59 reasons NOT to have a third baby

59 reasons NOT to have a third baby

Recently Alex has started to be really clingy, I mean, I can’t put him down for more than 2 minutes without him going mental and acting like I’ve abandoned him on the side of the road or something. Not wanting to miss out on the fun of stressing Mummy out, Leo has decided now is a great time to start being as naughty as possible and have loads of massive tantrums, worse than those of the biggest two year old diva going. So you would think the last thing on my mind would be the idea of potentially adding another baby to the chaos wouldn’t you? And yet here I am, I have a 3 year old and an almost 9 month old and I’m feeling, dare I say it, broody.

What is going on?

I don’t know if it’s because Leo is off to school in September, because Alex is insisting on making it his mission to learn to walk before his first birthday or because almost every single person I follow on instagram is either pregnant or has just had a squishy little newborn but for some crazy reason I am toying with the idea of maybe having a third baby. The thing is, deep down I know I’m happy with two. I love my boys and think our little family unit is lovely but there is some part of me (I’m blaming hormones!) that can’t help but wonder what life would be like if we had a third baby. So, to silence that little daydream and stop it in its tracks before I find myself trying to convince the husband we should try for another baby, I am writing this list…

59 reasons not to have a third baby

1. Morning sickness sucks

2. First trimester anxiety sucks

3. Having to keep a secret that big for 12 weeks is stressful and really hard to do

4. Maternity clothes are mostly unflattering and really unfashionable

5. Maternity clothes cost loads

6. Having a ‘not quite’ baby bump just makes you feel frumpy

7. You have no control over your appetite during pregnancy

8. Pregnancy hormones suck

9. The third trimester is really hard going

10. A much needed nap whilst heavily pregnant would be impossible with 2 little ones running around

11. Contractions are beyond painful (remember this!)

12. Giving birth is not dissimilar to someone holding a flame between your legs whilst you force out a melon

13. Those early days of breastfeeding are stressful and sometimes painful (remember what Alex did to your poor nipples!)

14. The postpartum bleed is painful, gross and lasts for weeks

15. You sort of feel like you’ve been hit by a lorry for the first couple weeks after giving birth

16. Changing that first ever pooey nappy is pretty disgusting, meconium is like tar

17. Waking up 10 times a night to stick a baby on your boob is not fun

18. Trying to make it through the day on 3 hours broken sleep with 2 kids to look after is hard enough as is

19. Coping with a whinging toddler and crying newborn feels like hell at times

20. The laundry pile is never finished as a family of 4, we would need another house to store another persons dirty clothes and sheets in

21. The weekly food shop already costs a small fortune

22. It surely wouldn’t be possible to feed a baby and a toddler and a fussy four year old and maybe even myself 3 times a day, would it?

