me know :).
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