Could my second pregnancy be turning me into a bad Mum?

Second pregnancy Naptime NAtter

Being pregnant the second time around is so much harder than I ever expected it would be. I am, of course, over the moon that we are having another baby and that Leo is going to be a big brother, there are just times when I feel a bit overwhelmed. The fact that in a few short months a newborn will be joining our family and things are going to change (big time!) really does stress me out sometimes. Things are already starting to change now and baby hasn’t even arrived yet. Being pregnant and having a very energetic two year old don’t really work togetherย harmoniously, there have been times in the last 23weeks where I have worried that my second pregnancy is turning me in to a bad Mum.

Since becoming pregnant again my love for Leo has not changed, I still love him like mad, like it feels like my heart might explode sometimes. However, there has definitely been a shift in my approach to parenting since baby bump number 2 started growing. These changes have been subtle and not always intentional but they are there and I am trying so much to stop them. Here is what has been happening and why I am starting to feel like a bit of a crappy Mum..

Too tired to play – It is no secret, pregnancy makes you tired. Those first 3 months were just awful, I was so exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep all day and not move from the sofa. Obviously for Leo, nothing had changed, he still wanted me to play chase around the garden with him, take him to the park and climb around at the local soft play. When you are feeling sick and exhausted, none of these things sound appealing so there were quite a few times I didn’t take him when he asked. This later, obviously, resulted in buckets of mummy guilt, the poor boy was missing out on his fun and his sibling wasn’t even the size of a grape yet.

Hormones – Ahh pregnancy hormones, they are just the worst aren’t they? There have been times when the tiniest little thing has gone wrong or Leo has been trying my patience a little too much and I just end up crying. I don’t mean a few tears falling elegantly down my cheek, I mean proper balling my eyes over something as trivial as Leo not getting in his car seat the first time I asked. I don’t like Leo to see me upset but unfortunately he has witnessed quite a few tears from his Mummy these past few months, some much more justified than others I must admit. I am working hard every day to try and keep my hormones under control and not let them take over and turn me into a whimpering shadow of the Mum I know I can be.

Feel like crap – During the first 14weeks of this pregnancy I felt so ill, just sick and dizzy and generally just felt gross. Not only was this the time where I wanted to sleep all day but it was also the period where the sickness feelings were consuming me and I just had no energy to play or do anything. Now that has gone (phew!) but I still find myself suffering with headaches and low blood pressure means I am dizzy pretty much all the time. When Leo asks me to run around with him or to dance around the kitchen, I try my best to be enthusiastic and play along but there is only so long I can jump up and down to the songs on Radio 1 before I feel like I might faint. Once baby is out I owe my little man lots of dances and loads of games of chase!

I am just feeling a bit guilty and sad that being pregnant is stopping me from being the Mummy to Leo that I have been for the last 2 years. He doesn’t really understand why I am so tired and I feel dizzy and just don’t have the energy that I used to. I feel like even though baby isn’t here yet I am already having to spend less time with Leo doing the things he enjoys.

Mum and son Naptime NAtter

So much love for this little man

There are obviously good days, days where I am full of energy, don’t feel dizzy and crazy hormones seem to have gone away. I love these kind of days, these are the times where I feel like my old self again and I make sure Leo and I do something fun. We make the most of the days where I’m feeling ok, and on the days when I can’t face running around the park or going up and down the slide a million times at soft play, that’s ok because there is nothing wrong with cuddles on the sofa with a story book or a film. Leo may not understand why his Mummy is tired a lot of the time and doesn’t have the energy she used to but he knows that he is loved just as much as he always was, nothing will ever change that.

So if you are pregnant for the second time too and feel like it is a struggle to be the Mum you want to be to the children you already have then know you’re not alone and you don’t need to worry. Pregnancy is hard, pregnancy when you already have kids is even harder. Be kind to yourself and rest when you need to, you are growing a tiny human after all. Things will slowly start to get back to normal when your baby is here, once the sleep deprivation has passed obviously! In the mean time, make the most of the good days and try not to stress about the bad, we all have them sometimes.

Are you pregnant with your second child too? Do you feel like a bit of a rubbish Mum sometimes? I can’t wait to have the energy to be the fun, enthusiastic Mummy I know and can be. This time around I will have two kids to entertain so I will need lots of energy, best rest up now while I’ve got a good excuse! I would love to know your thoughts and if you have any tips for beating dizziness/low energy during pregnancy please let me know :).