23. We wouldn’t all fit in the car

24. I find it hard enough giving 2 children equal and fair attention

25. There would be no time in the day left for quality ‘me time’

26. The hubby and I never get a break to just be a couple as it is

27. Where would we put all the toys?

28. With only 2 no one can be left out

29. I’m shattered after a day at home with just the two

30. A third pregnancy and labour is very likely to obliterate what’s left of my pelvic floor

31. The hubby and I would be outnumbered

32. The budget would have to be even tighter, we wouldn’t be able to go on as many family days out

33. I would probably go bald thanks to post pregnancy hair loss (still shedding like a cat 9 months post birth)

34. Two of the kids would have to share a bedroom

35. Our established bedtime routines would probably go out the window

36. I could sell all the baby clothes that are taking up space in the attic

37. Our moses basket is worth a fortune, I would be able to sell that too.

38. I actually like my post baby body, I might not feel that way after a third pregnancy

39. We would never be able to afford to go on a family holiday

40. The two boys might get jealous

41. Could I really deal with 3 kids crying at the same time?

42. Potty training is not something I want to endure 3 times over

43. What if another child made my anxiety worse?

44. I might get post natal depression again

45. My other 2 children probably don’t want or need another sibling

46. A family trip to the cinema (one of our favourite things) would cost about a million pounds

47. I would have to write this blog in the middle of the night

48. Would I have any boobs left after breastfeeding a third baby?

49. My stomach muscles might split apart again

50. Could I really cope parenting three teenagers when the time comes?

51. What if it’s a girl and her brothers don’t like her?

52. What if it’s a boy and I feel a bit disappointed?

53. Nursing bras are ugly and the sooner I don’t have to wear them anymore the better

54. Any career plans would have to take another step back

55. We would have three times the worry

56. Does anyone actually survive the terrible twos third time around?

57. We would never be able to afford to give them everything they want

58. If we don’t have another then my days of changing nappies will soon be over

59. The hubby doesn’t want another one (end of).

Woah, that list ended up being a lot longer than I’d anticipated. I think I’ve created a pretty strong case, perhaps a third baby wouldn’t be the best idea after all. Of course, when making big life decisions you should always consider both sides of the argument. However, I feel writing ’59 reasons I SHOULD have another baby’ would be counterproductive in this instance.

As I said, Oli is very much of the two and done mindset and I’m pretty sure I am too. I don’t want to encourage that little broody part of me by writing a massive list of all the reasons why being a parent is amazing and why bringing another little life into the world would be a frigging amazing thing to do. It really would be wonderful.

Do you have more than 2 children? Are all my points valid or am I imagining it to be way more difficult than it actually is? Maybe you’re in the same situation as me, what’s stopping you from taking the plunge and extending your family? I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..

@naptimenatter

Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

The end of an era – my baby is going to big school!

The end of an era – my baby is going to big school!

Today was Leo’s last day of play school. This morning was like any of other Thursday morning except for the fact that this particular Thursday marks the end of an era and is the beginning of the next chapter in Leo’s life. I can still clearly remember dropping Leo off for his first ever session at play school back in March 2016 when he was just 2 and half years old. Today he was there with all his friends, children he has only known just over a year, and together they celebrated their ‘graduation’ from play school with a little leavers party.

My baby is going to big school

the end of an era

How has this happened? My baby boy, my beautiful firstborn, is leaving pre school behind him and in September will be thrown into the world of full time education for the next 12 years of his life. He is ready for this, he thrives in a teacher led environment surrounded by other children to play with. I’m not naïve, I am not expecting it to be a completely smooth transition, Leo will only just have turned 4 when he starts school and while he is mature in some ways, there is an obvious difference between him and his older peers. I know Leo is going to love school though, we talk about it all the time and he is so excited to be starting ‘big school’ soon.

Leo may be ready but me? Well , I most definitely am not. I know it is a cliché but I just don’t know where the past 4 years have gone. I feel like since becoming a mum my whole life is on fast forward, it feels like just moments ago I had a midwife telling me to scoop my baby up out of the birthing pool. I can remember the day he arrived in the world so vividly in my mind, and I will never forget how our eyes locked for the first time and in that moment he changed my life forever. When I look into those same eyes now I still see my baby. I think even when Leo is 50 I will always see him as that very same baby, no matter how big and old he gets.

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Delve a bit deeper into my blog and you will see that since having Leo I haven’t always loved motherhood, I struggled a lot when Leo was 2 and went through a biting phase and throwing serious toddler tantrums, I have often questioned if I’m doing it all wrong and have felt the unwelcome effects of ‘mum guilt’ on an all too regular basis. I definitely haven’t cherished every moment with Leo but I have absolutely loved spending my days with him. And now that time is almost over and I’m really sad about it. Come September our days will be dictated to by the school run, no longer will we have afternoons completely empty of plans, a blank space for us to fill however we want. There will never be a random Tuesday where I can just ask Leo what he wants to do with our day, where we can just stroll up to the library and read books and play and grab a cake from the coffee shop on the way home. We won’t be able to spend mornings lazily watching Moana and Lego Batman, eating toast and cuddling close. Education, new friends and exciting new experiences will begin to take over his life, it’s not a bad thing I know, it’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m just going to miss having my best buddy around that’s all.

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I guess today I am just feeling a bit sad as Leo leaving play school feels like the end of an era. It is the end of him bringing home ‘splat rainbow’ paintings, castles made out of empty cat food boxes and gifting me coco pops cakes and tiny bread rolls that he’s made during cooking week. We will never again excitedly open his tatty blue book bag to see what story he has picked today, he always knows what it is but likes to act surprised when I pull it out anyway. His school is on the same road as play school so it’s not the last time we’ll see it but when I picked him up today that was the last time we set foot in the building, unless Alex goes there when he’s older. I think it is only natural to feel this way when a chapter in life comes to an end, I can only hope Leo isn’t feeling as sad about it all as I am.

Looking at Leo now it is amazing to see how far he has come and how much he has grown in just 16 months. I am so proud of him, he has gone from a ragey toddler who got off on the wrong foot with the other kids by biting and snatching toys to now a polite and friendly little boy with a group of friends and brilliant relationships with all the staff at his play school. He still has his moments, he’s not perfect but then who is? The thing is though, play school really helped him learn how to deal with his emotions, to understand how to get on with others and it has sparked his curiosity and interest in the world around him. I will always be grateful for the staff there for helping to shape my little two year old into the absolute joy of an almost 4 year old he is now.

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As for Leo, I could not be prouder of him if I tried, he is amazing in every way and I am so excited to see him start his new journey into the world of primary school. Until September comes around though I will be making the most of the summer holidays, 8 weeks of no plans and our final chance to take on each day in whatever way we fancy. No school run schedule to abide by or need to rush around. I am sure there will be times where I feel like I’m running on summer holiday survival mode but I am not ready to let go of my baby just yet, I am determined to cram in as much quality family time during the summer as possible.

It’s been an emotional day, has your little one finished play school or nursery today? Maybe you have a child about to finish primary school or maybe one who’s about to graduate university – I would love to find out how you feel as your child gets ready to their next step towards their future.

 

You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..

@naptimenatter

Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

I want a break from being a parent, is that such a bad thing?

I want a break from being a parent, is that such a bad thing?

Do you ever just feel like you need a break from being a parent? I am not just talking about enjoying some ‘me time’, I mean a proper break. Lately I have been feeling really bogged down and constantly struggling my way through the daily grind. For the past few weeks I have often caught myself fantasising about sending my boys off to their grandparents for a weekend, an hour or so to myself just isn’t cutting it anymore. I have daydreamed about packing up Leo’s little George Pig rucksack and cramming nappy after nappy into Alex’s change bag and waving them good bye as I leave them in the very capable hands of my parents or in laws. Is that really such a bad thing? Mum guilt has obviously tried to tell me I am a horrible mum for craving time away from parenting when I should be making exciting plans for family days out but I am telling mum guilt to do one. I need a break and I have decided that that is ok. Here is a look into my daily life as a stay at home mum of 2 boys, to help you understand why I am in desperate need of a break from being a parent.. View Post

Post natal depression, it’s not how I imagined

Post natal depression, it’s not how I imagined

I never thought I would suffer with post natal depression. Then again, I doubt many women think they will get it either. It is not what you think about when you are pregnant is it? You are too busy thinking about the little human growing inside you, planning for their arrival and imaging the life as a family that is waiting for you just around the corner. Thoughts of whether you will feel sad for months on end or if you will feel completely overwhelmed by it all aren’t really common place amongst the excitement over adorable baby clothes and decorating the nursery.

Well, I didn’t consider I would get PND anyway. But I did and it is not what I had expected it to be.

Post natal depression, it is not how I imagined

I always thought post natal depression meant you couldn’t love your baby, for me that is not the case. I thought sufferers of post natal depression were suicidal, that is not the case for me either. The media made me believe if you suffered from PND then you thought about hurting your baby, you thought about hurting yourself or you just sat in the dark and cried for months. I was misguided, misinformed, and I was naïve. Post natal depression is not black and white, it is not a one size fits all condition. For some women post natal depression shows itself in one way and in others it comes to the surface in a totally different manner.