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28 Comments

  1. June 24, 2016 / 10:37 am

    I felt like this with my second pregnancy and even now 22 months later I still feel like I wasn’t the mum when I only had Alice. Life is so busy with 2 children, I don’t have time to do so much that I would love to do. Most days I feel guilty, but I have also learnt that they have so much more, because they have each other. There is nothing better than siblings playing. X #picknmix
    Laura – dear bear and beany recently posted…Review: Fitness Angels…My Profile

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:42 pm

      Aww mum guilt is horrible isn’t it, I think we all get it over one thing or another. I can’t wait to see what Leo will be like with his baby brother and to watch their relationship grow xx

  2. June 24, 2016 / 10:47 am

    You will be fantastic!!It is bloody tough, but it is all just different; not better, not worse; just different. I was the youngest of 5 kids (5 in 5 years). My siblings heard my reader at night. My folks were too busy or too exhausted. I am fine and we are all closer for it. Don’t beat yourself up.Be the best you that you can. #TheList

    • Wendy
      July 1, 2016 / 1:16 pm

      5 in 5years, woah!Your Mum must be super woman. Aww I am trying not to beat myself up, it’s just hard sometimes xx

  3. The Tale of Mummyhood
    June 25, 2016 / 1:19 pm

    My youngest is now 10 weeks so I can totally relate to how being pregnant with a toddler in tow can make you feel! It is so exhausting sometimes, hang in there and get those feet up!

    #fortheloveofBLOG

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:43 pm

      Thanks lovely, it is hard and the opportunity to my feet up isn’t as often as I would like but I will try ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  4. June 26, 2016 / 9:54 pm

    Oh yes I can definitely empathise with this! We do lots of dancing round the house and I can’t do all our swings and lifts at the moment which I do feel bad about. That and the less active play but we are finding smaller ways to play which is nice…we’re doing lots of building things together for example. I’ve noticed a change in him too though – subtle but definitely there. His sibling has made their presence felt to him already! #fortheloveofBLOG
    Lucy at occupation: (m)other recently posted…How My Son Sleeps Through The NightMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 12, 2016 / 2:50 pm

      Aww I feel the same, Leo loves being spun around and I just can’t do it at the minute. Ohh I wish my boy would just sit and build things with me, that sounds so nice! Aww hopefully your little man will be fine once baby is here, I am constantly wondering how Leo is going to be when our new arrival makes his appearance xx

  5. June 27, 2016 / 9:29 am

    I feel like this all the time!! Specially even more when my lovely 3 year old tells me daddys more fun!! lol
    It can only get better after no.2 arrives!
    Lx
    http://workingmumy.blogspot.com
    #bigpinklink

    • Wendy
      June 29, 2016 / 5:38 pm

      Aww does she?! My little boy doesn’t say things like that but it is obvious he thinks it, he always wants to play with his Daddy and not me. You’re right, once our babies arrive hopefully things will be better xx

  6. June 28, 2016 / 7:56 am

    I could’ve written this post myself! I’ve felt everything you’ve described above this pregnancy, and the worst was definitely when I was so ill during the first 12 weeks and felt like such an awful Mummy. It’ll all be worth it in the end. #twinklytuesday

    • Wendy
      June 29, 2016 / 5:33 pm

      Awww I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way too, it is so hard sometime isn’t it? Ugh, I try not to think too much about the first trimester, it was a real crappy time..morning sickness sucks! Yes it will definitely be worth it in the end when we can give our boys the lovely gift of a sibling, not many weeks left for you now ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  7. June 28, 2016 / 8:36 am

    I felt like this with my second pregnancy too. I had very low blood pressure and was in and out of the hospital, my eldest was just one and I felt that I was neglecting him in so many ways. The great thing is that he can’t remember, even though I can! With my third, fourth and fifth pregnancies I felt it equally the same, especially with the small age gaps (15 months and 12 months) as I was literally having to deal with a newborn whilst pregnant, I really struggled with the Mummy guilt but we got through it and again, none of them will ever know!! It’s all worth it in the end, and for what it matters, I think you sound like an amazing Mummy! #TwinklyTuesday
    five little doves recently posted…Making memories.My Profile

    • Wendy
      June 29, 2016 / 5:31 pm

      Oh my gosh that must have been so hard for you, being pregnant when your babies were still so young. I have never really thought about the fact that he won’t remember me being pregnant and miserable/exhausted, that has made me feel a lot better actually. Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  8. June 28, 2016 / 9:39 am

    Ah no don’t be so hard on yourself, you are a good Mum! It must be really difficult having a little one while pregnant. I think just savour the good days where you have energy : ). You sound like a very good Mum : ). #bigpinklink