Post natal depression caught me completely off guard. I didn’t see it coming, I never expected it to become a part of my life, I thought I was too happy to ever get depressed. I am happily married, have a lovely family and children who are my world, what have I got to be sad about?  And that is my naivety to the complexity of mental health, displayed neatly in that last sentence. There doesn’t need to be a reason, depression can hit any of us at any time, sometimes circumstances and situations can cause it and other times it can just show up uninvited.

My second baby was about 2 months old when I realised something wasn’t quite right. Again, my misconception of post natal depression led me to ignore my symptoms for weeks, convinced I must just be feeling down, the baby blues maybe, as post natal depression crops up within the days after birth doesn’t it? You can’t be feeling happy for almost 2 months and then suddenly just get it can you? Post natal depression isn’t like the flu, you don’t just ‘catch it’. Often it can begin as a slow burn, something you can just push aside and try to ignore, but as time wears on the sadness and anxiety shout louder, refusing to let you carry on with life as normal.

Before I was one of them, I thought sufferers of post natal depression were sad all the time, crying all the time and they were easy to spot because they rarely smiled. This is not the case at all. Over Christmas I fake smiled my way through countless family gatherings, I pretended to be happy when I wasn’t. I lied to everyone around me every time they asked how I was and I said I was ok. No amount of forced smiles or ignoring the elephant in my brain could stop the sadness and anxiety that was constantly niggling in my chest, picking at me and dragging my mood down to depths I wasn’t willing to go. Just because someone is smiling doesn’t mean they are happy, don’t assume a new mum is coping just because she says she is ok – it is hard enough admitting to yourself that you are struggling, let alone telling friends and family that you are depressed.

The smiles though, they are not always fake. It is possible to be depressed but to also have times of happiness. I mean, I have post natal depression but I still have days that are full of fun, my kids and my family make me laugh for real and I do still use my genuine smile too. Having post natal depression just means for me there is always this unhappiness within me, sometimes it feels like it consumes me but there are other days where I can manage it. There are lots of days where I can tackle the sadness head on, lock it away and go about my day, genuinely enjoying my time with my family and not even giving it a second thought. Those are my favourite kind of day, some time really soon I hope to be able to keep that sadness locked away for good.

post natal depression

Having post natal depression for me doesn’t mean I am suicidal or that I can’t bond with my child. For me, this horrible mental health condition shows itself in the form of intrusive thoughts, anxiety and tears that just can not be explained. It is a constant weight on my shoulders (thankfully now not as heavy as it once was), it is the dull shadow that is cast over my days and is the reason I look at my baby and sometimes feel sad. The sadness is not because he makes me unhappy, he doesn’t, it is because for the 7 months he has been on this planet he hasn’t been able to see the real me. I am not a miserable and anxious person, in my heart I am happy and positive. I love to laugh and to smile and take pleasure in everything life has to offer, unfortunately there are days the person I really am and the person this depression want me to be start to blur together; a mess of heightened emotions and feelings. Mostly I am sad for my youngest child as he hasn’t had the same baby days as his big brother, a time when I was able to be the happy mum I always wanted to be, not this tearful imposter.

I have also learnt that there is no easy cure. Talking helps, it really does help if you can find the courage to get the words out. Anti depressants can work for some, I have turned these down for my own reasons but there is no shame in taking pills to feel better. You’d take paracetamol for a headache, wouldn’t you? Self care is important, time for yourself doing something you enjoy can work wonders. Unfortunately, I have also come to realise that you can start to feel better, almost like your old happy self, only for post natal depression to resurface again, once more unannounced and very much not invited. At this moment in time I am struggling again, I have that uneasy feeling and can’t budge that niggling in my chest. I am hoping this is just a small bump in the road back to happiness and I can work through these feelings again.

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I guess all I am trying to say is this, our mental health is complex and it is hard to understand what someone else is going through. If I could show who I am now to the person I was a year ago, that past version of myself wouldn’t think they are looking at someone suffering with post natal depression. What we perceive something to be and what it actually is can be two completely different things. If you are a new mum and think you might have pnd but are reluctant to seek help because you don’t feel how the media has made you believe you should feel then please seek some support. Like lots of illnesses, post natal depression is not the same for everyone, you can love your baby and have never even contemplated hurting yourself or your children but that doesn’t mean you might not have this very common mental health condition. Post natal depression affects around 1 in 10 new mums, there is no way all those mums feel it in the same way.

If you think you have post natal depression, click this link for a list of charities and helpful resources and please speak to someone about it. Bottling up these feelings will only make you feel worse. If you want to read more about my struggles with post natal depression then you can find all my posts about it in the mental health section on my blog.

You can find this post linked to some of these amazing blog link ups –

Maternity Mondays | Marvellous Mondays | Posts from the Heart | #MG | Big Pink Link | Twinkly Tuesday | Dream Team | Tried and Tested | Blogger Club UK | Best and Worst | Family Fun | Cool Mum Club | A Blogging Good Time | The List Linky | PoCoLo |For the Love of Blog | KCACOLS  …and of course #BlogCrush, the linky I co host every Friday.

Find me on Twitter ..

@naptimenatter

Thanks for reading, if you enjoyed this post I would love for you to share it 🙂

 

 

 

19 things you should know before your child turns 3

19 things you should know before your child turns 3

When you are pregnant the amount of advice and stories that get thrown at you and your growing bump from every direction can be a tad overwhelming at times. The same goes for baby’s first year and toddlerhood too, people are not shy about coming forward with what it is like raising a small person and will gladly tell you aaall about it if you ask (sometimes you don’t even have to ask!). The advice, insights and anecdotes start to slow down when your child hits 3, I don’t know if it is because others think you should probably know what you’re doing by now or what but I have definitely noticed I am regularly finding myself staring at Leo in confusion and thinking ‘WTF?’. If you have a little one whose barrelling towards their third birthday and want to know, for research, what it is really like living with a 3 year old then here are 19 things I wish I had known before my Leo teetered over the edge of toddlerdom and became a fully fledged little boy. View Post

Just another lonely mum

Just another lonely mum

A couple of months ago I was noticing a lot of talk online and on TV about loneliness and motherhood. Channel Mum launched their #YANA (You Are Not Alone) campaign, Holly and Phil had a chat about it on This Morning and The Duchess of Cambridge has recently spoke about how isolating motherhood can be. I decided not to share my thoughts on this as, to be honest, I didn’t want to upset myself by digging up all those feelings I try to ignore and plastering them here on the internet for the world to see. However, the point of all of these campaigns was to help bring mums together, to show them that feeling lonely is something that happens to so many of us once children arrive and there are lots of us out there looking for a mummy friend to share this crazy ride with. I am one of those people. So, in the spirit of honesty and to hopefully bring comfort to other mums feeling like me, I am going to share my story of loneliness in motherhood, fingers crossed I can make it through typing this post without bursting in to tears. View Post

Easy Batman biscuits to bake with kids

Easy Batman biscuits to bake with kids

My boy Leo is obsessed with Batman. OB-SESSED! Whenever he plays little imaginary games I can always hear him chatting away about Batman and The Joker. He asks me to make up stories about Batman fighting all the bad guys and he loves playing with his Batman and other superhero Duplo figures. So, it is not hard to imagine how excited Leo was to go and watch The Lego Batman Movie earlier this year – he loved every second of that film and is already asking when we can buy it on disk (DVD to us grown ups). After our cinema trip to watch Lego Batman I decided to treat Leo to some homemade biscuits, another one of his favourite things, and together we baked these ridiculously easy batman biscuits. If you have a little Batman fan in your life too, I can guarantee these biscuits will go down a treat. View Post

5 reasons all busy mums need a pair of Converse

5 reasons all busy mums need a pair of Converse

Ever since my teens I have been obsessed with Converse All Star trainers. I am not sure where this love comes from but it probably has something to do with when I wanted to be a rock star and convinced my parents to buy me a guitar when I was about 12. Obviously dreams of rock star fame faded but my love of converse shoes has continued to grow and now, aged 25, I am a proud owner of three different pairs. My faithful converse have served me well since becoming a Mum and I am totally of the opinion that all busy mums need at least one pair of converse in their life. Here’s why.. View Post