    • Wendy
      June 29, 2016 / 5:28 pm

      Aww thanks so much lovely. It is hard but it’s not all bad, like you said I just need to cherish the good days and not worry too much about the bad xx

  9. June 28, 2016 / 6:53 pm

    Oh lovey, I remember this so well. It sucks and it’s only the start of the mum guilt! It does get easier though, I promise. Although the raging hormones may get a bit worse before they get better. Thanks for linking! #bigpinklink xx
    Louise Pink Pear Bear recently posted…Big Pink Link 27 JuneMy Profile

    • Wendy
      June 29, 2016 / 5:25 pm

      Thanks Louise ๐Ÿ™‚ It has been really hard at time and stupid mummy guilt makes everything feel so much worse than it actually is. Ahh the hormoes, I can’t wait for them to get lost, fed up of being a miserable and grumpy woman all the time haha xx

  10. June 29, 2016 / 10:19 am

    Oh I can so relate to this! I’m pregnant with our second and it is so much harder this time round, looking after a little energetic toddler as well. I found the exhaustion in the first three months so overwhelming that I kept crying just from tiredness. I felt so guilty about having to just lie down while my daughter had to occupy herself … but, like you say, things will get better, and they will (hopefully!) love having siblings, so it’ll be worth it in the end ๐Ÿ™‚ #bestandworst
    Meg recently posted…All My Unwise WaysMy Profile

    • Wendy
      June 29, 2016 / 5:24 pm

      Awww I know exactly how you feel about the first trimester, it was really difficult for me too. I think you take your first pregnancy for granted, when you can just nap in the afternoons and have lie ins on the weekend! That’s what I keep thinking, he will forgive me when he has a new besst friend to play with xx

  11. June 29, 2016 / 9:34 pm

    Awww bless you, listen to your own words, don’t be hard on yourself and rest when you can. It can’t be easy.. We’ve only got the one child at the moment and I would love him to have a sister or brother. I’ve the internal debate on when we will start and try for this. I am sure I will hit the same problems. Rest and craft days! #bigpinklink

    • Wendy
      July 1, 2016 / 1:07 pm

      Rest and craft days sound like a great idea. We were umming and ahhing over a second baby for ages, in the end we just went for as we decided there is never a perfect time and if we keep waiting it might never happen! I think lots of people feel this way during their second pregnancy xx

  12. June 30, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    Dear of you, it is a lot harder being pregnant with a toddler to deal with. There are 19 months between my two so I can remember well just how tiring it was, it is obvious you are a fab Mum though ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x
    A Cornish Mum recently posted…Review + Competition – 80 Piece Bic Colouring SetMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 1, 2016 / 1:04 pm

      Aww thank you Stevie. It is hard sometimes, gosh I don’t think I could have coped with a 19month age gap! I’m glad Leo is nearly 3 and understands a lot more now, it makes it a bit easier. Thanks for hosting xx

  13. June 30, 2016 / 12:59 pm

    You’re not being a rubbish Mum lovely at all, you’re still looking after Leo but you need to rest when you can as you’re growing a baby. The first 3 months must have been awful for you, and I’m sure that he thought you were being the best Mum. I’m sure a lot of women must feel that same way that you do, and I would say take every day as it comes, the pregnancy isn’t forever and you will soon be able to enjoy being a family of four. Thanks for linking up another post this week at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x
    The Pramshed recently posted…First day at NurseryMy Profile

    • Wendy
      July 1, 2016 / 1:01 pm

      Great advice Claire, thanks lovely. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about taking it easy but we all know what a bitch mum guilt can be. That god pregnancy doesn’t last for ever! I can’t wait for baby to be here so Leo can get to meet his sibling and I can finally get some energy back. Thanks for hosting xx

  14. July 3, 2016 / 3:23 pm

    Yup I’m pregnant with my second! It’s tough – the first 16 weeks were sooo hard. Now I feel a little better and like myself. The hardest thing is my daughter wanting constant cuddles and climbing on the bump. It gets so uncomfy. Also she likes me to throw her about and roll around. Having to say ask Daddy is always a bit rubbish too. Just think not long and we will be back to very tired Mummies who can at least lie on their tummies again! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst
    Sarah Howe recently posted…My Happy Week #17My Profile

    • Wendy
      July 3, 2016 / 7:41 pm

      I know just what you mean, I’m always having to say ‘ask Daddy’ and it makes me feel horrible. Yes it won’t be too long now, atleast I get a few more weeks of proper sleep than you haha ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

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