My 3 year old wants to be Peter Pan

My 3 year old wants to be Peter Pan

“All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was this. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried, ‘Oh, why can’t you remain like this for ever!’ This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew that she must grow up. You always know after you are two. Two is the beginning of the end.” – J.M.Barrie Peter Pan View Post

10 lessons I have learnt from my son’s first year of play school

10 lessons I have learnt from my son’s first year of play school

Today marks 12 whole months since Leo’s first day of play school. At 2 and half years old we decided Leo was ready to start mixing more with other kids, learning valuable skills for school  and, well, I needed a bit of a break if I’m honest. The year has gone so quickly and I feel like Leo isn’t the only one who’s been learning new things, I’ve learnt a fair few lessons myself too and I thought I would share them with you all. View Post

5 reasons why I don’t cherish every moment

5 reasons why I don’t cherish every moment

I love being a mum, I really really do. I have brought two beautiful boys into this world and they have changed my life completely. Although it was only 3 years ago, memories of life before children are a blur and are somewhat overshadowed by all the amazing memories that have been made since. Yes, being a mum is the best thing ever.

Except when it’s not.

I struggle to get on board with the whole ‘cherish every moment’ approach to parenting. I love my boys and want to remember and treasure as much of their childhood as possible but I would be telling a massive lie if I said I want to remember all of it.

Motherhood is a journey of many ups and downs and twist and turns, obviously there are going to be loads a few bumps along the road. I know I am incredibly lucky to have two children and I should be grateful for the tough times as atleast it means  I have children to experience the good times with.

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Mental health after pregnancy – it is time I came clean

Mental health after pregnancy – it is time I came clean
Before I begin I just need to tell you there are no words I have to describe how nervous I am about publishing this post. None.

I’m not sure where to begin so I’m just going to start typing and see what comes out…

I have never really struggled with my mental health before, I’ve been anxious from time to time and had the odd low day but, on the whole, I am a happy chilled out sort of person. After having Leo I took to motherhood like a duck to water, I loved every second, even sleep deprivation and getting pooed on almost daily didn’t get me down. I expected things would be the same when I gave birth to my second baby. I thought that because I’d done it all before, parenting a second child would be just as easy as the first time around. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

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Why I finally understand the term ‘threenager’

Why I finally understand the term ‘threenager’

Every stage of parenting a small child comes with it’s own challenges doesn’t it? There’s the sleep deprivation and the general what the hell do I  do moments during the newborn days, the mission to keep your baby safe from table corners and stairs as they become mobile and, of course, there are the terrible twos.

It is no secret to you if you’re a regular reader that Leo was not the best behaved 2 year old, terrible doesn’t even come close when describing some of his tantrums. There were times where his bad behaviour left me questioning my abilities as a mother and there were also the times where I just simply couldn’t cope. I was mostly  prepared to spend those 12 months from age 2 to 3 navigating my way from one toddler breakdown to another, everyone loves to harp on about the terrible twos after all don’t they? What I wasn’t quite so prepared for was what was to come next, the threenager.   View Post

Did you know Dads change nappies too?  – Sudocrem Baby Changing Room Awards and a campaign for change

Did you know Dads change nappies too?  – Sudocrem Baby Changing Room Awards and a campaign for change

In an age where there is such a thing as shared parental leave, a time where more and more Dads are becoming stay at home parents, how come finding a baby changing facility in a men’s toilet is still more difficult than finding a needle in a haystack? How is this OK? Research carried out by fabulous dad blogger Al from The Dad  Network found that Dads have had to change their little one’s nappies in all manner of places as there were no changing facilities available to them.

The research discovered Dads across the UK were being forced to use the boot of their car to change their baby’s bum and some had even used the floor of a public toilet. Are you serious? It is 2o17 and babies are having to be laid down on a TOILET FLOOR to have their nappy changed when out and about with their Daddy. This is not OK, more needs to be done so babies can be changed as easily by their Dads as they can by their mums, nappy changing is not just something us Mums do.  View Post